Post # 1
I have a personal shower coming up and one of my bridesmaids and her mother is going over the top. They spent $8 per invite and $6 per glass they bought chargers for under the plates and are doing everything yippity skippity. Me on the other hand feel weird when she tells me the prices of everything she spends on the shower. I understand throwing a shower is expensive to begin with but when someone is going over the top in my opinion I dont feel like thats my fault nor do I feel that she should tell me all shes spending when she knows im a bargain shopper and wont buy anything full price or without a coupon. I have bought her and her mother a woodwick candle $20 each. But I feel like they will open it and be like WTF this is all i get for throwing you this awesome shower. I personally dont have the money to spend bc of all the wedding stuff but I am seriously stressing about it. What is another gift for around $25 or something homemade I could make to make them appreciate the gift more than just a giftcard.. PLEASE HELP its on the 28th!
Post # 3
IMO don’t feel obligated to get them something else if you can’t afford it just to feel bad. I do think it’s weird that she’s telling you all the costs and honestly a little weird, almost like she wants you to keep tabs. Don’t take it to heart if they get upset at your woodwick candles, it’s the thought that counts and nobody asked them to spend $6 per invite etc. (I’m not even spending that much on paper that’s being thrown out!)
Post # 4
Is the candle something they would normally enjoy as just a gift for any reason? If so I would stick with it if thats what you can afford rather than trying to keep tabs on what you “owe” them. If it isn’t then I would rethink it, because if they are going to all this trouble then I do think the gift should be something you know they will enjoy!
Have you mentioned that all the money they are spending is making you feel uncomfortable?
Post # 5
- Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves
@Missleebee: This is so stressfull, have you tell them they don’t need to spend this much money?
Post # 6
@kerpao Thank you! its money money money with that family always trying to 1 up. My fiance suprised me with a 1 1/4 carat round diamond. She had a 3/4 princess and 1 month after my engagement her husband suprised her with a 1 carat round diamond after she told him how unhappy with her diamond she was and how much bigger and sparklier mine was against her 3/4 princess……
@Utopia4us Yes, I have! I even asked her where she purchased the champagne flutes and said we will take them back with the price tags still stuck to the bottom so she can get her money back after the shower bc of how horrible I feel with all the money spent… seriously I dont feel bad.. its just like a shock they are spending money on stuff no one cares about. a $1 champagne glass towards a slanted top $6 champange glass isnt going to make a difference in what the guest think.. but we will see all the other elaborate things to come. And yes, i’m so bad I wont even spend the $20 on a woodwick for myself to burn and enjoy. i bought my soon to me Mother in law one for christmas and I was so amazed at how cool they are! I want one for myself so bad.. but dont want to spend the money on candle for just me 🙂
Post # 7
yes.. Ive told her. plenty of times. she said she just wants it to be “extra special”
Post # 8
Wait, y’all are going to return champagne glasses after using them in the shower???
Post # 9
I was telling her that to make her realize its STUPID to buy glasses for $6! when you have to buy 20+
No she will not return them.
Post # 10
I had a similar problem with money and gifts. My bridesmaids are all flying out to my destination wedding and I wanted to get them a really specialgift but didn’t have the money. I’m making each one of them photo albums with pics of both of us in them. I think it would be a very special gift and it won’t be about the money then. That might be a nice option!
Post # 11
Oh geez, they should not be telling you how much everything is costing. 🙁 It is their call how much they want to spend–you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything. I hear you though–I decided in the end that I was okay with a shower (had been feeling really awkward/silly about it) but have tried *really* hard to communicate to people that I would like a chill, laid back shower. BBQ. Park. Silly theme with inexpensive presents. The fancier/more expensive it is I think the more awkward I will feel, but at some point you just have to accept it for the gift that it is and not feel guilty or obligated to reciprocate in kind, at least moneywise.
Post # 12
They should not be sharing the costs of your shower with you, that’s really rude and uncomfortable. I think you should gift them what you can afford (example – I gave the hosts of my shower each a sunflower plant, a reasonably priced item that will last a long time), and if they say anything to you… that just makes them even more rude.
Post # 13
I agree with this one. just make sure you have a nice card with a little blurb from you so it shows sentiment.
Post # 14
Wow….I can’t believe she is telling YOU, the bride, how much things at YOUR shower costs…
That is just not right.
You really shouldn’t have to think about that at all.
Post # 15
This is almost EXACTLY what I’m going through! I have 4 bridesmaids including a Maid/Matron of Honor and then the Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister) goes and tells me what I HAVE to do for them. I’m a very lenient and laid back bride, not demanding a thing from any of the BMs or Maid/Matron of Honor, but yesterday I was RUDELY told that I HAVE to pay for their hair and make-up as a gift, since my Maid/Matron of Honor claims to have spent alot of money on my shower and bachelorette party. Mind you, I NEVER told them to pay for it professionally. I gave them their own option. I NEVER told my Maid/Matron of Honor to go and spend all this money, it was on her own accord and now as she told me yesterday “we deserve to be compensated.” I was originally going to treat them all to a manicure and pedicure for a gift and something cute on the side. I told them what I was going to give them, since one of the bridesmaids wanted to know what I was giving them as a gift. When they heard what they were getting the “lovely” Maid/Matron of Honor said to me…”That’s IT? You can’t just give that. You’re really gyyping us for all that we’ve done for your shower.” I’m so upset and angry with my sister Maid/Matron of Honor for saying that to me. I totally feel for you… 🙁
Post # 16
@Missleebee: If you are throwing a shower with the intent to a)show off how much money you can spend or b)get a great hostess gift and lots of praise, you are throwing a shower for all of the wrong reasons.
The candles are a lovely gift, I dont suggest you buy anything else.