(Closed) When is it okay not to send a gift?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Does she need to send a gift?
    No, they are not close friends : (24 votes)
    40 %
    Yes, since she's invited she should : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Send a nice card : (33 votes)
    55 %
    Other, please explain : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2006 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think a nice card with well wishes would be a good option in this situation.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Per etiquette, a gift is never required for any occasion. One should never feel obligated to give a gift either, nor should they be guilt tripped by anyone else.

    It is rude to be invited to the shower but not the wedding. In that case, definitely do not send a gift. If someone is not close to the couple at all, they should not be invited in the first place, hence no reason to send a gift.

    A card is nice though.

    Post # 5
    Member
    950 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I always think big picture…someday we will all die, what kind of person do I want to be in my life, what kind of relationships do I want to have? Sending a nice card in this case, allows me to offer this girl I hardly know an opportunity to become friends in the future, without assuming a relationship that isn’t there currently.  If the girl I hardly know takes it the wrong way, that’s on her & I don’t have to further a relationship with her.  If she takes as I intend it, as a sincere wish for the best, we’ve got the opportunity to be better friends in the future.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @ms.pascua: Facebook style “like.” 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    2006 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @ms.pascua: I agree with @amaryllis! What harm is there in sending someone a card wishing them nice things 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I agree that sending a nice card is the kind thing to do.  Inviting people you hardly know to a shower and then not inviting them to the wedding is rude in and of itself, so I would not send a gift or attend (even if I had no other plans).

    Post # 11
    Member
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Why was she not invited to the wedding? Sorry, but it is extremely rude to invite someone to your bridal shower but not to your wedding. I would send a card as Ms. Pascua suggested. But definitely not a gift.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    If someone invites me to a wedding I send a gift. Period. It’s easy to send something very small from the registry like a little kitchen item for $10. On the other hand I have friends who don’t have much money and are still spending to fly across the country, rent a car, and stay in a hotel. I hope they don’t feel any obligation to buy me anything.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1752 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’m one of those girls who always sends a gift.  I couldn’t go to my husband’s friend’s fiances’ baby shower.. we aren’t super close, but my husband and her fiance are.. so I sent them a gift card… I always defalt on the side of send a gift.

    That’s why I was amazed that out of the 105 invites, there were about 36 people who never sent back their RSVP cards, never responded to phone calls if they were coming, never sent a card or gift, never even sent a congratulatory email… that floored me.

    I’d say at least send a card, maybe some fun scratch off lottery cards, something like that..

    Post # 14
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    @rachelss: She’s not invited to the wedding, just the shower. That’s part of the Bride’s rudeness.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2344 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Since she was not invited to the wedding, I think a shower gift is a plus. I had a shower hosted by my mom’s friends at church and they invited several women that were not invited to the wedding, as we have a large church and could not invite everyone without having over 300 guests at our wedding. I honestly felt like they could have just celebrated with us over snacks and fruit tea and given me a heartfelt card, and that would have been plenty, but they all did choose to give a modest gift, even ones that couldn’t make it. I felt like that was above and beyond generous and did not except it. I’m sure this bride doesn’t either!

    The topic ‘When is it okay not to send a gift?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors