Post # 1
Soon my fiancé and I will be meeting with our priest to complete the couple’s inventory, and from what I have been told, basically decide if we are “fit” to be married. We were both raised Catholic and want to get married in our home church with the Priest we had has children. We know the Church’s opinions on matters such as birth control, living together, etc…We have been together for 5 and a half years and have been living together throughout our engagement.
Really the biggest issue is that our childhood priest no longer lives in our town. He recommended that we do our inventory with the Church’s current priest incase something happened and he was unable to marry us–basically keeping the church in the loop. The current priest is very conservative and totally by the book. I have even heard that he recently refused to marry a couple unless they had a mass (he got his way).
We are just wondering what is going to be asked in this first meeting with the priest? We are assuming the worst but would really like to be realistically prepared for what we are about to have to answer.
We are also attending a separate pre-cana day in a couple of weeks and are wondering what that will be like?
If anyone has had similar experiences please share all you can!
Post # 3
I think every situation is different. I was super nervous going into our first meeting with the priest but we didnt even get down and dirty with questions. We went over some things we would learn in pre-cana (which was an amazing experience) and basically just gave us some paperwork, told us all the things we would need to get (baptismal certificates, some forms for our parents to fill out – a parish membership form haha) He gave us our ceremony booklet which was really fun to go through. anyway – i was nervous for nothing. We go back in a week or so to get our FOCCUS test results which at first made me nervous but we went over everything in pre-cana already so we are prepared for whatever he feels he needs to ask us.
Also! My FI’s uncle is a catholic priest and is marrying us – he is out in Tulsa and he also had us do all our meetings and pre-cana at the church we were marrying at.
Overall a great experience all of it! Enjoy
Post # 5
They really can’t refuse to marry you if you don’t want a Mass – Mass is never required so a priest wouldn’t have the right to say no. Maybe it was something else he was making a stink about. And don’t be worried about the survey, it’s a a tool to help you look at your relationship, it’s not designed to weed people out from the sacrament of marriage.
Post # 6
“The current priest is very conservative and totally by the book. I have even heard that he recently refused to marry a couple unless they had a mass (he got his way).”
I strongly doubt that to be true. Such a “demand” would be unfounded theologically and against the requirements of the USCCB. One call to the bishop’s office would have had that resolved quickly. You can force people to not have a Nuptial Mass (if one is not baptized) but you cannot force them to have one.
I think the “I heard…” is the important part. Often we hear things incorrectly. “I want to get married on the beach at sunset.” “I’m sorry we can’t do that. The wedding must be in a church.” suddenly turns into “We were forced to have a Mass!” or “I don’t want to do the readings – just a 3 minute exchange of vows.” “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.” “I was forced into a Mass!” We had a similar incident around here where two divorced people wanted to get remarried (without annulments). The priest told them that they needed to go through the annulment process first. The next day, it was all over town that they were refused marriage because they lived together.
Post # 7
When we met with the priest for the first time, he “interviewed” us seperately. It was fine. He basically just asked us questions like, Have you been married before? Are you pregnant? etc. Nothing scary. We live together too, and they didn’t ask us about that. Then he gave us a sheet with all the paperwork we needed to get. It was pretty painless. As for pre cana we did that in our diocese with several other couples. We enjoyed it. Just got us talking about things we hadn’t really discussed. Some people get really preachy instructors, but we didn’t have that experience.
Post # 8
We are getting married in a methodist church. The pastor was really friendly and laid back. He actually came out and asked us if we were having sex. We said yes and he talked to us about how that’s not what God wants of us. He gave us a piece of paper to sign w/ 3 things on it. One of them was that we would remain sexually pure until our wedding day. He said if we couldn’t sign it, he would still “love us”… not sure if that meant he would still marry us… but we have decided we still want to get married there, b/c obviously our relationship isn’t just based on sex.. we’re not animals, ha. But I def was not expecting that question and I thought it was weird he wanted us to sign it! We have been going to church regulary and paid the deposit, but haven’t turned the sheet back in – not b/c we don’t want to sign it just that it hasn’t come up
Post # 9
Every experience is different. I didn’t think I’d be able to even have a Catholic ceremony b/c the first priest I worked with was just ridiculous plain and simple. He tried to convince me to change my entire wedding around including the state it was located in and then when I tried to switch priests he told his parish secretary not to send the papers to the other parish I wanted to be a part of. It was a nightmare. Luckily we found a loophole that said I could be a parish member at the church I have always attended (there was an issue with my address, long story). When we finally met with the priest we were going to be working with for the pre-cana I was terrified, but it was AWESOME! He was funny, informative, and very supportive of everything. He really didn’t ask much, told us to take the focus but that even if we disagreed on everything it was meant as a tool for discussion not to tell us we shouldn’t get married. He made a terrible situation absolutely wonderful. Good Luck!