(Closed) When it's THEIR turn, how will you act?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: How will you act toward problem BM's/people when THEY are the brides-to-be?
    I will be supportive, because I know what NOT to do after my own experience. : (39 votes)
    48 %
    I will be nice, but not overly involved in the wedding. : (30 votes)
    37 %
    I will be in the wedding and be a complete bridesmaidzilla... sweet revenge! : (4 votes)
    5 %
    I will decline if asked to be in the wedding. : (8 votes)
    10 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Honestly, most of my bridesmaids sucked. I didn’t ask a lot from them, the bare mininum really (order a dress, come to the shower if you can and help my mom who planned and paid for it, come to rehearsal and be there for me day of wedding) and it was pulling teeth to get them to do what little I did want. For instance, I expected my Maid/Matron of Honor or other Bridesmaid or Best Man to help me carry my train while we were doing pictures, etc. They kept ditching me and I was struggling to do it myself. They didn’t help with my showers at all, etc. So if I am in their weddings, I will be less inclined to go above and beyond after how they just called it in for my wedding.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3078 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Even for my BMs that were a pain in my neck I would be supportive and as involved as they wanted me to be.  I think it would be petty to stoop to their level.  If you already know how stressful it is, why put that on someone else?  I feel like that’s just inviting bad karma.

    Post # 6
    Member
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I had one bridesmaid that was difficult the whole time. And she basically begged me in the beginning include her in my wedding party. If she invited me to be in her wedding party, I would simply be the best Bridesmaid or Best Man I could be.

    I think she is just immature and didn’t understand that I didn’t have time for her drama, extra requests (I paid for her alterations to help her with costs, and with all 5 BMs we went for a final fitting and everything was great, but then Monday the week of the wedding she demanded extra alterations because the dress “made her look fat” and said she would not wear the dress if she didn’t get it taken in more, so I ran and had that done for her), and her not getting along with people.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I didn’t have anybody who sucked or anything, but I did have two who went ABOVE AND BEYOND and one who just did the bare minimum (bought dress, showed up to wedding, etc). For the two who went above and beyond, I’m actually almost definitely going to be Maid/Matron of Honor at their weddings and I DEFINITELY plan on going above and beyond for each of them as they did for me (and they did this while in college for one, and following her father’s death for the other, so they really were saints and did everything and were excited to help out even though I didn’t ask them to do a thing). For the one who did the bare minimum, I definitely will/would be excited about her wedding and will help out when asked, but I may feel less inclined to go out of my way to ask her if she needs help with anything…I would never be anything but helpful and excited and supportive, but I could see not putting in extra effort. Whereas I would jump through fire for the other two.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5965 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    You know, as someone that was a terribly low maintenance bride, got engaged and married in under three months and didn’t have a bridal shower, bachelorette party or engagement party…my one and only attendant, had it pretty easy.  There was nothing to do, and other than a serendipidous excursion in which we actually found my wedding dress on accident, I didn’t really need her time or attention.

    Now that she’s getting married, I can say I would honestly rather extinguish a cigar with my ass, than be in this wedding….that is how terrible she has been so far.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1333 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I have always been the bridesmaid, and have yet to the bride 🙂  So, my view is from a completely different perspective, but has been witnessed thru the years nonetheless!

    I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man 6 times total, twice being the Maid/Matron of Honor.  For me, I was engulfed in their process, their day, etc.  (And no, I am not bragging!!).  I spent money I dresses I loved, and dresses I hated.  I planned parties, attended parties, paid for parties and traveled to parties – without ever letting the bride know that I may have been frustrated, or over my spending limit, or whatever!!

    Feeling as if I have been a pretty stand-up Bridesmaid or Best Man (not bragging, SWEAR 🙂 ), I STILL worry about my future wedding day, and am already trying to figure out how I will alter my attitude, or not be hurt.  And it is NOT because I do not have the most amazing gals in the world, whom I want standing next to me, but because I feel that a lot of people have a ‘been there, done that’ attitude AFTER their big day.  More so, in the they have moved on type of way, and not in the ‘they could care less’ type of way.  Maybe, for me, it is because they got married in our mid twenties, and I will not be married until my early 30’s.  They have started their families, and are well passed their newlywed phase, etc.

    SO, while I hope they will prove me otherwise, I have seen that mentality when they are telling me about weddings they are in of friends I do not know well, such as how much money they are spending, or how they have to buy a dress, or travel (HELLO, all things people did for them!)….does that make sense?!

    Post # 11
    Member
    7652 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My Maid/Matron of Honor and my Bridesmaid or Best Man were amazing. I didn’t expect them to help. I just wanted them to wear the dress and come enjoy my day, and that is exactly what they did. I am a Maid/Matron of Honor for my MOH’s wedding this July, and I offered help on whatever she needed. Otherwise, I am wearing the dress and showing up.

    My SIL, who was my other Bridesmaid or Best Man, was a pain in the ass. Couldn’t keep her mouth shut about anything. I don’t think she will ever get married because she has already said she isn’t really the type, but if she did, assuming she would ask me (which she wouldn’t) I’d decline because I saw her attitude as a bridesmaid. I couldn’t imagine as a bride.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    Most of my BMs have been amazing so far. I haven’t really asked anything of them, but they’re all just really supportive and genuinely happy for me. There’s only one who has been pretty bitter and unsupportive since we got engaged. I’m going to be the better person when she’s getting married and actually be (or at least act) excited about things. However, if she becomes a total bridezilla (she’s a high maintenance bridesmaid so I could totally see this happening) I won’t have any issues bowing out of the bridal party. Life’s too short and planning our wedding has given me perspective that will be helpful in the future (:

    Post # 14
    Member
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @AnonymousCupcake:  That’s exactly it, I don’t think they would appreciate the extra effort if I did go above and beyond for their weddings. It just hurts my feelings a bit because I know these girls (other than my sister) have been in other weddings and done a LOT more with planning bach parties and showers, etc. I feel like since I was laid back and didn’t “expect” a lot of them that they just took that as a cue to call it in. Which wasn’t what I meant, I was just trying to not be a demanding bridezilla and keeping their expenses low, it didn’t mean that I didn’t want all the basic bridal party stuff.

    That’s not to say that I would be UNsupportive in their weddings, or try to start drama or anything, that’s not what I mean at all. I just mean whereas if I had been in their wedding before mine, I may have tried REALLY hard and spent a lot of money to give them awesome showers and bach parties. Now I just don’t feel like I need to because they didn’t offer or try to do that for me. Maybe that’s petty, but I think it just goes back to the “do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

    Post # 15
    Member
    2098 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Neither of the two ladies I am thinking of asking to be bridesmaids have been assholes to me. I wouldn’t ask someone that was rude to me or my Fiance to be in my bridal party.

    The other one I would have never thought twice about, when it’s her turn, I will no longer be in her life due to how she treated me. She is no longer in my life as of right now.

    But I do wish her the best and those that have gone before me, I have been supportive and will continue to be.

     I chose not to be in a close friend’s wedding because her Fiance hit on me the day she told me they were engaged when she was in the bathroom. I didn’t want to deal with it. And she also told us to expect a bachelorette party in another country. I couldn’t afford that…no way.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I chalk up a lot of the (minor) issues I had with my BMs to age – I got married young, and of my 4 BMs only 1 had any idea of what being a Bridesmaid or Best Man entailed support-wise and how big a deal a wedding is to the bride and groom. I will be supportive and helpful when needed, but not super overly involved either, when my BMs’ turn comes.

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