(Closed) When should I bring up the issue of virginity during dating?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 166
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

MrsPiggles:  I was thinking either that, or he has an issue with female desire. Because rape is not considered a loss of virginity because she didn’t want it. So maybe he’s afraid if she’s ever wanted any penis but his, that she will find another one she wants more? Or it really is this fetish… 

“Harmatophilia refers to one who is aroused by mistakes … people who are aroused by their partner having less sexual knowledge or competence than themselves. This bolsters their self-esteem and makes them feel more secure in the relationship. Of course, this preference for sexually inept females can cause some women to either feign incompetence or prevent them from wanting to experiment or learn more about sex many men find it novel, feeling honored, enjoy the feeling of power in defiling a virgin, are relieved that they cannot be compared with anyone else, or have a religious ethic that would create prejudice against a partner who was not a virgin”


In the rest of the article it basically says requiring partners be virgins (out of sexual preference) is basically linked to peodophilia except that is is socially acceptable. But it comes from the same place of wanting to be in control of another person and to hold the “power” over someone who is inexperienced. 

Hammer, meet nail. 


Post # 167
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

renierose:  I agree with your opinion that the OP shouldn’t entangle himself with anyone who has been raped. Because if he shuns a woman at her darkest, most troubled times, he doesn’t deserve the brightest spots of joy, either.

I put that down to selfishness and a lack of empathy rather than emotional immaturity, but whatever. If you want, I’ll pretend that I haven’t seen a better capacity for grace and redeeming love from a few 17 year old men I know with girlfriends or crushes who have been sexually assaulted and/or raped and are trying to use their sexuality as a shield rather than a vulnerable spot. 

The thing that bothers me most (besides the victim blaming and the HIV/drug use weirdness) is the idea that by saving his virginity as a “gift” for marriage, he has “earned” having a virgin wife as a “gift” back. That isn’t how gifts work… 

Post # 168
11811 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

This thread seems to have runs its course so I am going to close it now.

The topic ‘When should I bring up the issue of virginity during dating?’ is closed to new replies.

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