(Closed) When should I ask my bridesmaids?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Don’t ask your bridesmaids until around 8 months to a year max before your wedding. Relationships change and you may regret your choices if you ask them too far in advance. I would wait to ask any of your bridesmaids until after your FSIL’s wedding, not because you need to wait for her wedding to be over but because even if she wasn’t getting married you wouldn’t want to ask until around then.

Post # 4
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If you do some reading here, you’ll see where women asked their bridesmaids more than a year out, and regretted it. It’s easy to do because you’re so excited and want to give them time to save if necessary, but things change in a year  

My recommendation would be to confirm your venue and location. That way, when you ask your party, you’ll have an idea of what theyll need to do in terms of dress and travel. You’ll also have a better idea of your budget and if you can assist with rooms or dresses. 

As far as dresses and Out of Town maids, I’m picking a brand and a color/fabric, and they can coordinate their fittings, etc. on their own. 

Post # 5
Hostess
3807 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I have 6 BMs, 4 of whom are out of state, including both of my MOHs. I asked my MOHs to try on some dresses without me and to send pictures of their favorites. I then sent the pictures to my other bridesmaids and asked their opinions; choosing a dress that I like, thought was flattering, and that they all placed at the top of their lists. I went with the local BMs to try the dress on and to see the colors in person and it worked out fantastically! You definitely don’t need all of your BMs to be there at the same time. I’ve actually shopped on my own or with 2 BMs tops in other weddings I’ve been in; never have we had the whole bridal party there.

I also echo PP suggestions to wait to ask your BMs. I wanted to ask mine in person, so I started 12 months out and asked my last one (super busy BM!) recently (9 months out). I had a HUGE falling out with one of the girls that I had originally planned to ask when we got engaged last spring, and she’d been a close friend for nearly 15 years, so it definitely does not hurt to wait.

Post # 6
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

andielle:  I was the out-of-town bridesmaid for a wedding two years ago. Ordering the dress was no problem- I called with my measurements, gave them my CC number, and that was that. Had my mom pick it up for me (the wedding was in my hometown), but the bride or another bridesmaid could have easily done it if my mom wasn’t free.

Granted, I didn’t get to see myself in the dress until about a month before the wedding (my mom had it shipped to me), but it wasn’t a big deal.

Personally, I would wait until 8 months before the wedding to ask. As other folks have said, friendships change. I would weigh the odds that your relationship with one girl will change against the odds of picking a dress that doesn’t work for all of them and see which one would be worse for you.

Post # 7
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’be only been a Bridesmaid or Best Man once, and they had a 5 onth engagement… so we were asked quickly!

I asked my girls (our engagement was 8 months) just short of 2 months after we got engaged. I wanted to ask my sister in person and wasn’t seeing her until April; we got engaged in February. We saked the members of our bridal party (we only had 4 total) after that.

Post # 9
Member
35 posts
Newbee

I asked my BMs about 6 months before our wedding. I would say it’s more about choosing carefully than an actual timeline. I had a bad feeling about 1 girl from day 1 but felt almost obligated to ask her. I ignored that feeling, and here we are 2 weeks before my wedding & my intuition was right. For dress ordering/alterations purposes, earlier is better. Just listen to your heart AND mind when making the decision of who you’ll choose.

Post # 10
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We asked our bridal party when we had a date booked, so it was about 13 months before the wedding date. We are very fortunate in that everyone we have asked are quite laid back, don’t cause drama and are more than happy to go with the flow so we didn’t have any fears about issues arising.

Post # 11
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I’ve asked my Maid/Matron of Honor & my other best friend to be a bridesmaid even though I’m not getting married until 2018. Fortunetly for me we have remained close friends even though I now live 500 miles away. They’ve been my best friends for the last 10 years with no issues. I’m really lucky though, not all friendships can stay as strong when you don’t get to see your friends as often due to work.

Post # 12
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

It’s not stressful or hard for your Out of Town girls. I’m an Out of Town bridesmaid who knows nothing about dress shopping and didn’t struggle, lol.

The bride could never coordinate a big group of the 9 of us. For those who couldn’t come to the shop at all, she texted lots of photos/links. Girls have generally worn SOME kind of dresses before, and know if they like certain styles/colors. 

Plus, a diverse group will never agree, so finding a “perfect” dress is an illusion. (Personally, these are strapless and I hate strapless dresses, but it’s one day so… *shrugs* I said they were adorable and of course I’d love to spend $300 on one.)

I went to Nordstrom (they can go to anywhere that sells formal dresses) and asked to be measured. Called the bridal shop, gave them measurements & a CC#, and it was all good. The bride picked mine up when they came in and mailed it. (You can UPS ship a dress for $8-10 in a smallish box, and they’re going to have to steam it when they alter it anyway, so wrinkles are not a big deal.) Because she was going with one dress/one design/one color, the shop had a file made up with all that info and our names, and they just noted our sizes there when we called.

Question. Will your girls be back at Christmas/some other time next year? If having each girl there is that important to you, you don’t have to go as a group. Once you ask them closer to the date, you can take them individually as they happen to be in town, and have them pick say, top 3 of your top 5.

Don’t ask this early. You don’t know what could happen. Around the holidays would be 8 months, and would give them plenty of time to save. The big dress shopping event isn’t worth the risk when it’s sooooo easy for each girl to handle this on their own.

Post # 13
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m asking my maid and matron of honor because they will not change,soon because they are helping with tons right now. I am also getting married july 2017 I plan to ask mine about a year in advance because they most likely will not change and they wll live in other states. we are all super close but i want to give them ample notice since lots of our other friends are getting married next year as well and i kind of want dibs on my date since i set it first. it depends on if you have faith in your friendships to stay as close as you are now. 

Post # 14
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

All great tips, however I am planning to ask my BMs this month, and I’m getting married in May 2017. I’m planning to have 7 or 8. All of them play very significant roles in my life which makes it easy and very meaningful. 1, we’ve been friends since elementary, 1 is a close cousin, like a sister, 4 of them we’ve been friends since HS (take trips every year) and the other we became close friends when I moved to the current state that I live in and before I met my now Fiance. The 8th friend I’m considering, we recently within the past year became close, so I’ll wait to ask her, she’d definitely be surprised. But I say all that to say, everyone’s situation is different, and it depends on your friendships and who you’re asking. I think for me, we all figured we’d be in each others wedding since we were teenagers, and thus far we all have been :). It is hard to have long lasting friendships these days…

Post # 15
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

In every wedding I’ve been in, and I’ve been in 3, the bride picks a dress she loves and we have gone on our own to try it on and order it. I prefer it that way!!! It’s easier and less stressful not having to with a bunch of girls 😛

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