Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2011 - Laurel Rock Farms, PA
So my husband and I have been together since high school (11 years) we got married on 9-10-11 and had our son on 6-30-12. I would like to have another warm weather baby so between May and Octoberish…… maybe this year maybe not. My question is how do you know when your ready as a mom or when your child is ready to be sibling. I do not want to push our son away or rush him to grow up. He’s such a great boy and I want him to be ready. Any thoughts or opinions even suggestions would be helpful. Thank you. And yes my husband is on board for whenever I decide is right to start trying. Thank you all!!
Post # 2
My kids are 4.5 years apart. I think that’s a little too much. If I had it to do over I would aim for 3 years between kids.
Post # 3
I am 90% certain I am expecting our first child, so I can’t answer from experience. But in my ideal situation I would like my eldest to be 2 1/2 + before the second came along. Not having two in nappies could be good!
Post # 4
The correct time is whatever works for you and your husband.
Post # 5
I am expecting our second baby as I type (currently 32w!). Even when we were TTC this baby, I still wasn’t sure if we were ready. The longer you wait, the harder it gets to think about having another. Dirty Delete was just starting to get “easier,” and I questioned my sanity for wanting to start over again. When this baby arrives, my Dirty Delete will be one month shy of being 3 years old.
Every couple and family dynamic is SO different, so what was right for us, might not be relevant to your situation. We decided to start TTC for a number of reasons. Dirty Delete is becoming old enough to participate with baby care, so I know that will be good for her. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30 (I’m 28). I was getting sick of my job and wanted to be on mat-leave (lol, I know, bad reason, but it played a part). We wanted our kids far enough apart that we didn’t have 2 in diapers, but not so far that they’d be too spaced to not want to play together, etc. I also wanted to wait until Dirty Delete was less dependent on me, since pregnancy tends to bring on some pretty tough health issues for me.
With how Dirty Delete is now at her age, I think this space will be managable, and I will remain as sane as possible. lol
There’s no right answer to this for everyone, and it’s so hard to know what is even right for yourself!
Post # 6
Im about to have my first so I wont know until he/or she is here BUT…. I figure about 2-3 years apart as year 1 Im home on mat leave, year 2 im back at work building up my EI time, then get pregnant either during that year, or just as its up (with pg time added in… ya about that in total).
The one thing Im thinking about is my Darling Husband wants 2 kids mainly because “oh they’ll play together”…. but my logic is if the kids are too far apart they probably wont do much “playing together”. ie: if my 1st child is like 3-4 before I get pregnant again (so they’d be 5 when the baby comes)……and then the “baby” obviously wont be playing with them in terms of being a sibling until they are at least 2+ years old….(1 year olds are mostly still too young for a lot of stuff…cant be left unattended) so that would make the first child around 7 ish before they can really have a “playmate”, you know what I mean? and at that point a 7 year old is in school and making friends and running around, riding bikes and doing sports maybe….. so I dunno if they would be really in tune with eachother?
I say this being an only child lol…so I really have no clue, but thats my guess. I did have a cousin who is 4-5 years younger then me and although she was like a sister to me from the time she was born… I do remember we really werent able to do certain things together until she was old enough to do the stuff I could. Sitting around and playing with toys that a kindergardener does only goes so far when your 9-10. (if that makes sense). I remember thinking “ok Im bored playing with this now… I wanna go play with the big kids who can talk and walk” lol. If we decide to go for 2 it will probably be the year after I go back to work!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2011 - Laurel Rock Farms, PA
I guess it’s more myself being ready for baby number 2 then our son. I just hate to think he wants me and I cant help him because Im tending to a new born. As of now I have in my head we will start to try again come November-February and if nothing happens we will take it from there. I am a summer baby and so is our son and I love it. I would like the next one to be around Augsut Sept so we will see what happens… Thank you all for your thoughts very helpful.
Post # 8
My sister and I are almost 5 years apart. Financially it was great that our parents waited because we never struggled but we aren’t close and I think it’s the age gap. Most of my friends that had sisters or brothers that were only 2-3 years apart were very close.
Post # 9
The only right answer to this question is, whenever you are both ready for #2!<br />I know our DS is 3 months and we are hoping for another sooner than later. For most people that’s too close, for us it’s what we want!
Post # 10
gelaine22: Thats exactly what my train of thought was above (your situation with your sister)!!
OP I guess it depends on your personal reasons to have kids….is it because you and Darling Husband really want 2 (or more) and thats just the way it is (it doesnt matter how close the siblings are timewise or relationshipwise), or is it because you want your child to have a sibling to grow up with and be close to! I think it should be when your comfortable with it period….but if your answer leans towards the latter then closer is probably more favorable.
Post # 11
Personally I think the closer in age the better. It’s good for your kids to have siblings to play with, learn from, teach, etc.. I have a 6 m old right now and ideally would like to start ttc now but because of a few reasons we are going to wait til he is 11 months old to ttc.I think it’s nice to have them closer together also because I just couldn’t imagine finally getting out of the infant stage and then having to go back and do it all again years later. A least right now I’m used to it.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
IMO, it’s when the parents are both ready to add a new LO to the mix. And by “ready” I mean emptionally, mentally, physically, and financially.
I’m weird on this one because we will have a huge age gap between DS and #2. Like, 17 years huge age gap. I honestly thought I was 1 and done, but apparently not. The urge for #2 didn’t hit until DS was 15. So… yeah. But now we are hoping to have 2 rather close together. We’re already 34, so there isn’t a lot of time to waste. We’ll probably TTC #3 when #2 is 10-12 months old.
Post # 13
I’m commenting to follow but also add my thoughts. Currently my DS is 7mths and Darling Husband and I plan on starting to try again around the end of December and full force in Janurary. We really want a fall baby but another winter baby wouldn’t be bad either so DS could be around 22mths when #2 comes. I agree that the older child will adjust to the new baby better than I think. I honestly think it’s me that’s nervous about baby #2. I just want DS to have his time as my baby and to get all my attention while he’s little. And I really don’t want him to get jealous when I have to tend to baby #2. Oh the joys of motherhood and loving a baby
Post # 14
There is no one answer that will work for everyone. I had my children 4 years apart because I wanted the eldest to be old enough to be playing with friends, so I wasn’t all of a sudden unavailable to him. He was busy with friends and playdates.
I also planned spring births because of the weather. I didn’t want to be 8-9 months pregnant during the hot summer. Nor did I want them born in the winter, when it is so cold to go out. Spring babies were perfect or me.
Do what’s perfect for you.
Post # 15
I agree with other PPs, you have to just do what’s right for you and your family. My mom and her sister are 11 years apart, and they have a pretty good relationship. My husband and I are having twins, so they’ll be minutes apart; however, I think that any amount of time in between can work.