- 3 years ago
My fiancee and I got engaged 2 montha ago and while it was a fantastic day and we were ectastic/ and still are, it was definitly diminshed in a way than what it could have been a few days after because my beautiful, caring, amazing mother of 56 got diagnosed with inoperatble pancreatic cancer( at the moment only hopefully, we’re holding out hope that the chemo will shrink the tumour and eventually do surgery, thats our hope but at the moment, its inoperapble) My mom is one of my best friends and is honestly our family centre, our rock,and as she was so happy and healthy, it has hit our family hard.
My fiancee start ring shopping in April and got my moms cancer diagnosis in the end of June, and he proposed in August. And again, the first week was fantastic but after that, we seem to have got back to reality of whats really going on with my mom. Its hard to get as excited as I should be, we are both excited, but its hindered by the cancer. I know he feels likes I should be happier but says he “understand” but I can also tell that it isnt what he pictured but it isnt for me either in the sense I thought we would all be happier but its so hard to be really happy when you just dont know if your mom will make it to your wedding…so we have a venue but i convinced him to wait another 2 weeks to book our date after we find out the results of my moms ct scan to check on the tumor, as pancreatic cancer is really progressive and only has 5% survival rate, and only a small percentage of that lives past 5 years.
So I have told my fiancee lately to hug me more, kiss me more, and being more touchy feely, because I need to be held. We have been together for 6 and a hlaf years and while he is generally a really thoughtful person, lately he is more distant rather than closer, which is what I need. Sometimes Im a little more emotional, but granted for a good reason, but instead of being understanding, he gets upset at me and creates more arguments rather than less. Everything has to be an argument it seems. We are arguing more than ever and this is a time where I thought he would be less arugmentive, more touchy feely, more thoughtful, more loving. I keep reaching out and 1 day we’re good, and the next its back to normal and I feel like Im now putting up a wall and growing to be resentive of him.
I thought we’ve been to the moon and back and could do anything together and lately, it just seems like we argue, argue, argue and now, Im thinking this isnt normal..this isnt right. I know my fiancee is really close to my mom too, his second mom, but its my mom and this is just killing me inside and he should be here for me…
Should I have concerns about this? That this should be a time he should be there for me close, emotionally and physically? I know he maybe feel left out that this should be the happiest time of our lives and we cant really be as happy as we want to be and havent booked a venue yet but theres a legitimate reason why. Do you think my moms cancer diagnosis and chemo is making us lash out at each other or should we see someone or what should be done?
Im so emotionally spent right now, I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Crohn’s Disease and Hashimotos disease so the stress of all this is horrible on me.