- 8 years ago
Everyone, and I mean everyone, says, but he loves you so much…..so I need outside opinions because my family & friends have clouded vision and I’m beginning to think I might have gone blind along the way 🙂 lol
We are a couple in our mid/ late forties. He’s never been married, no kids, and wait for it – still lives at home with the parents !! Yep you read that right. I, on the other hand, long gone from the nest, married, divorced, no kids. Three years later, and somedays I don’t know how we got this far. He will not sleep over unless the parents are out of town, needless to say, won’t move in, and I’ve psuhed the marraige button only to be met with stone cold silence. In January I softly put my foot down about the matter. He stated, can we wait till spring. I said yes,that’s great, mentioned how perfect it would be to get engaged for our 3rd anniversay and stated what I might like to take place. Well that was what 90 days ago, and “spring” is officially on it’s way into home base where we live and no another word from him on it. Has still not asked me to marry him, has shown zero interest in what type of ring, where, when, how. So I threw it up in conversation very lightly and he comments, thought we were doing this in the spring, I retorted with, well, hard to do “this” in the spring when you’ve not asked and there is no date set. Needless to say, again that comment was met with silence.
As I remain silent on the matter with him, suddenly as the days are passing, I am being gifted with expensive gifts, and now possible an on/ off again covnersation of taking a vacation has come up, but no mention of getting married on the vacation or at all for that matter. My gut is telling me, the gifts, the vacation, it is all a ploy to use as an excuse if I should dare bring up the marriage, as it would be said well, I just spent this / that , I can’t afford a wedding (mind you, my idea of getting married is a J of P) no big deal ring, don’t tell anyone, invite them over for a little party and announce it – pretty much the most el-cheapo way to go would make me happy.
Now, I say again, how I made this far accepting this “dating” relationship is just beyond my own comprehsion but I love him more than anything and therefore it all became tolerable until now, when I want it all, I want him in my life as my husband, my lover, my friend and it’s breaking my heart that he does not appear to be in need of me the same way.
From the start, I stated that I am intersted in a solid, committed relationship, either living together or marraige, I’m not out to “date”, done with that, so I put it up front, but I’ve tolerated, so therefore I’ve allowed this to all happen ! This much I know. At thsi point and time, I have days where I feel I can not go on in this relationship and continue to be made a fool of. He tells his friends he’s never getting married when they push the subject and tells me this explaining how it’s his joke with them and keep them off his back about his personal information, I personally do not find it funny and told him so. Now the other day his words about kicked me in the gut. He was at a friends house who said, well me & so/ so are ready to get married but I told her we can’t until you tie the knot since you two have been together longer and it would be the right thing to do. He told his friend, don’t wait on us, do what you need to do. Now this is what he came over and told me, I was not there to hear this. I said nothing, not one word. Silent I remained.
I so badly want to set a cut off date for this to happen, and I am willing to wait it out through the spring, but if this subject does not even get brought up…..our love might not be enough for me.
Okay ladies, let me have it now……I need some opinions 🙂