(Closed) When love isn’t enough……

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’ve had this question a few times (FI and I got engaged shortly after we met) and the only thing I told them was that I felt whole with him and could see myself growing old with him and left it at that.  They can take it or leave it. 

You have no responsibility to anyone to justify your relationships for reasons for getting married (in most cases) but if they’re genuinely concerned, I’d sit down with them and (granted, this is if they’re family or close friends) just tell them how you feel about him and that you want to marry him.  If it’s anyone else, tell them to buzz off.

Post # 5
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I always respond with an equally awkward answer… I am a very sacastic person… I respond in ways like “i saw a pretty dress and needed an event to wear it” “because it seemed like the cool thing to do” or my favorite response is “so i can change my facebook status to MARRIED.”…..

Sometimes you truly cant answer that question without saying a cliche remark. If you want to get married its your business only you know who you and you fiance feel about each other…. dont let it bother you. Hey I always get questions because I have a child going into my marriage from a different guy (yes I sound like a Maury episode).

Post # 6
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

You know how you feel. It doenst matter what anyone else thinks, nor is it any of their business!! Im sorry you feel so trapped by these stupid questions, but dont! If you love him and you want to grow old with him stick with that answer, if people dont like it that is their issue.

Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If it’s a serious answer they’re looking for, give them a serious reply.

“I know I’m young and may make mistakes. However, I am more sure of this than anything else. I love him. I want to be with him and we’re both ready to take the next step in our relationship. We are going into this fairly level headed, with consideration to our finances, timeline, education and future career paths.

I know you may have certain concerns and that’s okay. Your feelings matter to us. We understand. It’s true that many couples do separate when married young and it’s true we’ll face many challenges as a married and engaged couple. We understand this fully and believe we’re up for this challenge. I know we can’t dispell all your fears and concerns but we do hope that one day, we will be able to do so. And if it does turn out to be a mistake, we also completely own up to that responsibility. We all make mistakes but in the end, it is what we take away from each that helps us grow as a person

Your support and good wishes mean a lot to us and I hope you can be with us every step of the way in this very exciting time.”

Love isn’t the only component that makes a successful marriage and I’m sure their concerns are legitimate. Since it is a close family member of your Fiance, the burden is on him (and maybe you if they come talk to you) to convince them otherwise. If necessarily, calmly repeat the whole speech again and again until they get it.

If they decide to rant, let them do so until they finish talking. Acknowledge their points and then follow up with your perspective.

Btw, on a personal note, I would deeply recommend finishing school and getting some “me” time before getting married. You might not think you’d need this but some time as a single gal (not too long) is very nice! I’d definitely suggest a long engagement, something I wish I had since it’s less than 3months before mine and there’s so much left to do. /stress. I just turned 27 and want to have kids before or when I’m 30 and also have some “married” w/o kids time. We didn’t get any challenges since we are older, financially secure and emotionally ready. Both sets of parents are super excited (friends/siblings not so much but that’s a whole different story.)  

Post # 8
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This thread is supposed to be why we feel like we should be able to make adult decisions without being criticized? everyone from age 18 to 1000 has the right to make adult decisions whether we’ve had “me” time, gone to school, or whatever.

The best reply I had to anyone asking me why i wanted to get married young. “BECAUSE I WANT TO!” thats why. My husband and I are more mature at 21 and 26 than most couples we know that are in thier 30’s and 40’s and we don’t rely on anyone for financial support or anything else. We didn’t feel the need to give people a big speech about us appreciating thier support or blah, blah, blah… if they don’t like it they can kiss it! Be sure of yourself and don’t let anyone stand in your way if you believe your making the right decisions, which im sure that you are. : )

Post # 9
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

@sydney.selburg im not engaged yet but when i am, which is hopefully soon *crosses fingers*, i am definitely using those responses, probably all at once! 

Post # 10
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@sydney.selburg: LOL I love it. Perfect answers.

Post # 11
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know how you feel. For me, it’s an opportunity to share not only my faith, but the reality that life isn’t always going to be about myself, my dreams, my goals, my plans. When faced with this question, this is how I REALLY want to answer (it’s one of my favorite quotes from a Christian musician):

“Marriage to me means unity, it means strength because I believe that both people can be stronger in their calling because of each other, and I really see that in [mine and my fiance’s] individual lives–that we’re stronger together. 

I believe that marriage is a representation of Christ and the church and when Christ and the church are unified, they are the strongest and most attractive to those that don’t know Jesus and I also think that when husband and wife are united, they are strongest and most attractive to those that don’t know Jesus. We have a real desire to be glorifying to God in our life and our coming marriage.

.I just believe that marriage is a beautiful representation of God’s love for us and that there is such a cherishing that can happen in marriage that is different from any other relationship.” ~Rebecca St. James

That’s my answer 🙂 I think love is more than enough. It’s the one thing that is enough. It’s also the one thing that heals, endures and lasts forever.

Post # 12
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You are getting married, because you are pregnant of course!

I don’t remember being asked this question by friends. Because they took it easy, and probably it was obvious to them why we are getting married (cuz of LOVE)

But…My parents in law seemed to “know” their own truth for sure. I haven’t met my father in-law until 1 day before the wedding, and I met my Mother-In-Law in the past when they visited us for 2 weeks from a different country.

So it seemed obvious for them that we are getting married cuz we accidentally got pregnant. Us silly kids. There could not possibly be other reason for us to get married…I was given strange looks, and they were leading conversation to something like “Do you guys wanna tell us something?” So they were kind of shocked and confused when at the wedding we coldly told them that we are not pregnant by any means and are getting married just because we love each other and want to spend our life together. And actually we are waiting with kids for another couple years. 

Ugh…

Post # 13
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ugh, I hated this.  I went through all sorts of justifying with people on our timing, since I still have to finish up law school and he just did.  Its really tough.  Honestly, if I were you I might just go with “we love eachother and this timing works for us” and leave it at that. No one wanted us to go forward with our timeline and get married this summer  but everything ended up working out perfectly, and everyone got over it and was happy for us. This really is the beginning of you two facing the world together, so have a united front and disregard what other people say, it’ll all work out.

Post # 14
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

I’m so tired of people asking me that question. Most of the people who ask me are divorced, or are just bitter because they are in a loveless marriage. I don’t even answer them. When they see that I’ve changed the subject, they back off.

Post # 15
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I actually went through this before we got engaged. We have been dating for over seven years now and my family members used to imform me that I had to dump him so that I could “test drive other cars” before deciding which one to marry. They are just usually looking out for you but it is rather annoying to try and explain to them that you are happy and you just know that he is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. After about six years of dating they finally gave up and now are fully supportive of our engagement. 🙂 They’ll back off eventually. 

Post # 16
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Everytime I’m asked this I give a different response (always 100% serious).

I’m pregnant, the Lord commands it, why not?, we were bored, I’m after his money, I lost a bet and now I have to marry him, so we can’t testify against each other when we rob the bank etc

It’s nobody’s business but your own why you’re getting married. People need to mind their own darn business.

The topic ‘When love isn’t enough……’ is closed to new replies.

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