(Closed) When is someone too young? Kind of ranty

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@babybo709:  Well in general, and partly because of my own dating experiences, I think it’s smart to wait until you’re at least well into your 20s to wed. Of course it’s different for everyone, but the longer you’ve known the person, and the more experience you have (with dating, life in general, etc., the better IMO).

If I married my high school bf I’d be unhappy and likely have no money and a few kids by now. If I married the guy I dated from 19-23 I would be in a lot of debt and probably divorced by now, or in a very emotionally abusive relationship. It took those experiences to get an idea of what I wanted in life.

It looks like I’ll be marrying when I’m 28. I was happy to marry when I was younger, but I’m glad I did not.

I am sure some girls know a good thing when they find it, even when they’re young… which is fair enough. I am just glad I didn’t settle. Had I married the guys I dated before it would definitely be settling. Sounds like you have a good guy and you don’t seem in a huge rush to marry, which is a good thing I think.

Post # 4
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

In general I think that mid 20’s and above is fine. 

 

That isn’t a catalyst for ‘successful marriages’ BUT when I hear of people younger than that getting married and having babies, I kind of pity them because they never had a chance to have a single life, travel and discover themselves. But people are free to live the lives they want to and other people’s opinions should not matter. 

Post # 5
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I live in a big air force community, so a lot of my friends are young wives- we’re talking 17, 18, 19 year old when they got married. For them, some of it is novelty- One of my friends mentions her husband as much as possible, and laughs at people when they call him her boyfriend. She’s 19. They got married because he’s Air Force, they’re from a small town in mid west America, and instead of doing long distance, they got married so she could go with him on his PCS here. That’s another huge reason, as the military sees “girlfriends” completely different then they do “wives”. 

I personally couldn’t imagine being married to my high school sweetheart, even though then I couldn’t think of anything else. I feel bad for the people who get married out of high school, and then don’t enjoy their relationship or their life afterwards, because it’s not what they thought it would be. I have a few friends who were married in to an air force guy, hated it, and now are divorced at 22, some with kids. That makes me sad. (Not saying age speifically caused their divorce). 

Post # 6
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee

@canarydiamond:  Very well said!

@babybo709:  You change a lot as you go through your 20’s and as you change, the type of men you date changes, as do the opportunities you have.  As the pp said, if I were with one of my exes my life would be completley different.

 

My HS BF- he didn’t do anything with his life after college except get a few DUIs.  Glad I’m not with him! We’d be divorced because he has been to jail and has serious substance abuse issues now.

 

My college BF- he ended up with CANCER at 23!  It was  a devastating ordeal… don’t need to say much more.

 

BF at 25- He was not a bad guy, but the rich stockbroker type who always wanted me to look and be perfect… something just never felt completely RIGHT with him.  I loved him, but I suspected deep down that I might be happier with someone else

 

BF at 26… now engaged at 31- My fiance is the man of my dreams and my best friend!  He understands me, accepts me, thinks I’m beautiful, and makes all of my dreams come true.  He loves God and has the same values I do.  He is smart, well educated and successful, and has an executive position as the Assistant Director of Player Development for a Major League Baseball team.  He makes my life wonderful, and I thank GOD every day that I am with him! 

 

The moral of the story is- the right one is worth waiting for.  If the guy you are with now actually is perfect for you, he still will be perfect in 5 years and you can marry him then, right?  There’s no need to rush into marriage.  Why not keep dating for a few years?  Then, if it turns out that he’s NOT perfect in 5 years- well, you won’t have to get divorced. 

Post # 7
Member
4680 posts
Honey bee

I’m not going to say anything other than I hate these threads, everyone has different opinions, and nothing you can say will ever change most people’s opinions on the subject.

Post # 8
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

I’ve been with my guy since we were 16, but I’m not in a rush to get married. We’re in our mid 20s now. I think waiting until you’re 25 is a wise choice. Marriages that happen at that age or later have a better chance of lasting. 

Post # 10
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think having gone through family abuse and mental issues is a reason to wait, honestly. It takes most people many, many years to work through those issues and get persepectives needed on them to not be running to something that may be stable, but not right for the long term.

I think a good general rule is no marriage before age 25. I don’t think it should be a law or anything, but I think it’s a good personal benchmark.

Post # 11
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It is not the age you get married, it is the reason why you do it.

Of course, when you are younger it is easier to fool yourself to believe you are really in love and that what you feel right now its enough to be happily married for the rest of your life.

Some people at 20 are more mature than a 25 year old, so I wouldn’t say it is age (even though it is somehow a factor that affects) but it is all about true maturity.

Post # 12
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@mepayne:  +1, regardless of what your actual opinion is. These threads never end up constructive.

Post # 13
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

There’s no right or wrong answer. Usually, if you have to ask, you’re too young. Not just physically too young, but mentally and emotionally. Being successful in a relationship largely depends on your ability to approach conflict with maturity and deal with life responsibly.

 

With time, these abilities grow. Hence, why people who marry later in life are more likely to not get a divorce. With that said, there are some incredibly mature 18 year olds and some horribly immature 30 year olds.

 

All in all, you’re ability to have a successful marriage is due to a combination of factors, age being one of them. If you make up in other areas what you lack in age, then your marriage can be a success. If you are lacking in age, maturity, finanical responsibility, ect then maybe waiting a few years can be beneficial.

Post # 14
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think an important thing to remember is that age and maturity do not go hand in hand. So saying people shouldn’t marry young really doesn’t mean that much since two people the same age could be at very different points in their lives. 

Post # 15
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@babybo709:  I do not know if I missed it, but I do not think you mentioned your age, just that you just finished your freshman year of college.  I got engaged when I was 20, but I had already finished college.  I was married by 21.  I am now 25 and have been married for 4 years.

I do not think there is an age when you are “too young” (provided that you are an adult), but I do think the circumstances matter.  I can see why getting married at 20 while in college, with no money, and without a clear understanding of what the future awaits could be very stressful and make marriage less pleasant, which could lead to a lot of arguments.  

Post # 16
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@IowaDDS13:  

A lot of factors come into play in the older = better chances of success.  When you are older, you are more likely to have finished your studies; you are also more likely to be more settled and have a job, which in turn means a steady stream of income, which in turn means less financial stress, which is one of the main things people fight about.  

Again, to me it is a matter of where you are in your life, not how old you are.  

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