When is the Right Time to Move in with your S/O?

posted 2 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 16
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

MegChristine1 :  For your situation, I would wait another year and then revisit the topic. I do think you should live together before getting engaged, but should be on the same page on when to get engaged/married when you do. Such as, “I’ll move in with you on the agreement we’ll bee engaged within two years, with a goal of being married in three.” Then if he doesn’t meet that goal, you can decide to move out.

I’m also 21, and have been with my SO for over four years now. We moved in together last September with the intention of being engaged by the end of the year, and we were. Both of us are quite happy with everything, and are excited to start touring venues this June. 

Just keep the lines of communication open and let us know how it goes! πŸ™‚

Post # 17
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

Personally, I would not want an engagement without the opportunity to live together first. I think it’s important to make sure that your daily living habits are compatible and that you have a chance to see the others financial habits by sharing some expenses. I moved in with my SO at 23 and we had been together 4 years at that point, but the first 3 were long distance. I say give the distance a little time to see how you both feel and then make a decision from there.

Yes, breaking up once you live together is harder, but not as hard as a divorce would be.

Post # 18
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I refused to do it till we were engaged. I think its a great balance between waiting for marriage but preventing being a perpetual live-in gf .

Post # 19
Member
11 posts
Newbee

My soon-to-be finace & I moved in together last May after 5 years of dating. We started dating as teens & are currently 23/24. We’ve known that we want to get married for years, but have been waiting for a less busy time in our lives (we’re both full time students). Before we moved in together we had a serious discussion regarding our plans for our future and specifically when we wanted to officially get engaged. I would suggest having a similar conversation with your S/O to make sure you both are on the same page (not just “soon” – go for a time frame). This also helps when we get marriage questions from nosy family members- “So you’re gonna get married rignt?” “We are waiting until I finish graduate school.” We’ve stuck to our timeline & will be officially announcing our engagement after my graduation ceremony (coincidentally exactly 1 year after he moved in).  I wouldn’t change a thing about the way we’ve gone about things, but it definitely would not have worked without open and honest communication about our intentions beforehand.

Post # 21
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

My SO and I live together, but we had been dating for 6 years when we moved in and have a very specific timeline for engagement (when I am done with school). We also moved out of state where we don’t know anyone else, and we felt we were ready to live together and it made sense. Everyone is different, but our relationship has felt even stronger/more committed since we moved in together.

Post # 22
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

We never lived together before we got married. I lived with my parents and he lived with his parents. We haven’t had issues because we didn’t live together

Post # 24
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

caligirlinmichigan :  I started typing a response, and then I realized you had covered everything! That’s exactly how my fiance and I did things also.

Post # 25
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve been with SO through out all of college and now post-grad, and we have lived together on and off during that time. Not because we don’t love living together, but because we do what makes most sense for us during the time of life we are in. Our senior year of college, he was having to stay for a fifth year and I was getting my masters so we lived together to save money. We spent the night at one place or the other every night and we were wasting money on two rents. Then, post grad his dad offered to let him live in his condo (vacation place in the city we moved to post grad, his dad doens’t live here) so that he could pay off student debt. I wanted to live with my best friend from college and have a little bit of independence for the first time in my life. I was finally not depending on my parents, so I didn’t want to go and live under his dad’s roof (ie not be paying him rent). I felt I would be taking advantage and I wanted to be 100% on my own for the first time. So currently, we live in separate places! We have already decided that when my lease ends (not for another 15 months) we will move in together – we won’t be married yet, but we will be engaged by then (if life goes the way we hope lol). 

I just try not to take it too seriously. I definitely think there should be some serious committment, no one wants to be the forever girlfriend post move in… but I just don’t think there is a best time and we just take these decisions as they come πŸ™‚ 

I will say, I would definitely recommend living with someone before marriage – you learn A LOT about how you work together. It wasn’t until we lived together that we knew just how excited we should be about our future together. 

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