Post # 1
I am lucky enough to be having serveral showers before my wedding in June 2010 (family friends have all offered, and we have enough friends and family such that guests will not be invited to more than one – except my bridesmaids, my mother and my FMIL). We are in the process of scheduling them and I was wondering – who picks the date? The hostess or the bride or both? Also, when is the best time to have a shower? One hostess is pushing for three weeks before my wedding and I think I will be too swamped by then. I don’t want to be too stressed because I want to enjoy it! Most of my bridesmaids are from out of town, so I’d hate for them to have to fly to Chicago twice in three weeks. I also feel bad that shower guests would have to purchase a shower gift and wedding gift so close together. What is “normal?”
Post # 3
How many showers are you having? When you say “several showers” do you mean one bridal shower, one wedding shower, etc? I would say have them at least a month before the wedding if you don’t want guests to purchase a shower and wedding gift so close together.
As for the date, the hostess and you will work together to see what fits both of your schedules. I think you’d be too busy with other wedding preparations to have one of your showers 3 weeks before the wedding. Some out of towners might not be able to make it since they would have to come for the wedding so soon.
Post # 4
I was wondering this too. I’m thinking between 1 and 2 months out. I’ll be finishing up school, and the weekend date that is one month prior to my wedding is my sister’s high school graduation, which I don’t want to take from her!
Post # 5
Whatever works for you! My aunt hosted a shower and asked me about the date, and we planned it so that one of my best friends (and BM) would be able to participate before she moved across the country. It ended up being like 4 months before the wedding, but who cares? It worked for us. My FI’s side is having another for us, about 4 weeks before the wedding, but I wasn’t really consulted much on that date. I don’t think there are really any firm rules about showers.
Post # 6
Since our wedding is the week after New Years, my shower is in November. We didn’t want to add one more thing for people to do in December, so we’re just having it earlier.
Post # 7
Makes sense, but the earlier I get presents the earlier I’m going to want to use them!!
Post # 8
That last comment brings up a good point. Are you “allowed” to use them if you receive the gifts before your married. My mom was telling me I have to keep them all packed away until after the wedding. She said that if I had to return them to the guests it would be better if I hadn’t used them yet… I’m not sure where she is getting this idea that I will have to return my gifts? We are both extremely certain we are getting married.
Are you all using gifts when you receive them, even if they are technically wedding gifts and it’s before your date?
Post # 9
@Miss Sapphire My family is doing the same thing. Since the wedding is right after Christmas, we all decided to have the showers before Thanksgiving. No one needs another thing to do during the holiday season!
Have you had any friends or family ask why the shower was so early? I guess I don’t really know the etiquette about how far in advance a shower should be, but she was surprised how early it was – until I explained the reasoning behind it.
Post # 10
I’d say go for 1-2 months out. I’m getting married in May, so I think a March/April shower (hah – april shower!) would be nice.
Oh, and as for if you can use the gifts or not: I’d think you can use shower gifts right away since they were gifts for the shower and not the wedding, right? Then again, I won’t be moving in with Fiance and setting up our home until after the wedding, so I guess most of the gifts can’t really be used before then anyway…
Post # 11
I’m gettign married in June and my shower is going to be the weekend after Easter – so April 10 (I think). We are planning it then because I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man getting married at the end of April, so I don’t want to take away from her celebration, but we can’t have it at Easter (the first week of April ’10).
I’m only having one shower, but it’ll be 11 weeks before my wedding, so about 3 months before. I think you should have a shower before your invitations go out.
Post # 12
I’ve hear 1-2 months out is a good time range. That’s nice of you to make sure people don’t have to go to all of them, my fiance is the best man in this guy’s wedding next month and he went to the 3rd shower on Sunday….he’s already spent $200 in gifts and it’s not even the wedding yet! People will really appreciate you thinking of that.
Post # 13
1-2 months is good, maybe even 2.5 months before. Work on the date with the hostess and you, obviously the date needs to work for you so you can be there 🙂 Maybe give the hostess a list of dates that would work for you and go from there. I checked with my BM’s and people that I REALLY wanted to be able to come to the shower before we selected a date.