Post # 1
I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or more of a space to vent but this problem has started to really upset me. Obviously people interrupt each other a fair amount during conversations, it’s a normal occurrence but some people do it so much that it can become problematic.
Being cut off or misunderstood again and again is really frustrating for me especially if it’s a sensitive subject. It’s like you can’t get through to the person because they’re not listening. Or worse, they assume they know what you’re about to say but get the facts completely wrong 🙁 a loved one does this all the time and I’ve made them aware of it but there hasn’t been much progress. What can I do to help this situation? It’s affecting our relationship and puts me off talking to them…
Post # 2
I’ve definitely called people out for interrupting me – some people don’t even know they’re doing it. Nothing rude, just “please let me finish what I’m trying to say”
Post # 3
Ugh, this is a pet peeve of mine.
Post # 4
Tisa85: “I feel like we need to get a talking stick so that only one of us is speaking at a time and we are allowed to finish a thought before being interrupted. Do you think we can manage to do those things without it or should we agree on what could be used as a talking stick? “
Post # 5
I’ve read that most people don’t listen… they simply just wait for their turn to speak. I try to set an example and actively listen when people are speaking in hopes that they do the same for me. 🙂
Post # 6
I’ll admit, I do this all the time. But I’m not trying to be rude. Generally, it’s because I’m excited about what you’re saying and it’s my way of showing that I am actively listening/interested. But I totally get that it is annoying, and I have one friend on particular who hates it when I do this (actually it wasn’t until I met her that I even realized that I did this). She will call me out and ask me to let her finish speaking, which I’m happy to do! I honestly had no idea I even did this.
I will say that I think it is a conversation style in the sense that when people do this to me, I’m not offended and if anything I encourage it. I think I’m just used to a more fast paced conversation style where there is a lot of quick back and forth while we bounce ideas off each other. Until I met this friend, I never even thought of it as interrupting.
Post # 7
Oh my gosh, I totally needed a rant about this! I’m an introvert, so I have a hard time in group conversations just being heard. I try to wait for my turn to speak and only when I have something significant to say, so when people constantly cut me off, I start shutting down in the conversation because I hate feeling like I have to talk fast and get all my words out before someone else interrupts.
The WORST actually comes from my own mom and FI! Granted, I can’t be completely mad about it, because they usually interrupt me because they’re trying to engage enthusiastically in the conversation. Fiance tries to finish my sentences for me, and it would be cute if I didn’t find it irritating! I’m trying to figure out how to tactfully explain this concept.
Post # 8
SilvanArrow: My Fiance talks over me and finishes my sentences frequently and sometimes depending on my mood I’ll just quit talking entirely and shut down and only give one word answers or I just continue talking over him like I don’t hear him at all.
Post # 9
SilvanArrow: as a fellow introvert, I totally understand!! I stopped calling my mother in the phone because she was constantly taking to other people in the room with her during our conversations. Annoyed the crap out of me.
Post # 10
Fiance accuses me of doing this all the time. It’s something I’m trying to work on, but like PP said, it’s not because I don’t care what the other person is saying or I think what I have to say is more important, but I’m just generally excited about whatever the topic of discussion is. I totally don’t even realize I’m doing it, and it doesn’t bother me at all when someone says “hey, let me finish” or something like that in a nice tone. Bring it up when it happens – if your friends/SO/whoever is anything like me, they probably don’t even realize they’re doing it.
Post # 11
It’s super frusterating!! I think the best way to deal with it is to keep pointing it out each time the person does it. Sorry I can’t offer you any better advice !
Post # 12
I hate this too! I’ve also gotten to the point where in my mind, this is the next step when someone interrupts me constantly:
Post # 13
On a more serious note though, when people interrupt and you’re sharing something about yourself or its a sensitive topic, I tend to seriously call them out on it, like, “Hey, I’m sharing something really intimate right now that I’ve been struggling with and (as a shy person, as an introvert, etc.) it is not easy to be open, especially when you cut me off. You clearly cannot predict what I am going to say about [certain sensitive topic] and it would make me feel much safer in our relationship if you allowed me to finish speaking and just listened. I promise to give you plenty and time to speak where I listen.” Then just glare at them. If they don’t apologize, they’re probably not the kind of person you want to open up to anyway, I’ve found.
Post # 14
Thank you for all the lovely responses! So nice to see other bees who feel the same way about this. With one person it has become almost an ongoing joke that I have to keep asking if I can finish what I was saying.
The thing is I totally get the enthusiastic thing because we all do that sometimes. But even that can become frustrating if it keeps happening. Like if each time you start a story, it automatically gets cut short to become the other person’s story. I’ve been told I’m a good listener so I feel people get a chance to speak at their own pace with me. I’m definitely an introvert but I also love chatting too!
Some situations I expect to get interrupted like on a night out with friends where there’s a lot of discussion and banter. Other situations like a coffee with someone who interrupts a lot can become a bit more tricky for me, as I end up wondering if I will ever get a chance to really talk. It’s hard to point out ‘you never let me speak’ in a polite and gracious way lol
And of course I’ve actually had real problems where people completely assumed what I was about to say but never gave me the chance to finish even though I really tried to explain it to them. And so it became a horrible misunderstanding and then they refused to believe that I never intended to say that in the first place!!
I hope this vent hasn’t made me seem overly precious about these things, I don’t mean to come across as uptight about it. I just find it hard and it is really affecting one relationship as I mentioned above. They say they’ll try but it’s a habit that is very much ingrained in their conversational style. Anyway hopefully things will get better
Post # 15
Tisa85: I just keep talking if I don’t feel I’m done. Raise your voice the tiniest bit, slow down the tiniest bit, and finish your sentence calmly.