(Closed) When is it time to let a MOH go???

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
36 posts
  • Wedding: November 2013



First of all, i’m really sorry you are going through this. I had very similar problems of late and have neded up telling my former Maid/Matron of Honor that i don’t think our frinedship is close enough for me to have her stand with me on the day.

I won’t lie, it was awful and vile and worse than ending a relationship. It made me feel sh*tty and terribly guilty, BUT, it was by far the right decision. We’d been frineds for over 10 years, (with a year gap in the middle where we didn’t speak as she borrowed money from me and created an awful lot of drama about paying it back when i was in dire need of it 6 months later! – another story!) I thought things were back on track and so just over a year ago when i got engaged, becuase she was one of my long standing friends and our relationship USED to be close, i asked her based on how we were, not how we are now. Sentimental reasons i guess.

It quickly became apparent that our friendship had shifted and we weren’t on the same wavelength anymore. I did speak to her twice about my concerns that we were drifting and she apologised. Same as you, never really got together much, when we arranged to she’d cancel, be late etc. It was like pulling teeth to get her to commit to anything, not just about the wedding but in general. She excluded my dearest friends from the hen party and  arranged things she knew i was very uncomfortable with as we’d had the discussions over and over about my likes and dislikes.

It’s really tough but you have to evaluate how much the friendship means to you. If resentment is building, you either need to have another full and frank discussion with her and find out what’s going on. She may also not feel that close to you which maybe why she seems to be making a half assed attempt at supporting you. Or you need to explain that you just don’t feel as though you are geling.

Be prepared though. This is a friendhsip ending move usually. You have to be aware that you may lose the friendship over this. I had to be entirely confortable with my decision before i took that step. As it turms out, we wished each other well and parted ways.

The releif of not having to deal with the disappointment and upset and rejection anymore was worth it. Not easy by any means but I think Maid/Matron of Honor is a position that should be a tribute to your friendship. In my case, it wasn’t about what she did or didn’t do, it was about the bond between us and how fragile and fake it had become.

Good luck xx

Post # 4
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have you tried talking to her about something other than you/your wedding/your parties? Like, asking her how SHE’S doing? What’s going on in HER life?

Post # 5
13082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@vorpalette:  +1

I firmly believe that asking a friend to step down from the bridal party is the same as saying, “our friendship is over.”  If this is not the statement you are trying to make, you should consider your actions carefully.

Post # 6
7719 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kedillion:  This sounds to me like she’s more disorganised than anything else. OK, she made a mess of the bridal shower. But if you’re not used to organising things, organising a bridal shower is a big deal. And at least she tried.

In my book, there are only 2 things which earn demotion from the bridal party: (1) refusal or inability to get or wear the outfit you want her to wear on your wedding day, or (2) friendship-ending behaviour. It seems to me she has done neither of these.

Presumably you picked her because she is your best friend. It seems to me that the pressure of wedding planning and shower planning has driven a wedge in your relationship. I think you should reconnect with her simply as a friend. And so long as she is prepared to stand with you on your wedding day, keep her as Maid/Matron of Honor,

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