(Closed) When Mom & Dad disagree about # of babies to have

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it’s fair for people to trick their spouses into having babies. There are so many people I know who had accidental babies that were not accidental on one person’s part and it bugs me. I don’t think that, in a partnership, one person should dictate something as important as having children, and I especially don’t think that bringing a child into the world decietfully is a good way to keep a relationship healthy.

If one party really wants more kids than the other, they should be able to plead their case, so to say, but if it doesn’t work, what more can you do than accept it for what it is? Especially if there was an agreed upon number of children planned.

My Fiance has a son that was born when he was around 20, and he has always suspected the ‘birth control failure’ wasn’t exactly a failure, and I know that has seriously coloured his perception of his son’s mother, ever since. It’s a good way to totally mess up your spouse’s trust in you.

Post # 4
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

That is so wrong for her to have tricked him into another child. Very, very wrong. And quite frankly, this isn’t a surprise to her that he didn’t want a house full of children – he wanted one, she wanted two. She got two, and his mind hasn’t changed. She gets pregant with a third by the same tactics – I predict the end of the marriage. She is being completely disrespectful of her husband.

Of course there is always room for negotiation, but it doesn’t sound like she negotiated or he changed his mind. She just went off BC and got pregnant.

Post # 5
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think that’s terrible. Children are forever and if one half of the equation is not comfortable adding the responsibility of another mouth to feed then the other half has to understand that. Its fine to discuss it and try to come to a compromise but to manipulate the situation is dirty. 

I kind of have a feeling that this is the road by Brother-In-Law & SIL are going to go down. Their daughter is 5 months old and it wouldn’t surprise me if my SIL is already thinking about #2. She made a comment about stocking up on formula while they’re able to get a discount on it to save for their next kid. Now I’m not entirely sure but I would imagine that formula does not have a shelf life of numerous years (could be wrong). My Brother-In-Law loves his daughter but he did NOT want to have a baby right now. She did though, so it happened. The last 5 months have been anything but easy and to be completely honest, adding another baby to their family would be very irresponsible. I don’t know if my SIL even see’s that though.

Darling Husband and I disagree when it comes to the number of kids we want (I want 1, he wants 2) but we’ve both agreed to see how we fare with the first and then decide if we want to go through that hell again, lol. After he see’s just how much work it is, I think he’ll come over to my “only child” side. I joke that until he’s able to “crap out a human”, he doesn’t get a say in how many my body produces. Of course I’m kidding (mostly) but when the woman wants less than the man does, I do think that her decision should ultimately trump his if a compromise cannot be made. 

Post # 6
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If she intentionally didnt take her pills then thats not really fair to the guy. Cant they talk things through and come to an honest compromise? Besides in her situation she seems to have already gotten her way by having a 2nd baby. I think pushing for a 3rd will be a bit too much

Post # 7
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, I can’t believe people who do this to their spouses!!  Being deceitful is wrong… she would be upset if he were lying about something major (i.e. cheating), but how is it okay for her to lie about taking birth control??  This type of lie is a biggie, and I hope she realizes that she’s putting her desire for another child over the health of her marriage.  Does she desire to be a single mom?  Sorry, it just angers me when I hear other women talk like this at work, too.

Post # 8
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yikes. She needs to step back and realize that this could ruin her relationship with her husband. It really disturbs me when people are so cavalier about just going ahead and making major life decisions without consulting their spouse. This is a marriage, not Baby-Maker and Sidekick. Faking a whoops baby is like racking up debt behind your spouse’s back or deciding to put your house on the market without telling them, only worse. This is a human life she’s toying with and she’s acting like it’s some little secret game like those Facebook breast cancer awareness statuses.

Post # 9
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yikes! Thats terrible. I would advise her to let it go. She already got her way.

Post # 11
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@eeniebeans: Haha, well that does make it much better. But still. A child is a lifelong commitment. He’s clearly out of his comfort zone already–though I’m sure he loves his sons–adding more children when one partner emphatically does not want them is just poor parenting.

Post # 12
44 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know somehow who “accidentally” had a 3rd, even while her husband’s job was shakey and he was really stressed about it, and she was a stay at home mom. He did NOT want a 3rd, she did, and whoops! 

My husband and I actually had a discussion the other day, which do we think is more deceitful– cheating, or purposely getting pregnant “by accident”? I really thinking tricking someone into a baby is one of the worst breaches of trust that you can do. Sounds like your friend needs to really calm down. Has she always been like this, or could post baby hormones be acting up? I mean, there should always be room for discussion, but I feel like when there is a disagreement, probably the lower number should stand, you know? H wants 1 or 2, I want 2 or 3, so right now, the plan is 2. 

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