Post # 1
So I know that there have been posts on this topic before, but this is the first time it’s happened to me so I just really need to get it off my chest.
First of all, my friends and family have been nothing but supportive of our decision to have a long engagement. Sometimes I get a little bummed out when I think about how far away it is, but it was a smart move for us. Plus, I love that our wedding date is our dating anniversary and I really like that we get first pick on vendors!
This morning one of my co-workers asked me when Fiance and I were getting married. I told her June 2012. Her response was “Wow, why are you waiting so long?” (Uhm, okay none of your business, but I get it.. it IS a long engagement.) I told her about saving money and more importantly that we are planning long distance. We have to schedule weekends to visit vendors and can’t just go on a random Tuesday night like other couples might be able to. (Everyone I’ve said this to has totally accepted that answer and move on to something else. Not this lady though, she’s a real treat.) Her response was, “I really don’t believe in long engagements. I don’t understand why people wait so long. I mean, I got married less than a year after my engagement and even that was too long for me.” (Oh yea, FWIW… she’s divorced. This is not a slight against short engagements AT ALL, more of a slight against why on earth are you lecturing me about my engagement when your own damn marriage didn’t work out?!)
This woman is known for a being a bit of a… witch, so I really just need to let it slide off my back, but geezum. I guess it was just unexpected. Why are people so rude? It’s none of your business and I really don’t care what you think about my engagement. And I am pretty sure that if I told her we were getting married in 4 months she would have had something unpleasant to say about that too.
Anyone else feel like complaining about the rude things people have said about your engagement – long, short or otherwise? My misery is dying for some company today, I think it’ll make me feel better. 😉
Post # 3
WOW! She does sound like a treat. Lucky for you, it doesn’t matter whether or not she believes in long engagements. What’s to believe in? Your engagement isn’t Santa Claus. lol How rude!
Post # 4
I think there are always those type of people who will always have something negative to say. Fiance and I met in June 2009 moved into gether in September of the same year. Ya it was fast. Then engaged in February 2010 and are getting married in 3 weeks. People that don’t know us are like “wow that was fast”. The people who do never say a negative word about it. Some things are right for different people for different reasons. I say screw em! LOL
Post # 5
@Miss Beach: Hahah that’s what I thought too… You don’t “believe in them”?? Well believe baby… it’s happening!
@mwitter80: And I say YOU GO GIRL!!! Only you can know what’s right for you and your Fiance…. you’re right, screw ’em!
Post # 6
By the time I get married I’ll have been engaged for over a year. I only had one person say anything about it. I let that person know that if they wanted to pay for everything I would be more than happy to move the date up to the following month but that I’d need the cash up front. Bitchy on my part, but it shut her up.
Post # 7
i wouldn’t look too much into her. you and your Fiance know what is right for you.
Post # 8
It’s so frustrating when people offer their opinion about something pertaining to your situation when you never asked for it. I find that those people are generally unhappy with their life as a whole! There was no reason why she needed to drone on about why she doesn’t believe in long engagements. Fine…great, good for you…don’t believe in long engagements, but don’t tell someone who is having a long engagement that you don’t believe in them. B/c guess what? They aren’t going to care!
I say more power to you! My younger brother is having a long engagement mainly b/c they want to have their wedding at a particularly pricey venue and want to pay for the majority of it themselves. So, they’re saving like crazy, and they’re going to have the wedding that they want, when they want and where they want. So good for you for doing the same!!!
Post # 9
Yeah, I’d be irritated too. But just keep in mind everyone is different and what works for them isn’t necessarily what will work for you. Be confident in your decision and answer confidently. Half the time I think these rude comments are just to make someone uncomfortable and see how they’ll react so don’t let her make you answer awkwardly, that might be what she’s after, some sort of superiority trip, but the other half of the time I think it’s just verbal diahrrea that people have.
Post # 10
Ugh… people can be so annoying. I just wanted to chime in because I’m looking at venues now and loads of places where we’re looking (as in, the majority of places..) are completely or mostly booked for Saturdays in 2011. Yes, I could keep looking for places that are available, and yes I could have my wedding on a different day of the week. But this isn’t a race and I’d much rather be happy with the location and the vendors then just rush to get married. So maybe it will be 2011 or maybe 2012- but it’s not random people’s business why you’re making the choices you make.
Post # 11
People think that because we have been engaged so long and haven’t had the wedding that we’re “unsure of the relationship and that it’s what we both want.”
Post # 12
We were engaged for 10 years. We used to have people ask how many kids we were going to have before taking it to the altar. For the record, we had 3!
Post # 13
@TinyTina: Omg! I seriously have almost the same story as you. I got engaged in October 2009 and will be married on July 9, 2011, which is also the dating anniversary of my fiance and I, and why we wanted that date. We both wanted a longer engagement so we could have more time to plan for the wedding, and also we wanted a summer wedding and July 2010 seemed like it would not be enough time. Most people I talked to completely understood this, and we have many friends that have had longer engagements for similar reasons. Well, when I told an old coworker of mine about when I was planning to get married, she was like “Why? That’s too long! I only planned my wedding in 9 months?” I was really caught off guard by her comment and thought it was so rude. Like that’s nice she could plan a wedding in 9 months, but neither my fiance and I wanted to!
Anyways, I feel like you never win with people either way. If you had a 6 month engagement, some people would have something snarky to say, and if you have a 2 year engagement, people will have something annoying to say about that too. What matters is doing what works for you and Fiance. I think your plan sounds great and I think it’s super cute that you are getting married on your dating anniversary too!
Post # 14
When people tell me that or say something nasty about our long engagemen I just tell them I want it perfect and perfection takes time. Plus we are broke and the longer the easier it is for us to pay =D but people dont need to know that
Post # 15
I feel that long engagements are more and more common now. And how fun is it to be engaged for an extra length of time? You only get to have a fiance once!. My engagment will be 1.5 years
Post # 16
It’s the “I don’t BELIEVE in long engagements” which is sort of tantamount to saying “I dont BELIEVE in YOU.” Annoying.
You know her, I don’t, but I don’t think she was going out of her way to insult you. Some people are just bad conversationalists.
Either way, I think having a long engagement is AWESOME. You get all that time to show off your ring and have people get all excited that you’re engaged. Engagement=”Wow, congratulations!” Married=”Oh. You’re married.” Have FUN and relish the time!