- 5 years ago
I’ve posted on here numerous times about how I am 23, and my bf of 6 1/2 years is 25. We are both finally moving in together in August and when it comes down to “getting engaged,” he has always said that it will happen after we move in together. I don’t know whether it will be 6 months, 1 year, 2 years after we move in and I have since stopped asking him exactly how long after we move in together…. I shouldn’t have to ask constantly.
Someone I go to nursing school with (I am taking summer classes) came into clinical the other day jumping up in joy showing off her engagement ring and talking about how her boyfriend proposed to her the night before. I was so happy for her and it was nice to see how genuinely happy she was about it, but I couldn’t help but feel such resentment towards my bf.
I had previously given up on waiting and I started telling myself I don’t even care if I ever get married at this point, (even though I do care). Every week it seems like someone my age is getting engaged and there is talk about weddings and bridal showers all over the place and I can’t help but feel so angry and full of resentment.
I sit back and think to myself: What difference will it make if we are married or not? Do I want to get married just because everyone else is going through it? Do I want to get engaged so I can show off a sparkling rock on my finger? Do I want to get married because it seems like the right thing to do at this point in time? It wouldn’t matter to me if we ever did get married or not because I know no matter what that I want to spend my life with this person, so what is the point of getting married? Do I want to get married so I can actually feel the reassurance that he does want to spend the rest of his life with me even though he has already said he wants to get married after we live together first? Why should I have reason to doubt him?
There are other men out there who feel sure enough that they want to spend the rest of their lives with their girlfriend so they propose…. yet mine has yet to do it in 6 1/2 years. He does everything for me and then some, he treats me like a queen, yet it will be 7 years in January and I will still just be his “girlfriend.” He bought me a car when I totaled mine, he takes me out to dinner every week, he pays for everything, we go on vacation (he pays) once-twice a year, he offers to gives me money for tuition even when I refuse it and he would do ANYTHING for me……so I can’t help but ask, why should I doubt him after all that he does for me? Am I being ungrateful?
His reasoning is that he wanted to save up for a house first so we can get accustomed to finally living together after 6 years and then get married, which I can understand, but it upsets me so much to the point where I absolutely avoid talking about getting married. Part of me gets furious and full of absolute resentment towards him, and part of me at the same time feels as though I am being so selfish and ungrateful by feeling that way towards him after all that he does for me.
So I will ask: Am I being ungrateful?