(Closed) When one of you is unemployed and the other hates your job…

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Not sure I have much advice for you, but I sympethise.  FH brings home just enough to pay the bills on his income alone, but he hates his job, too.  He’s been looking for a job in his field of study since before he graduated last spring, but the market is terrible.  I think his only saving grace right now is the fact that he’s starting to get to use his expertise at the office, but its not his official job title and the oportunities are slim.  I’m working too, but I don’t make enough to support us, just enough to go from “just paying bills” to “comfortable”.  We don’t like where we live and we’re hoping to move as soon as the lease is up, but we’re hessitant to buy a house because we want to stay mobile, to keep the pool of potential jobs as wide-spread as possible.  I like what I’m doing, but I’d be happy to sacrifice it if it means FH gets a job that makes him happy.

Have either of you moved the job search out to this cheaper area?  Personally, I wouldn’t find it irresponcible for a newlywed couple to uproot and move somewhere new.  Nothing says you have to stay in the same place forever!  Better to try it now than later when you might also be up-rooting kids.

Post # 4
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It really depends.  What is your current location, and what are your industries?  If you are living in NY, working in the medical field and want to move to say Chicago or LA, that is one thing. If you live in a smaller market like D.C. and want to move to Iowa, be very careful that the job market there isn’t worse.  We moved out of LA, but where we moved to has a HORRIBLE job market. It didn’t matter to use because we ran our own business and we could bring our own employment and work from home. But once I needed to get a job when the economy tanked it was very tough.  I took a part time position and ended up going back to school, and it was several years of networking and establishing ties to the community before I was able to land a real job out of school.  And I have a B.A., and M.A. and over ten years of work experience.  Especially in smaller markets, and even in larger ones, people tend to hire through professional networks and referrals not random craigslist or monster ads, so moving to a new place means it can be hard to break in.   

It could be that a move to another area would work really well for you.  I would suggest applying to jobs in the other area, getting a google voice number that is local area code, and leaving your address off your resume or asking a friend that lives there to use their address.  See if you can get a job offer first, then move.   

Finally, make sure where you are moving is actually cheaper.  A friend moved to Arizona because it would be cheaper than LA.  What she found was that her auto insurance and food, etc. were the same, and the only savings were about 300 a month on rent.  She also had to pay an outrageous amount on utilities and ended up basically breaking even living in a place she didn’t like as much.  My sister had the same experience moving to the middle of nowhere, where rent was cheap, heating astronomical, and gas for her car and the fact she had to drive so far to get even basic groceries ended up costing her a ton. Sometimes it really is cheaper, but don’t just move because of cost savings. Ask yourself if you would actually want to live there if the cost were the same, or if you really would have better job prospects.  Where Darling Husband and I live now we have the trade off that my career while still fullfilling would not be the same as if I were willing to relocate to certain cities, but we love our community, can see raising kids here, are close to family, love the weather etc. Everything is about trade offs. 

Post # 5
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We went through this when we first moved in together… then eventually he finally found work and we BOTH hated our jobs!

So we quit and moved to South Korea to be English teachers.

Not sure our solution would work for you, but if it seems like something you’re interested in, let me know. (It’s awesome. The pros outweigh the cons by a zillion.)

Post # 6
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@vlbee:  I wish I had advice, but all I can say is…I feel your pain. My hubs got laid off 2mo after the wedding and I don’t make enough for us to live on, we’re barely making it and it’s crazy stressful. I’m exhausted and depressed over the whole situation, but trying to stay strong. I hope things get better for you soon, it sucks to start a marriage like this, but hey, “for better or for worse” right? <3

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