(Closed) When love might not be enough….

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Sounds like the vacation might be for him to ask you?  Just an idea.

I’m seeing a red flag with him still living with his parents and not moving in with you.  Perhaps if he does ask you, you should try living together before you get married?  I think people need to live on their own for awhile and I wonder why he is still with his parents.  Can I ask why he still there?  Does he have a job? Does he pay them rent?

I think you need to say something and don’t remain silent.  Ask what his plans are?  You seem non-traditional about a lot of things…are you open to planning this together?

Post # 4
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My personal opinion is that after a year he should know if he wants to be with you or not.  I was with a guy for 4 years who beat around the bush about marriage all of the time when he knew damn well what I wanted.  I finally called it off and me and my Fiance got together 2 months later and were engaged 3 months after that. I have never been happier.  I really think at his age he should know what he wants. Seems that by living with mommy and daddy he is hiding from something, whatever it may be.

Post # 5
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The evening of June 21st (first day of summer ie: spring is now over), sit him down and explain how you feel about the relationship moving forward.  He has several choices for moving to the next level: marriage, engagement, move in, even spending weekends at your place.  For pity’s sake, the man won’t sleep over??  How do you feel when you make love, and he gets up to go home?  I give you serious credit for putting up with this.

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

There are alarms spinning red and making large noises in my living room I swear!  Give him the cut-off date. Let him know you’re serious. I would also mention the, if we get married where will we live? Perhaps, you can determine what is his deal with his parental units, based on his answer. I don’t think this seems like the best relationship for anyone, however if you are happy, you love him, and you can’t see yourself leaving him over this, then it may just be something you have to deal with. You need to decide what’s important to you either request what you want, walk away if you don’t get it, or deal and realize that your relationship may never meet traditional relationship standards.

Post # 7
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Silence on the most important relationship decision you can make is NOT HEALTHY. If you two can’t talk openly and kindly about marriage, it’s probably time to move on. Because the silent hoping and praying he’s going to ask game is a dangerous waste of time and energy. He clearly is comfortable with his current situation. There’s a reason why he’s in his 40s, never married, and still at home. Find someone better for you if he can’t committ to you!

Post # 8
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I would give him until the last day of Spring and if nothing is done at that time, move on. Honestly, I see tons of red flags and I think you are wasting your time however I hope he is doing something about it. Based on what he has said though I would not put all of your eggs in his basket.

Post # 9
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Which is better, leaving the house and having a failed marriage or staying at home?

 

I just think you were a little rough on that part of the situation – he could easily turn that around on you and no evidence he ever has.

 

Post # 10
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Doubtful: I’m going to be brutally honest.  He has never married, still lives with his parents and he is at least 45 years old… this has loser written all over it.  He’s not motivated, and not even you can motivate this guy.

Spring will come and go.  He was telling the truth when he told his friends he isn’t getting married.  He wants to keep you because he gets sex and companionship out of it.  Nothing more.  He doesn’t want to move on.  He’s stuck in one place and he’s keeping you inert as well.

Dump this guy and run, quickly.

Post # 12
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

as harsh as it may have sounded… i am in 100% agreement with Ahone

 

Post # 15
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Doubtful: Sounds like you guys need to have a really long chat, and to reiterate what you said about wanting a solid commitment, I.E. marriage. If he cannot come to terms with that, and doesn’t show signs of caring it’s time to move on. A man his age should honestly know what he wants out of life. If he is constantly joking about never getting married, and telling people not to wait on you two to get married in order to have their weddings, then it is time to find a man who is grown, and wants the same type of relationship you do.  

 

Post # 16
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I agree with the warning bells going offf

– Its hard, but I can maybe understand someone being ok with a forty-something living with his parents with your reasoning.  But it doesn’t make sense that a grown man would feel so uncomfortable spending the evening with his Girlfriend unless his parents are out of town. 

– I don’t get why he would joke about not marrying you.  Does he care more about what his friends think than the fact that he is hurting you by this supposed joking? it seems like he is probably not joking….

-for the amount of time you have been dating – and at your ages – if this man truly felt about you the way you feel about him, he would have proposed without you nagging him into it.  don’t you think he should want to live with you, be with you all the time? If he does, he would have proposed by now.  but he seems oddly ok with this whole live at home/only stay with you when his parents are out of town arrangement….

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