(Closed) when is to much not enough? gifts for your unappreciative bridesmaid!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

IMO don’t feel obligated to get them something else if you can’t afford it just to feel bad. I do think it’s weird that she’s telling you all the costs and honestly a little weird, almost like she wants you to keep tabs. Don’t take it to heart if they get upset at your woodwick candles, it’s the thought that counts and nobody asked them to spend $6 per invite etc. (I’m not even spending that much on paper that’s being thrown out!)

Post # 4
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Is the candle something they would normally enjoy as just a gift for any reason? If so I would stick with it if thats what you can afford rather than trying to keep tabs on what you “owe” them. If it isn’t then I would rethink it, because if they are going to all this trouble then I do think the gift should be something you know they will enjoy!

Have you mentioned that all the money they are spending is making you feel uncomfortable?

Post # 5
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves

@Missleebee:  This is so stressfull, have you tell them they don’t need to spend this much money?

Post # 8
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@Missleebee:  Wait, y’all are going to return champagne glasses after using them in the shower???

Post # 10
23 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

I had a similar problem with money and gifts. My bridesmaids are all flying out to my destination wedding and I wanted to get them a really specialgift but didn’t have the money. I’m making each one of them photo albums with pics of both of us in them. I think it would be a very special gift and it won’t be about the money then.  That might be a nice option!

Post # 11
115 posts
Blushing bee

Oh geez, they should not be telling you how much everything is costing. 🙁 It is their call how much they want to spend–you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything. I hear you though–I decided in the end that I was okay with a shower (had been feeling really awkward/silly about it) but have tried *really* hard to communicate to people that I would like a chill, laid back shower. BBQ. Park. Silly theme with inexpensive presents. The fancier/more expensive it is I think the more awkward I will feel, but at some point you just have to accept it for the gift that it is and not feel guilty or obligated to reciprocate in kind, at least moneywise.

Post # 12
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

They should not be sharing the costs of your shower with you, that’s really rude and uncomfortable.  I think you should gift them what you can afford (example – I gave the hosts of my shower each a sunflower plant, a reasonably priced item that will last a long time), and if they say anything to you… that just makes them even more rude.

Post # 13
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@futuremrsfitz18:  I agree with this one. just make sure you have a nice card with a little blurb from you so it shows sentiment.

Post # 14
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow….I can’t believe she is telling YOU, the bride, how much things at YOUR shower costs…

That is just not right.

You really shouldn’t have to think about that at all.

Post # 15
13 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is almost EXACTLY what I’m going through! I have 4 bridesmaids including a Maid/Matron of Honor and then the Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister) goes and tells me what I HAVE to do for them. I’m a very lenient and laid back bride, not demanding a thing from any of the BMs or Maid/Matron of Honor, but yesterday I was RUDELY told that I HAVE to pay for their hair and make-up as a gift, since my Maid/Matron of Honor claims to have spent alot of money on my shower and bachelorette party. Mind you, I NEVER told them to pay for it professionally. I gave them their own option. I NEVER told my Maid/Matron of Honor to go and spend all this money, it was on her own accord and now as she told me yesterday “we deserve to be compensated.”  I was originally going to treat them all to a manicure and pedicure for a gift and something cute on the side. I  told them what I was going to give them, since one of the bridesmaids wanted to know what I was giving them as a gift. When they heard what they were getting the “lovely” Maid/Matron of Honor said to me…”That’s IT? You can’t just give that. You’re really gyyping us for all that we’ve done for your shower.” I’m so upset and angry with my sister Maid/Matron of Honor for saying that to me. I totally feel for you… 🙁

Post # 16
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Missleebee:  If you are throwing a shower with the intent to a)show off how much money you can spend or b)get a great hostess gift and lots of praise, you are throwing a shower for all of the wrong reasons.


The candles are a lovely gift, I dont suggest you buy anything else.

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