(Closed) When people ask if they are invited to your wedding….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do when someone I dont want to invite asks if they are invited to the wedding?
    Just be honest and say no : (49 votes)
    53 %
    Make some excuse : (34 votes)
    37 %
    Say yes and just invite them : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Other : (8 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    “We haven’t had a chance to sit down and finalize the guest list yet. We do want to have a small, intimate wedding, so it will mostly be limited to family.”

    Post # 4
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Since your wedding is so far away I’d just say something like “We haven’t even had time to think about our guest list yet! But I know it’s going to be hard to narrow it down to fit in our venue/budget/etc.” Just keep it vague and offer a loose reason as to why they may end up not being invited. Definitely don’t just invite them because they ask! It’s your day and the people you love most and are closest to should be there, no one else!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    be honest, but polite in telling them no. Unless you haven’t completely finalized your guest list, then say you haven’t finalized guest list, and if they ask later after you have then be honest. If the reason is due to budget then just tell them you want an intimate wedding with just very close friends and family.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9142 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Be polite and use the words “small intimate wedding” unless you’re having a big wedding and then use words like “so many friends and family we unfortunately can’t include everyone.”  I would definitely make sure to sound like they’re not going to get an invitation but I don’t know that I would flat out say no.

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @amwoods:  Agreed. Why would people ask for a 2013 wedding anyways?

    Post # 8
    Member
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Im having the same issue.  Our wedding will be only close friends and family which happens to be around 180ppl.  Because of this we cant invite EVERYONE.  Lately I have just been saying we havent gotten to the guest list yet but when the day approaches Im just going to be honest and say we didnt have space.

    Post # 9
    Member
    414 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I change the subject very blatently.

    Post # 10
    Member
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I would try to avoid it or say we don’t know, how awkward!! I’d never ask someone that. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9483 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I tell them it’s a family affair and I really wish I was able to invite everyone, but money is tight.  A lot of people have been understanding.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I also had that happen to me with the people I work with. It’s very awkward because I don’t want to have bad vibes if I tell them they can’t come, but what can you do? I agree with everyone else, just say your having an intimate wedding or the budget just doesn’t allow you to invite everyone you wish could come. Whatever you do, don’t try to make it up by inviting them to something like the bridal shower but not the wedding. That just seems like you’re wanting their present instead of their presence. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    People who felt close enough to ask about their invitation to our wedding were people who we already planned on inviting. We had an invite list of around 190 and a showing of 160. I didn’t have anyone who wasn’t invited say to me that they thought they should have been. I guess if we had a small wedding of less than 100 that we would have run into this issue, but having all of our loved oned there was a priority for us.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I just tell them it’s going to be a smaller wedding and mostly family. It won’t be SMALL… but it’s smaller than most people I know.

    Post # 15
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It is very poor etiqutte to ask for an invitation to any event, let alone a wedding. It would be kind of you to allow the people who do this an opportunity to save face, but you need three or four ready-made statements; something that sounds genuine coming from you.

    Since it is early, the “we have not had a chance to prepare a guest list yet” will work fine. As the wedding gets closer, you’ll need to change your response to something like “I’d love to invite everyone, but we just can’t…” and then change the subject.

    If your friend/co-worker doesn’t get the hint, you may need to say at some point “I’m so happy that you want to attend, but the invitations have been sent out and we made a conscious decision to keep the wedding small/limited to mostly family members” or something along those lines.

    You are not responsible for hurt feelings, but it is always a good policy to be as gentle as you can with this very dicey situation.

    I’m in the same boat, so I understand completely!

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I’ve had people do this. We’re in law school, so everyone at school seems to think our wedding sounds like a neat social event they should all be invited to. I tell them that we limited law school invites to 10 people, and you’ll know if you’re one of the 10 later. Ha!

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