Post # 1
I know we all get grumpy about others getting engaged. Especially when said others have been together for less time than us and our SOs. So my question is this: How long does a couple have to be dating before you can actually be happy for them when they get engaged?
I’ve been with my SO for two years next month and I’m perfectly willing to be happy for any engaged couples that have been together for at least a year. Anything less than that and I’m pretty sure I have noticeable twitch when congratulating them.
Post # 3
Haha, good question! I’d probably say at least two years. You should add a poll!
Post # 4
I think that it will differ for everyone… I was with my SO almost 7 1/2 years before we married…
In Utah (where I am from) people get married after dating for 3 months…. so I am usually happy if they are a part of that culture and they wait a year at LEAST.
But if they are not a part of the culture here I think maybe 2 years at least is when I will be super happy for them.
Post # 5
@NoOneYouExpect: I guess I have a wait and see type attitude if the couple hasn’t even been together for a year.
If it’s anything over a year then I am happy for them.
Post # 6
I like the OP’s timeline of a year. You can get to know someone pretty darn well in a year. Most of the dealbreakers are out of the way, anyway.
Post # 7
I agree with the year timeline…
my friend is living with her bf and already engaged for over a month, and they’ve been together for less time than SO and I (for us it’s almost a year). I wanted to spit daggers when I found out she was engaged, but I pretended to be happy. Ok, I am happy, but i really was jealous 🙁 I do think they moved way too fast. I mean, heck, we aren’t even living together yet!
Post # 8
I think being happy for someone is different than being sure it will work out. Weather I was confident of their relationship or not, I would be happy for them no matter what the timeline was 🙂
Post # 9
I’ve been with my SO for 5 months and there is engagement talk, and it wil probably happen in the next two months. However we’ve been best friends for 4 years and were roommates for 1.5 years, so we know each other on a very deep level. I think it fully depends on the couple. With us, I know he’s supposed to be my life partner. No doubt in my mind. I would hope my friends and family would be happy for us, but I expect there to be a few people with doubts. In the end, it’s just us that really matter. When you know you know.
Post # 10
I’m happy for anyone. I may think it a bit odd (or a mistake) to have been dating for less than a year before getting engaged, but I can be happy.
I don’t think the length of time someone has been dating equates to the quality of that relationship. I also don’t think that it’s a negative thing for someone to have been dating less time than me and my SO and then get engaged. Each to their own.
Post # 11
@Miss Orchard: My thoughts exactly.
I didn’t vote on the poll because I will always be happy for anyone who is a great relationship and they get engaged regardless of how long they’ve been dating for.
I know of two couples who have gotten engaged this year who have been dating for a shorter period of time than my SO and I. A close girlfriend B and her fiance K got engaged after four months of dating – however, they are both in their 30s, were living together by then and are now looking for a house to purchase together. The SO’s stepsister N and her fiance M got engaged six months into their relationship and like B and K, were already living together and are now expecting their first child. And I’m very happy for both of them and I’m rather excited to be a bridesmaid at B’s wedding
Yes, they’ve both been together for a shorter period of time than us but the dynamics of their respective relationships and where they are in their lives are quite different from where the SO and I are in our relationship and lives
Post # 12
I think there should be a “happy no matter what” option. Sometimes people just know, and when I can tell that they do, and they have their crap together, there’s really no good reason to wait unless they just want to.
Post # 13
Similar to PPs who said there should be a “happy no matter what” option, I think there should be a “it depends on the couple” option. Like @EffieTrinket: said, sometimes people just know and a lot of times it’s very obvious to others, too, that the couple is meant to be together. One of my sisters got engaged after 6 months and I was thrilled for her because it was so clear that she’d met “the one.” You could just tell. But I have friends who have gotten engaged after being with their SOs for 5+ years and I haven’t been as happy about it because their relationships aren’t as good or don’t seem as solid or happy or compatible. And there have been relatives/friends who have gotten engaged anywhere within that range (6 months to many years) and I’ve been happy for some and not for others.
That said, I guess I’m glad my Fiance waited 1 year and 1 week, as it seems that’s just long enough for people to be happy for us!
Post # 14
I think it depends on the age of the couple. Are they 17 and dating for 6 months? Or 35? At my stage of life (early twenties), I think I would be happy for any friend who got engaged (if I knew they had clearly asked all the important questions), but for me at this stage I think anything less than 2 years together is rushing it, but that’s just me. Then again, I’m still waiting at 5 years, so what am I do say haha
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood
In one of my family studies classes I learned that you should be with someone for 8 seasons before getting engaged. Something about that’s how long, on average, it takes for you to really be yourself. I don’t know how much I buy into that but meh. I chose two years because I always think about that when people tell me they’re getting engaged and it hasn’t been two years yet.
Post # 16
It truly depends on the couple. Me and my guy will have been together around 8 months when we get engaged, but almost 2 years when we get married. We knew early on that we were each other’s “One,” and my parents and his parents knew it as well when they saw us interact. Like someone said above, when you know, you know.
However, I’ve seen couples that have been together for a very long time, and it was obvious that they shouldn’t be together but didn’t want to be alone so they got engaged. I wasn’t “happy” about it but whatever. I’ve seen couples that haven’t been together long be completely wrong for each other, too.
When I see a couple that can’t get enough of each other, adore each other, and have a good head on their shoulders, that’s when I get excited. You know when you see a couple that’s meant to be —-regardless of the time they’ve been together.