When is it time to let a friendship fade?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
79 posts
Worker bee

I would be upset, too. If I spent money for a Vegas weekend to celebrate someone else and then got treated like crap over petty things I know I would be reconsidering things. But if she is truly someone that close to you and you normally get along great, I think you should talk to her. I’m pretty type-A and I know I get irritated when I emphasize a time that is important for people to arrive by and they’re late. Maybe the fact you cut it so close the first night made her feel like it wasn’t important to you (I only say this because I’ve gotten frustrated with friends who don’t account for things that could delay them and cause me undo stress, but I also recognize that not everyone plans things out the way that I do.) Unless she makes a habit of treating you poorly, I would chalk it up to her being a bridezilla and take some time to yourself and other friends now that the wedding is over. 

Post # 3
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’ve gone through this almost exact thing where little things set my friend off.  Things that really mean nothing to me since I’m super laid back made my friend treat me like crap.  After a few times of this we just decided to go our own ways.  I still feel bad sometimes and wish we were still friends but then again who wants a friend where you have to walk on egg shells all the time because your afraid something will piss them off.  You were not even late to those things in my opion.  Doesn’t seem worth it to me. 

Post # 4
2202 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

While my examples are a little bit different I totally get where you’re coming from with the overreactions or the passiveness. 

Ultimately what it came down to for me was the fact that I wasn’t someone that she considered a priority anymore and she thought it was okay to treat me in these types of ways and I wasn’t okay with her behavior. We had to stand up together in a wedding this past May and that was my last interaction with her. I haven’t talked to her since and she hasn’t even tried to contact me either. I figured we both knew it was time to part ways. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells with a friend, she also shouldn’t be so petty with someone she calls a close friend either. Not worth the time and energy girl. 

Post # 5
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

i was kind of a bitch during the weekend of my wedding but when people brought it to my attention i was super apologetic and felt awful. Weddings are stressful so I wouldnt cut a friendship just for that but I would talk to her later and let her know how you felt. See what she says. If she feels badly then it might be worth some effort to mend but if she stands by her shitty attitude then no might be time to distance.

Post # 6
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

caligirl3 :  Maybe taking a break isn’t a bad idea. I get frustrated when people are late, but that is still no reason to act like a bitch. She should be grateful you thought enough of her to attend her Vegas party.

If you’re late for everything (in general) she should have a talk with you about your differences like an adult instead of treating you like crap around other/mutual friends. 

Give her some time to get back to her “new” normal, and see how she acts. I probably would not reach out unless I wanted to talk about the issue. 

However, if you take a break that gives you both an opportunity to process your feelings without the risk ending the friendship based solely on emotions.


Post # 7
1882 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, the locker room example isn’t the most egregious thing.  I’m usually late for things, but don’t expect people to wait for me. 

However, I do think there is a certain fundamental lack of respect and level of passive-aggression  that occurs when women refer to other women as bitches like they are in a circa 2000 “girls night out” movie where they apparently thought women just like referring to themselves as bitches or hos in an ironic “edgy” way.  Between that and her passive aggressive cash grab, she doesn’t sound like someone I would personally enjoy devoting any time out of my day to be with/talk to/think about.  Doesn’t mean you can’t continue to be friends or work this out – I just know myself well enough to know I don’t respect people who act like that and I can’t be friends with people I don’t respect.

If you’re interested in maintaining the friendship, I would just do a bit of a fadeaway, see how she acts in the upcoming couple of months while just doing your own thing.  

Post # 8
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Since she’s been a good friend, take a break from her for awhile,  then revisit your feelings.

Post # 9
648 posts
Busy bee

caligirl3 :  Bridezilla or not, she sounds like a bully.

What redeeming qualities does this person have that makes you want to stay friends with someone who intentionally (doesn’t really sound like a joke) calls you a bitch and then leaves you at the pool?

Post # 10
111 posts
Blushing bee

She sounds self important, has she changed since she got engaged/married? Fade her out and see if she calms down or contacts you to show any interest in your life. I’m sure if you confronted her then she’d “pretend” she didn’t realise she had upset you, I wouldn’t even give her the chance to know she upset you. You can do better without her!

Post # 11
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

caligirl3 :  Only you can truly assess whether this was out of character behavior for the bride because of a stressful weekend (although it doesn’t seem so) and if you want to continue with the relationship. 

But, for me, I let a friendship go when what the person takes from life is more than what the person adds to my life. If the relationship is no longer mutually beneficial both ways and I feel like I’m being sucked dry – financially, emotionally, in whatever area – then, I know it’s time for us to amicably split. That’s my barometer for ending friendships, if that makes sense. Good luck to you! xoxo

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