When is the earliest I can send invitations/ask for RSVPs?

posted 8 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
912 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Your parents are suggesting B list and C list guest lists, which are tacky and gift grabby.

Invitations go out two to three months prior to the wedding, six months if you are having a destination wedding that requires travel to be arranged. You should expect to give your guests three to four weeks to respond which should give you a month of having your final headcount.

Post # 3
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you already sent out STD’s invitations can be sent 8 to 12 weeks before the wedding.

Your mother’s plan is called B listing and is considered rude where I live. Younger people not familiar with ettiquette might not be offended, but one would think her freinds would be, if the same eiquette applies where she lives.

As far as an rsvp date is concerned, you need to base that on the date your venue/caterer need final numbers. Set your rsvp date abut 10 days before that so you have time to contact the non responders. If you set your rsvp date too early, you will only increase the number of non responders.

Post # 4
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee

You absolutely should not send invites 10 months out!!! I’d send end of August at earliest and get RSVP by Oct. 1 or based on when catering needs numbers by. Don’t do B list invites, it’s rude. 

Post # 5
Member
9820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

6-8 weeks max IMO. You cannot possibly expect people to know for certain they are available for something in November????

And yes it’s tacky to have a B list in most circles.

Post # 6
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“You cannot possibly expect people to know for certain they are available for something in November????”

Yes, and you risk people not RSVPing because they are not sure or responding “yes,” but having to decline later on

Post # 7
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I think if you didn’t send out save the dates, you would have a little more reason to send invitations earlier than usual.  I would say the earliest you can send it is 2 months out.

Post # 8
Member
13900 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your invitations should be sent 6-8 weeks ahead of your event. 

Having a B List to invite other people is incredibly rude. I would be so hurt and offended to be included on such a list. 

Post # 10
Member
912 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

View original reply
sweetbee1616 :  Yeah, shut that ish down. Let them know your guest list is your guest list and even if your 75 guests ALL refuse, you are not inviting these strangers.

Post # 11
Member
2059 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
sweetbee1616 :  I can understand where your mom is coming from (not saying it’s appropriate, but I get it) as my parents helped pay for our wedding. Since they were financially contributing, my husband and I gave them (and my husband’s parents, to be fair) 25 guests to choose all on their own (granted, we had to roughly 200 guests total attend our wedding!) 

I would consider talking to them about B lists not being appropriate and instead make a little extra room in your budget for say 10-15 more people so that they can invite some of their friends, since they are financially contributing.  It shouldn’t be an expectation that you do this, as that’s a gift with strings attached, but instead a kind gesture you may want to extend to them. 

Post # 13
Member
2059 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
sweetbee1616 :  Just wanted to say good luck and I think you’re going about this wonderfully! My absolute least favorite part of wedding planning was the guest list, it was the worst!!

Post # 14
Member
13535 posts
Honey Beekeeper

6-8 weeks ahead maximum for invitations.  Guests are supposed to know that it’s polite to RSVP as soon as possible. RSVP by dates should theoretically be unnecessary, but in the real world a month ahead is plenty and the earliest they should be due in order to give people a reasonable chance to know about genuine conflicts. Emily Post actually says 2-3 weeks, is the proper RSVP by date,  but I think that’s pushing it with some exceptional situations. In any case, no caterer requires final numbers anything close to that far out, more typically a week or less, and vendors are used to working on a close timeline. 

Post # 15
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I get the feeling that the norm differs. Whenever threads like this come up, lots of people say 6-8 weeks. I have NEVER received a wedding invitation that late. In fact, if it came that late I’d be worried it was lost or I’d been uninvited. I like time to book travel and accommodation. 

I sent mine out 6 months ahead with a deadline of 2 months ahead. I was happy with the decision. Only one person was unable to respond by the deadline, for work reasons (she still came, it wasn’t a problem). I’d have been super stressed sending out the invitations only 6 weeks ahead! It’s also not true that no caterer needs numbers that far out. Mine requested four weeks. 

I do think 10 months is too early unless it’s destination. 

 

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