(Closed) ADVICE: When is the right time to get engaged/ married?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: PLEASE HELP!! =) When should we get married/engaged?
    Get engaged now (21) married in two years (23) my BF wait until after we are married to go to school : (18 votes)
    23 %
    Wait to get engaged/married until after my BF goes to school/finds a career (age 25) : (29 votes)
    36 %
    We are too young to get engaged/married- wait to see how we are in 5 years (age 25) : (23 votes)
    29 %
    get engaged now then once we can afford a wedding get married (most likely 5+ years) : (10 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I voted get engaged now, and married in two years.  I may be biased, because that was a lot like our plan..  But if money is an issue when considering the wedding and school, keep in mind that once you are married, you get a lot of financial aid!

    Post # 4
    Member
    220 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m a pretty young bride (23– was 22 when engaged and will be 24 at wedding), and like you had been with my SO for a long time (will be 7 yrs at wedding). I got the same itch around the same age/dating timespan as you. I wanted to get married so badly, I thought “We’ll make it work!” (He’s a mechanic, I was finishing up college and working a not-so-great but career-track job). I am SO glad we waited just a little bit longer. About 2 years after I got that itch, we got engaged– I had a successful, full time career, we moved to a new city, purchased a home, he changed jobs. We’re paying for our wedding in cash (AND i got the ring of my dreams).

    EVERYTHING can change SO fast at this age. Just wait. Eventually, everything will line up. No need to rush it– one thing I told myself to get through my “itch” was that we would never be able to go backwards. Once you’re engaged, you’re never un-engaged, and once you’re married, you won’t go back to the string-free relationship.

    Hope this helps!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee

    @kernzs:  Married men do better in grad school (at least ph d’s do)

    Post # 6
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I didn’t pick a poll option because I had a question – if you do get married in 2 years or so, why is it that your Boyfriend or Best Friend wouldn’t be able to start school until after that point? Because of the expense involved in the wedding you want, or is he not planning on starting school for 2 years or so regardless of how soon you get married (and if that is the case – why?)

    Post # 8
    Member
    431 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Hey You sound almost like me ๐Ÿ™‚ (except we have been together a shorter amount of time, 3 years) We just got engaged and we are both twenty one! I work at a daycare and he is finishing school (will be done in about a year and a half) and once he is done with school (and gets a job) we plan to get married asap. So if you feel like you are ready, get engaged, its a very special step and two years isn’t too long to wait to get married ๐Ÿ™‚ GOOD LUCK!!

    Post # 9
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Hmm that’s tough. But I’m going to say that if it were me…at your point in life I probably would have just wanted to get married ASAP and then worry about school later. But in hindsight, not that much changes after marriage if you’re already committed and living together, and like you said, once you get married you’re going to start wanting babies, and working plus school plus having a child to take care of is a LOT. I know because I’m about to do it! I wanted to be married and my Darling Husband is 4 years older than me so he was really ready, and I was so excited and ready that we went ahead and I got married at 23, now a year later I’m pregnant and will be 25 when I have our baby…and I still have to worry about school. We’re going to figure it out and make it happen, but in hindsight I wish I had school a higher priority earlier in life.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4049 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    It doesn’t sound like you two are settled enough. Let him get his job/school situation figured out and going. Then get engaged and get married.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @kernzs:  I think the scenario you gave there is basically the worst-case scenario, I really don’t think it needs to be so dragged out – why does he need to work on his career for a couple of years after graduating before the two of you can get engaged? That seems kinda silly, especially when you don’t want to wait longer than you have to.  

    But I’d try to avoid setting any specific deadlines, you’re still young and often they just lead to you two feeling like you failed because you didn’t do a something by a certain age, or him pushing himself towards a degree just to get it done, and then realizing after that he isn’t happen with it. For right now I would just save as much as you two can from your jobs while you finish school, and in the meantime for him to do some research and try to figure out what type of careers and majors interest him. Once you graduate the two of you can re-assess and take a look at how much you have managed to save, if he has figured out what he would like to major in, etc. It’s totally feasible to get married while he’s still in school if at least one of you works full time and the one in school is still working part time.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5883 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I don’t know what is right for you, but from my experience (I’m 42), everyone that I know that got married before 25 is now divorced; everyone I know that was dating in HS/college (so late teens, early 20’s) and got married after 25 is still together.

    Your brain is still growing and changing. You may be mature, but you aren’t fully grown yet. Give yourselves some time to growup, try different career paths, get some education, etc before you put the pressure of marriage on your relationship.

    Post # 15
    Member
    483 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @kernzs:  Wait to get  engaged! You sound really in love, and like you’re in a great situation with work/school, and that’s awesome! I was you about 9 years ago, almost to a tee, and life sorta went off the rails, as it sometimes does, and I came out the othwer side of it with the realization that this man that I loved wasn’t the man I could marry. And THANK GOD I didn’t! You have no idea how much you and your fellah are going to change in the next 5 years!  If you guys are solid now, then you’ll still be solid in a few years once you get through a big chunk of your 20’s first.


    I’m 30 now, and I don’t mean do sound like a preachy asshole, but I am so glad I didn’t let my 21 year old self choose my partner for the rest of my life, because that 21 year old girl so is not me anymore. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I do think it’s funny that you said: ***One thing I should add, is my BF isn’t even 100% sure what career path/school program he wants to take— for the past 5 years he has changed it many times (and I don’t blame him or expect him to know at age 20 what he wants to do for the rest of his life) 

    Yet you expect him to know who he wants to be with for the rest of his life Tongue Out

    I say wait to get engaged until he gets his situation figured out and you guys are a bit older – especially considering you seem to be paying for the wedding yourselves. I *just* got engaged and really wanted to be engaged in college but it’s much better that I did it now (26), when things are more solid in our life. 
     

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