(Closed) When people are mean about your long engagement…..

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Well tell your misery I’m here! πŸ™‚ We just got engaged about a month ago, but our date is March 31, 2012…. I get the “WOW, and you’ve already been together so long!” thing… I’m like yeah, thanks?It’s almost like “WOW he must be reallllly unsure about you!”

I mean, it really is nobody’s business (especially a co-worker!) and it IS rude, but you’re right. Just have to let it go. Sometimes I can get a little snarky in my responses, but hey… πŸ™‚

My favorite to date is when a basic stranger said something along the “WOW that is forever, why is HE MAKING YOU WAIT so long?” Really? No one is MAKING anyone wait. It was a choice. But thanks for your concern. πŸ˜‰ 

And really, neither mine nor your engagement’s are that long.

Post # 18
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I got engaged November 2007 and got married April 2010.  I did get quite a few comments, especially from my one coworker.  She always said, “Why are you waiting so long to get married?  He might change his mind.”

Seriously?

I just laughed it off and said that we had plans before we got married. 

So now, her son is getting married and she’s footing a considerable amount of the bill for his wedding and she’s stressing out.  Now she’s telling me that my mom is so lucky that my fiance and I payed for our own wedding, we didn’t incur any debts from it, we bought a house before getting married, traveled, blah blah… Oh well, we waited! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Don’t mind those naysayers.  Whatever rocks your boat, honey πŸ™‚ 

Post # 19
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s way better than this exchange:

“So when are you getting married?”

“This July.”

“Wow, why so soon?  Are you pregnant??”

“You seriously need to put a filter between your brain and your mouth…”

Post # 20
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Some people just lack tact…I’m sorry you had to deal with such a snarky woman:( I think it’s great that y’all are having the engagement that makes sense for you as a couple. I’m not engaged yet, but people go between asking why my boyfriend and I aren’t engaged yet (we’ve been together for over 4 years), and telling me that I’m too young to even think of getting married (I’m 22)…even though we have both graduated college. Both things sort of bother me, but I know that at the end of the day, it’s my life and I can do with it whatever I want. The people who know me the best will always support me. It’s great that you have that too! And I love that you get to keep your anniversary…I really want to, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. Yay for you!

Post # 21
Member
3448 posts
Sugar bee

We’ve had the same sort of reaction. It drives me nuts! We’ll be engaged over 4 years when we get married…basically (sorry to be so blunt) i tell people to go F*** themselves, because it’s none of there GD business when we chose to wait so long to get married…

 

p.s. sorry if that offended anyone, I just get a bit irrate about the subject.

Post # 22
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

I’m at the tail end of a two year engagement, I had friends get proposed to after me and get married before me, and seeing them go through that rush just spurred me on. If I could go back and do a shorter engagement, I wouldn’t! Having all the time I had allowed me to refine my ideas into what I wanted rather than what the industry coming at you from all angles wants, it gives you time to suss out everything, get first pick of everything, and save soooo much more!

Plus, it feels like such a lovely path to be on, you are only engaged once so why not enjoy it for as long as possible? It’s such a lovely romantic time. 

Post # 23
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am the first and only person in my ENTIRE family to have a long engagement, and not everyone has been all that supportive. My immediate family is perfectly fine, and they understand it, but others have told me there’s no point in me even being engaged if I planned on having such a long engagement.

I really don’t let it bother me. I know why we’re doing it, and that’s all that matters.

I’ve learned that people are always going to have something to say, your engagement is too long and, in my case, you’re too young. I just let it slide.

Post # 24
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Tell her not to worry about the date because she’s not invited anyway!

I am definitely guilty of asking why people are waiting so long, but more as a way of asking the significance of the year–generally I’m curious as to who is graduating from what [or whatever] that makes it convenient.  I like hearing about people’s future plans.  I usually follow up with “It’s a long time, but you’ll probably be glad you waited until [a month after the bar exam / your evil step-grandmother dies / you can afford what you want / whatever].”  I’m nosy, but encouraging.

Post # 25
Member
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I haven’t had any particularly rude questions *yet, knock on wood*, but some people do seem less excited when they hear that the wedding is in March of 2012, not this March. It’s like there’s an excitement limit of a year…if it’s not within a year, it’s not worth getting all atwitter about. So hopefully once we’re past this March, I can have those excited conversations with people.

And P.S., good for you for not being snarky to the co-worker! I’m sure that was quite frustrating. 

Post # 26
Member
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@TinyTina: That lady sounds like such a joy to work with πŸ˜‰ haha.

We’ll have been engaged just over 2 years when we *finally* get married. Like you two, it made more sense for us to wait – there were certain medical issues that came up and then we decided to save up more money and get more of what we wanted (vendors, details, etc.). We haven’t received many snarky comments, because most people agree with our reasoning, but it feels like a lot of people have actually forgotten that we’re engaged and wedding planning, etc.

A few of our other couple-friends got engaged a few months ago (about a month apart from one another) and it’s like the whole wedding world revolves around them momentarily because our engagement is “old news” at this point. Neither couple has directly said that, so don’t get me wrong, but it is frustrating because we’ve been engaged/waiting for a long time and I think they forget that yes, we have wedding plans also. It gets annoying at times, but it’s NBD when it comes down to it. We’ll have our special day – finally! – and it will be the happiest, most exciting day ever! I can’t wait!

Post # 27
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Don’t worry about all of those negative people- I am SO glad that I’ve had a long engagement! We’re going to ahev been engaged, and are also getting married on one of our date-iversaries. I’ve really been able to enjoy being engaged, and being a fiancee (such a passing time in your life)- fiancee is a short time, married is forever! Also, now that it’s been so long, I feel as though I’m really ready to graduate to wife- not that I wasn’t before, when we were first engaged, but now I feel as though I’ve fully enjoyed my time and I’m ready to move on πŸ™‚

Post # 28
Member
11369 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

One thing I’ve learned from being on the planet for a lot of years is that no matter what you do, somebody is going to have a problem with it.

The sooner you learn to let that stuff roll off your back & not put valuable energy & time into analyzing stupid comments the happier you will be.

Post # 29
Member
4160 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I too have a long engagement.  Many friends have gotten engaged and married in between us getting engaged and married!  Altogether it will be a 27 month engagement.  But I’ve been giving the same responses to everyone who rudely asks, “why the wait?” 

Well – Fiance and I do not want to go into debt paying for our wedding.  We just purchased our 2nd home last year and while we COULD have had a wedding on loans and help from our families, we decided to pay for it all ourselves.  We can’t just pull $20,000 out of our asses!

I’ve been working several side jobs to pay for my share of the wedding.  I think it puts things into perspective for us.  We know we worked hard to pay for it and it will be nice going into marriage debt free. 

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