Post # 1
please give your honest advice/opinion…. I just got engaged a week ago, and am beginning to think about possible wedding dates. Ideally, I would love to get married in late March of 2015. It would be ideal weather for south Louisiana and gives me enough time to plan and save money for a few wedding expenses. My fiance’s younger sister is getting married in early July of 2015, and one of his brothers is getting married in Oct of 2015… would it be rude of me to have our wedding before theirs? And three months before his sister’s? I know that my fiancé and I want a smaller (150 people) wedding compared to his sister’s (350ish), and our weddings would be different in style. Also, I’ve been with my fiancé for 7 years, which is years longer than both his sister and brother have been with their fiances (1-2 years). I’m only saying this because I have looked forward to this for so long and really don’t want to wait a year and a half or close to two years to get married. I plan on talking to his mom and sister about it, but just wanted to see if this is a ridiculous idea first. Thanks in advance for your replies!
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think that timeline is fine.
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
bellenola: Have your wedding when you want. I don’t get the mindset that you have to consider others getting married when you plan your wedding. Unless you deliberately plan yours for the same time frame, ex. same day, week, possibly even month.
I guess it comes from the first time I got married. I got engaged in Aug, around Dec or Jan my ex-SIL and my ex’s cousin both announced preganancies and rushed weddings. I never once thought, OMG! How could you do that to me?
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s rude, but there are two considerations.
1. FSIL’s personality. Talking to her up front about it will go a long way to avoiding conflict.
2. Travel. If people have to do a lot of travel to go to every wedding, then this close might be really hard on family. Then it would be rude (to guests, not necessarily to FSIL), because you’d be forcing people to choose, and yours is first. If one of the weddings is local to that side of the family, though, I’d say you’re in the clear.
Post # 5
As long as majority of the mutual guests wouldn’t have to spend a lot on travel, I think that’s fine. However, if a lot of your mutual guests would have to buy plane tickets to get there, that’s 3 plane tickets in one year which might not be feasible for some people. I don’t think it’s a problem in regards to “thunder stealing” though. If you Future Sister-In-Law or Future Brother-In-Law have an issue in that regard, they can get over it.
Post # 6
i would have given it a month or 2 gap for relatives who need to travel. but march to july you will be fine. she probably won’t even have her shower until mayish time frame.
Post # 7
It’s worth considering the family first. Three weddings, or two depending on family side is a lot for some people to afford to go to, if they are close together. I couldnt take vacation in both March and July for instance if I needed to.
So, it’ll be good to get some opinions but you don’t have to wait necessarily.
Best friends of ours set their date after we did for two days before our wedding. I know I get one day, but it really puts pressure and limits on rehearsal dinners and leaving for honeymoons, etc. Plus we can’t afford to fly home for their pre wedding activities also having to fly in for our own…
Post # 8
I agree about the cost for guests for travel….
Also depending on if you fiance’s family is giong to be helping out in a monetary way, that could be a lot of pressure on them, 3 in one year. But if not then March sounds like a great time to get married!
Post # 9
MeiFrancis: MrsUPS: Jess1483: IzzyBear: thanks so much for your advice! I didn’t think it would be stealing his sister’s thunder, but you never know how people react. His sister and I get along so well, we are practically sister’s ourselves, and I know she likes having her moment to shine…his mother’s side of the family lives in the area, so they wouldn’t need to travel. His father’s side lives in Chicago, and that would be a lot of travel for them. his mom has mentioned before that we wouldn’t need to invite his father’s siblings because he isn’t very close to them. that would keep our wedding in the small side, and they wouldn’t have to worry about missing his sister’s wedding. But would it be ruse NOT to invite them??? I mean, he could always tell them that we are having a small wedding. ugh! Maybe we should just elope!
Post # 10
bellenola: I think it depends on who is paying. If they’re contributing financially to your wedding, it may not be so thoughtful to do it so soon to his siblings’ weddings. If they’re not, I don’t think it’s a huge deal, but as someone who has been on the other side of this (FI’s brother got engaged after us and they’re getting married before us – but they’re having a tiny wedding), it can feel a teensy bit inconsiderate.
My FI’s brother is getting married so soon because his fiance’s dad is terminally ill, so OBVIOUSLY I understand why and am totally supportive, but I think I would feel a little bit jilted if they got married before us for any other reason. I know it’s irrational, but those feelings may creep in.
I also agree with PPs – it’s also a lot for their family to have three weddings that close together. Especially if the weddings aren’t all local. That’s a lot of plane rides and hotel stays.
Post # 11
I’m in the same situation as you are and so I’d love to know what you decide and what happens. My boyfriend and I were planning on getting engaged soonish but then his brother proposed to his SO and they aren’t getting married until Sept of 2015. We don’t want to wait forever to get engaged and married but we don’t want to do everything before they do either. Now I don’t feel so bad about getting engaged while they are engaged and getting married shortly after they do.
Post # 12
I was going to say the same thing as robynrox47:
Please take into consideration the financial aspect. If you are expecting financial help from FI’s side, It might be a burden on them with even less time to help with yours. If its just your parents paying or if you guys are paying for it all yourself then I say go for it. It doesn’t leave a lot of time for a large wedding. Yes Future Sister-In-Law is larger but over 100 is still considered large and costs add up VERY fast.
Post # 13
My dad’s side of the family had 7 weddings in 7 months for different cousins. It was hard, but I only missed one, and this is when I was in college. I think you have more than two months between them, and that is plenty of time.
As far as his dad’s side of the family, I would still invite them. I think it would be very awkward to have them all show up for FSIL’s wedding, and then find out that there was another wedding 4 months prior that they were not invited too.
Before you even have the talk with Future Sister-In-Law, I would at least look into venues. March 2015 isn’t that far away, and from I know of Louisiana, it’s prime wedding season there. Who knows if you will even be able to book a venue. It might be a moot point if you can’t get anything booked.
Post # 14
That is definitely not too soon! My sister in law had hers 4 months after her brother had his. She was just too excited to wait. Granted her now sister in law had some minor bickering about it, my sister in law made sure not to trump over her big day and during their prewedding events she never made it about her and her upcoming wedding, she made it about them. Just learn to give and take, but don’t stress about it. Plan your big day when you want to, you deserve it!!!
Post # 15
Well, I can answer this one with person experience!
My husband and I dated for 5.5 years and then were engaged for a year and a half. A few months after we got engaged and set our date, my sister got engaged to her boyfriend of two years. I asked that my sister not plan her wedding for the same weekend as my wedding. Our parents asked for a month buffer. She set her date 6 weeks prior to mine and it worked out great! We both had it in our hometown (I now live about an hour away) and our overlapping guests didn’t have to travel far (though plenty of our other guests did have to travel).
I can honestly say that it wasn’t a problem, at all. No competition. No jealousy. Our parents were pretty exhausted after the weddings, but they took a nice cruise and felt better! And it was nice because we were able to commiserate about planning woes with each other. We even used some of the same glass vases for our centerpieces!