(Closed) when people hate on your "traditional" wedding

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

Urgh 🙁 i am very sorry you’re dealing with this! Why do weddings make people so crazy?! (it’s not just the bride and groom!!) I have a very “to each their own view” on many things, including weddings. It doesn’t matter to me what other people do, if I love them and am invited, I’ll do my best to go along with it and support their traditional OR untraditional choices. I hope your friends come around and leave it alone. Sometimes being very blunt works… next time they say something offensive just reply with.. “Wow. I respect your opinions, but that hurt. Why would you say something like that?” Maybe that will snap them to attention that they aren’t helping in any way, they are just being hurtful.

Post # 4
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Stace126:  I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!  Your friends should be supportive, not hating on every decision you make!

I feel like my fiance and I are pretty nontraditional in a lot of ways, and I think our wedding will reflect this (though we will have some “traditional” things as well, I’m sure).  I’m bracing myself for the negative comments I know I’ll probably receive from some people as the wedding planning gets more involved.  It’s sad, but there’s always going to be someone who feels their way of doing things is so much better than the way you do it … And they’re not afraid to let you know exactly how they feel!

It can be difficult to say something to a friend, but I think in this case you guys are going to have to.  I don’t think anyone deserves to sit there while someone insults them!  I hope you’re able to just say something like, “I know we’re not doing things the way you guys would, but this is what we want.  We’d both love it if you could just support us in our choices.”  If you’re like me and prefer to avoid messy confrontations, this might be the way to go.  If you’re a very blunt person, though, I’d try something like what the previous poster said.

I hope your friends come around.  Wedding planning is stressful enough without worrying about things like this.

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I guess if it were me I’d say “Hey, last time I checked you were planning an equally traditional wedding. If you decided to cancel because of money that is your business, it has nothing to do with our choices, thanks.”

Post # 6
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

that’s really annoying.  i have nothing to contribute other than i have had the same responses and it pisses me off equally.  i’m a pretty traditional/old-school person, i don’t know why it surprises people that i want my wedding to be that way also.

yes, “i’m giving into the institution” and i don’t care if “you don’t have to get married to have kids”.  last time i checked “feminists” were all about letting women CHOOSE what they want and if you label yourself as forward-thinking and liberal, there should be no anti-wedding pressure either.

ugh.  there’s my rant on the subject.  

Post # 7
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Stace126: “What am I supposed to say?” You said it yourself. If they are friends, then you should be able to express your feelings to them calmly and be respected for doing so. Tell them, “Their comments are getting borderline offensive. Everybody has different ways of doing things. Please stop making comments that make us feel judged for choosing to marry as we do.” The end. Alternatively, stop spending so much time with them.

Post # 8
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I second that weddings make people crazy.

 

I had a friend, an old friend (who I actually never liked), but who had moved to my state recently and we began hanging out often and started to get close.  I was >this< close to asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

She was bugging me forever to do a crafty night to work on wedding stuff.  So I put one together.  She came over and just fiddled with stuff on the floor, middle of the girly movie she took a call on my front porch and got into a screaming match with her boyfriend.  She came back in still in a bad mood but insisting everything was fine.  She said on numerous occassions she didn’t care about our wedding at all…and finally I snapped and asked, “well then why are we paying for you to stay at an inn for 2 nights in CA.  How bout you stay at a motel 6.”  She says, I don’t care. 

Needless to stay, we distanced ourselves from her.  She was invited to our e-party and RSVP’d yes but didn’t show so we’re letting that friendship go by the wayside.

I would have done anything to support her.  But the wedding made her crazy and push us away and be mean.  Maybe she’ll tone it down next year and we can try again 🙂

Post # 9
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

They are haters! Seems like they’re 1 uppers. They saw that you guys were going to get married and all of a sudden they decide to, probably only to try out do you guys. Because it seems to me they think their way of living is the best way and everyone should live like they do. It just makes them look dumb.

Post # 10
Member
6210 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I would probably go broken record on this one “sorry, we can’t go, and we are happy with the wedding we are planning”

Post # 11
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I can relate because some people are hating on our vision for our wedding since Fiance and I are pretty non-traditional (but we’ll be including traditional elements). We’re having an Edgar Allan Poe/Raven themed wedding and most of our family and friends have been supportive, but we’ve had a few snarky comments like ‘So, you’re having a goth wedding?’ and ‘Do I need to get a tattoo to be allowed in?’ (I have a chest piece and I feel like this was a stab at my ink and my taste in general) and ‘If I were you, I’d add more color.’ (Our colors are black and ivory). Not to mention the person that told me I should lose weight before the wedding…

People are always going to have their opinions. You just need to politely decline their offer and say that you’re going ahead with your plans. They get their wedding and you get yours.

Post # 12
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@futuremrsndl:  Too bad you guys can’t have your wedding here in Richmond! The Edgar Allen Poe museum, his childhood home, is here and it’s available as a venue. Your colors sound very elegant, in my opinion.

Post # 13
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@JoolyBee: I know, that would be amazing.

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