Post # 1
Do any of you wonder if this stuff is stressful because you are also planning a wedding or is it that everything just always happens at once?
So I got engaged in October of 2008 but we decided that we wanted to get married in September 2010 because we were planning on paying for the whole wedding ourselves. So the first year I was engaged was pretty nice, didn’t really do a lot of planning really only bought my dress. But when I got about a year out to my wedding and had to start making decisions it seemed like all the other areas of my life started to crumble. First thing was my super close friend at work and I started to get really distant because she was getting invited out to a lot of co-worker house and parties and I was not. To be perfectly honest with you I got really jealous of her but it wasn’t like it was her fault. I really struggled with this jealousy but I tried to work through it because she is a really good friend and one of my bridesmaids. Then 2010 started and all hell broke loose. First I got promoted which I was pretty excited about until I found out my new assistant hated me for no real reason and made a point to tell a number of people in the office how much she hated me. Everyone told me to watch my back because she was not a good person but the eternal optimist that I am tried to believe the best in her and confronted her on what I have been hearing and let her know that I was not sure what happened to make her feel this way about me but that we should try and start with a clean slate. I knew I didn’t have too much to worry about because I have a fairly good reputation in the office and knew a lot of people could speak to my character if she started to stir things up (also she worked for the company for 3 months (the min amount of time you have to work here to get stress leave) before she went on stress leave for 8 months so I knew she knew how to work the system and a lot of people didn’t have a lot of respect for her for doing this). Things started really good with us in the beginning but then she started calling in sick a lot and coming in late a lot. She did have a lot going on in her own life so I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and tried to work with her to get her back on track and it worked for about a month and then back to being sick a lot which resulted in my work suffering because I was constantly doing her work. So needless to say I have been working with HR to get her back on track and she is fighting me every step of the way when in actuality I am the only one that is still sticking up for her (which I know I have to stop). I have started to take the initial steps towards either her getting back on track or her getting fired which she is not happy about and feels like I have betrayed her (to give you an idea of how often she was sick from January to end of April she was “sick” close to 15 times and probalby late 30 times). Then on top of dealing with this in January I receive this letter from a co-worker (who I was kind of friends with as well) telling me what a horrible person I am and listing everything I have ever done wrong to her in the last year. As well as stating that I am a horrible friend to the friend I was jealous of (which I wasn’t the best friend but I was there for her when it counted). This was the meanest thing that anyone has ever written to me in my life (I cried for three days over it) and has taken me a long time to get back some of the self-esteem that I used to have.
So I am in a new job with a new boss and new people I have never worked with before who are all super clicky and will not talk to me if my life depended on it, I have an assistant who thinks I betrayed her because I sent her a letter telling her that she need to start doing her job, there is no formal training for my position so I am just trying to figure out everything out myself and now I am planning a wedding! Not to mention I am having some health issues (nothing serious just having issues losing weight and my feet go numb when I run).
Guess it is true that when it rains it pours!
I think I know the answer to this because I read the emotional board a lot but is anyone else seem to just have one thing after another going wrong in other areas in you life. I keep telling myself life wouldn’t be as interesting if everything went smoothly but I probably wouldn’t complain if it did go smoothly either :).
Post # 3
Wow. That IS pouring!
The good news is that you’re doing things right by working with HR and keeping things documented. I’m sorry all this is happening.
How long has she been your assistant?
Post # 4
I have been working with her for about 5 months now. She was only back full time a couple days from her stress leave when I took over the position.
Post # 5
Sorry you’ve been having a stressful year. Sometimes all you can do is hang in there and wait for things to get better.
I relate to the when it rains it pours- this year has been one bad things after another. My fiance had 3 slipped disks and couldn’t work for a month. Since he went back to work, he’s had to work long hours so we don’t get as much time together. His aunt who raised him passed away in March. The day of her funeral, we found out my mom has stage 3 cancer. She is waiting until after the wedding to start chemo. He’s had a hard time dealing with his aunt passing away and ended up dropping out of the pharmacy tech training program he was in. My car died, so now we’re sharing his car. Things have been super busy for me at work. His best friend had a seziure, my grandmother is very ill, my dog’s pancreas stopped working and now she’s on a weird diet that makes her stink, and we just moved.
All we can do is hope things are better the second half of this year. At least we know that no matter what life throws our way, we will be there for each other and get through it together.
Post # 6
hate to sound like your mom here, but be thankful you HAVE a job! A lot of people don’t right now, and that is stressful stuff!
even so, I def understand how stressful/annoying coworkers can be. seriously, these chicks you work with are major drains on you. You sound like you are too nice. Lay down the law with miss Stressed-out and late all the time. Tell her to shape up and STOP enabling her by doing her work. It sounds like she is one of those people who chronically has personal issues and she will use that to manipulate people and get out of doing her work.
Post # 7
My god you need a bucket to stop the rain! or an umbrella. or better yet get some gumboots!
I have no words of advice but to hang in there! There is some sunshine around!
Post # 8
Don’t get me wrong I am completely grateful I have a job. I was very fortunate that I work for a company that didn’t lay a single person off during all that has happened in the last year. But on the other hand that is also partly my frustration with my assistant. There are so many people out there that want to work for this company and want a job like hers I don’t understand why she doesn’t see that and make the most of it.
The experiences that I have to go through in the past couple months have just made me stronger as a person and really forced me to push my comfort zone. I have always hated to have confrontations with people and with all the has happened it has made me deal with uncomfortable situations and make it through ok :).
Post # 9
I agree….I don’t think I would be AS stressed as I am right now if I didn’t have an upcoming wedding too. Although in a way, it’s getting me by – although right now I’m not even as excited about the wedding as I am about being able to take A WEEK OFF OF WORK!!! I keep looking at the calendar and counting down….get through this week and then I just have four more work weeks to survive. I’m already telling people do NOT even think about contacting me with work issues during that week!!!
My job is being ultra demanding right now. I’ve put my foot down in some areas or it would be even worse but I’m still working 9, 10, 11 hour days, and I’m salaried so no overtime! At least a colleague that I respect a lot totally validated my stress level yesterday, saying that he knows that I’m dealing with some very difficult, demanding people. I told him that I’m getting married in a month and he laughed and said, “Yeah, so you’re a little stressed right now, aren’t you??” It’s temporary and somewhat coincidental that my workload went up a couple notches, and things should start to die down within a month or two. It’s also making me look really good to supervisors. But it’s REALLY hard to deal with on top of the wedding and other really stressful stuff that’s happened lately!
I can’t wait to run away, turn off my phone, change my voice mail so it says (nicely), “I’m getting married this week; if you’re calling about work, call someone else!” and get married!!!
Post # 10
Ouch, I’m so sorry so much is going on in your world. There doesn’t seem to be much you can do about the assistant. Aside from following HR’s lead. You need an assistant that’s there to assist, its not betrayal to ask her to fulfill her duties. What I’d do about the friend, the one you were jealous of, is reach out, tell the truth an apologize. Chances are she’s sensed something was up and she’s gone to the other person (the one who wrote the mean letter) to talk about it. That person that wrote you the letter, where the things it contained valid? It sounds pretty malicious, there were better ways to handle any problems she had with you. I’d probably leave that alone, take the high road.
I’ve always wondered if things all happen at once, or if what we’re dealing with just gets more difficult to handle as more things get thrown at you. Who knows? I do know that my coping mechanisms weaken when I have a lot on my mind.
I really hope it starts to improve for ya.