Post # 1
I recently posted about how a college friend basically asked that I donate to her wedding fund two weeks after her wedding and was honestly surprised by some of the reactions suggesting I rethink my friendship with her. But now that I’ve thought about it more, I’m recalling a few other interactions with her that didn’t leave me feeling great but that I ultimately kinda swept under the rug, especially during her bachelorette weekend.
She had it in Vegas and asked that we all get there by Friday at 9pm since we’d be hitting the town by 11pm. I was driving in from SoCal, and long story short, what should’ve been a 5 hour drive took me over 8 due to an unforeseen wildfire that left a long stretch of the freeway closed. I knew she was out by the pool getting the party started early so I decided not to update or concern her and instead just focused on trying to get there by 9pm. In hindsight, I realize I should’ve probably checked in. Even though I still made it literally minutes before 9pm and explained to her what had happened, she was still acting subtley pissy/borderline passive aggressive the rest of the weekend.
The most prominent examples were she was calling all the girls “babe” and “hunny” but then kept referring to me loudly as “bitch” (but in that “ha ha” kind of way). Then we were at a daytime pool party seeing a big name DJ and all agreed to meet back at the lockers by 4pm so we could go back to the hotel and get ready for dinner. Our cell phones were in the lockers so we had no way of communicating with each other, and we inevitably got separated in the madness. As it got towards the time to leave, I was in the bathroom right next to the locker area when I asked someone what time it was. When I was told 4pm, I immediately bolted to the lockers and got there maybe 2 minutes later tops. Luckily, there was one girl from our group who was still there and happened to have a key to the locker we both happened to share. Without her, I would’ve been completely SOL especially without a locker key or access to my phone. When I got my cell phone out, I saw I had a text from the bride-to-be simply saying “We left.” I was a little stung by that because although yes, I was 2 minutes late, I honestly feel that had it been me, I would’ve definitely waited at least a couple more minutes for any remaining friends to show up.
This girl is someone I would consider one of my closest friends from college. In times past and even in more recent times, we get along super well and I feel like she genuinely cares about me and has always supported me in everything. So I don’t know whether just to chalk up her bridezilla-ish behavior to any wedding plus general life stress, especially since she’s always been super type A and also had to pretty much plan everything herself. I’ve been generally really bad with boundaries in the past, and on account of being super easy going (we’re polar opposite in that way) have many times tolerated less than stellar behavior from people I considered friends. Recently, I’ve been eliminating some of the more obvious riff raff from my life (i.e. blantantly malicious or manipulative people), but I just want to make sure I’m not going too far the other way!
Post # 2
I would be upset, too. If I spent money for a Vegas weekend to celebrate someone else and then got treated like crap over petty things I know I would be reconsidering things. But if she is truly someone that close to you and you normally get along great, I think you should talk to her. I’m pretty type-A and I know I get irritated when I emphasize a time that is important for people to arrive by and they’re late. Maybe the fact you cut it so close the first night made her feel like it wasn’t important to you (I only say this because I’ve gotten frustrated with friends who don’t account for things that could delay them and cause me undo stress, but I also recognize that not everyone plans things out the way that I do.) Unless she makes a habit of treating you poorly, I would chalk it up to her being a bridezilla and take some time to yourself and other friends now that the wedding is over.
Post # 3
I’ve gone through this almost exact thing where little things set my friend off. Things that really mean nothing to me since I’m super laid back made my friend treat me like crap. After a few times of this we just decided to go our own ways. I still feel bad sometimes and wish we were still friends but then again who wants a friend where you have to walk on egg shells all the time because your afraid something will piss them off. You were not even late to those things in my opion. Doesn’t seem worth it to me.
Post # 4
While my examples are a little bit different I totally get where you’re coming from with the overreactions or the passiveness.
Ultimately what it came down to for me was the fact that I wasn’t someone that she considered a priority anymore and she thought it was okay to treat me in these types of ways and I wasn’t okay with her behavior. We had to stand up together in a wedding this past May and that was my last interaction with her. I haven’t talked to her since and she hasn’t even tried to contact me either. I figured we both knew it was time to part ways. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells with a friend, she also shouldn’t be so petty with someone she calls a close friend either. Not worth the time and energy girl.
Post # 5
i was kind of a bitch during the weekend of my wedding but when people brought it to my attention i was super apologetic and felt awful. Weddings are stressful so I wouldnt cut a friendship just for that but I would talk to her later and let her know how you felt. See what she says. If she feels badly then it might be worth some effort to mend but if she stands by her shitty attitude then no might be time to distance.
Post # 6
caligirl3 : Maybe taking a break isn’t a bad idea. I get frustrated when people are late, but that is still no reason to act like a bitch. She should be grateful you thought enough of her to attend her Vegas party.
If you’re late for everything (in general) she should have a talk with you about your differences like an adult instead of treating you like crap around other/mutual friends.
Give her some time to get back to her “new” normal, and see how she acts. I probably would not reach out unless I wanted to talk about the issue.
However, if you take a break that gives you both an opportunity to process your feelings without the risk ending the friendship based solely on emotions.
Post # 7
Well, the locker room example isn’t the most egregious thing. I’m usually late for things, but don’t expect people to wait for me.
However, I do think there is a certain fundamental lack of respect and level of passive-aggression that occurs when women refer to other women as bitches like they are in a circa 2000 “girls night out” movie where they apparently thought women just like referring to themselves as bitches or hos in an ironic “edgy” way. Between that and her passive aggressive cash grab, she doesn’t sound like someone I would personally enjoy devoting any time out of my day to be with/talk to/think about. Doesn’t mean you can’t continue to be friends or work this out – I just know myself well enough to know I don’t respect people who act like that and I can’t be friends with people I don’t respect.
If you’re interested in maintaining the friendship, I would just do a bit of a fadeaway, see how she acts in the upcoming couple of months while just doing your own thing.
Post # 8
Since she’s been a good friend, take a break from her for awhile, then revisit your feelings.
Post # 9
caligirl3 : Bridezilla or not, she sounds like a bully.
What redeeming qualities does this person have that makes you want to stay friends with someone who intentionally (doesn’t really sound like a joke) calls you a bitch and then leaves you at the pool?
Post # 10
She sounds self important, has she changed since she got engaged/married? Fade her out and see if she calms down or contacts you to show any interest in your life. I’m sure if you confronted her then she’d “pretend” she didn’t realise she had upset you, I wouldn’t even give her the chance to know she upset you. You can do better without her!
Post # 11
caligirl3 : Only you can truly assess whether this was out of character behavior for the bride because of a stressful weekend (although it doesn’t seem so) and if you want to continue with the relationship.
But, for me, I let a friendship go when what the person takes from life is more than what the person adds to my life. If the relationship is no longer mutually beneficial both ways and I feel like I’m being sucked dry – financially, emotionally, in whatever area – then, I know it’s time for us to amicably split. That’s my barometer for ending friendships, if that makes sense. Good luck to you! xoxo