(Closed) When someone hits on your SO in front of you but ignores you completely

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I take it as a compliment most of the time, especially from the 20smth crowd, it’s cute & they don’t know any better. I’ve never been bothered by flirty stylists, etc, who are trying to recruit clients. It doesn’t bother me and I normally ignore it unless he is flirting back. Then I tell him at home that his behaviour is not acceptable.

However, his reaction and break up thing does not sit well with me.

Post # 4
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Fi used to work in a gym…it’s a strange dynamic there.  No offense to anyone who does work at a gym but it takes a certain kind of personality.  Usually these people are very involved in their looks, are lacking in the self esteem and use flirting as a way of getting new clients, keeping their macho/girl barbie personas.

I wouldn’t take Kristen’s behaviour as much else then being a young, dumb girl working in that kind of environment.

Talk to your SO and tell him why her behaviour makes you uncomfortable.  I tried to explain it to Fiance by flipping the situation.  “Imagine we went to the gym together and a male trainer came up to me and flirted with me infront of you…. how would you feel?”  He understood why I was upset and why it was innappropriate.  I very calmly told him he is welcome to have female friends at the gym but if he were to flip the actions and they would make uncomfortable if they were directed at me, then they are not appropriate for him to be doing.

If she continues to be a barbie then have your SO introduce you as his gf to her and then kill her with kindness and say “hi” and “bye” everytime to go to the gym.  Don’t bother with a conversation… she probably can’t handle it.  She’ll have a harder time ignoring you if you have a voice, than if you quietly stand in the corner.

Post # 5
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know it’s probably not the best way to deal with it….but I’d be going in there without him and pulling her aside and asking her what her deal is. I’d let her know you see what she’s doing, that you don’t appreciate it, and that you’ve got her number. I’d also subtly let her know that I was ready to choke a bitch should the need arise. I’d be marking my territory.

But that’s just me.

The best thing to do would probably be to just ignore it for now. Making it a big issue will just make Fiance think you don’t trust him…and you do, right? But maybe make sure to give the chick some death-glares every time you go there, and don’t leave his side.

Post # 6
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KittyKatz:   He broke up with you over this?  Surprised

Did you get back together?

Hell yeah, that would bother me, big time.  Wtf, a haircut in the bathroom?  That is one shady woman.  He is being stupid  and letting her flatter his ego.  He knows damn well what’s going on and he’s letting it happen.

Just ask him how he would feel if this situation were reversed and a guy at the gym offered you free haircuts alone in the bathroom (gag!), ignored him and continued flirting with you right in front of his face.

You have every right to be upset.  It’s amazing you didn’t go off on her right then and there at the gym. 

And he DID do something wrong – he allowed someone to be RUDE to you right in front of his face and he did nothing about it.  If my Fiance did that to me I would have walked out of that damn gym right that minute and driven away.  I wouldn’t put up with that kind of disrespect for a minute.

Post # 7
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

If she was blatantly ignoring me and flirting with him like you say then I’d be upset too.  And I’d discuss it with my SO too. 

At least your SO tried to make it clear that he is with you when he introduced you.  She sounds like an immature attention seeker.  He’s probably fond of the attention he’s getting because it sounds like he works hard on his physique.  Just smile and know that your SO wants to be with you, not the gym girl.  And then (calmly) have a serious chat with your SO about how you are uncomfortable with the gym girl and think of ways that you and he can avoid the awkward situations.

Was the break-up just a temporary heat-of-the-moment thing?

Post # 8
Member
46653 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think he did anything wrong. He was just being polite.

She is the one who is being immature and impolite.

Her immaturity, and innapropriate behavior, along with any insecurity on your part could be a dangerous combination.

This is certainly not worth making such a big deal of  that he wants to break up with you.

 

Post # 11
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee

One of my SO’s friends used to do this to me. It was SO obvious that she was completely in love with my SO and hated my guts, but he was oblivious. Even when I told him, he still wouldn’t believe me. I’m not worried because not only is she a total bitch, but she’s fugs as well. haha He tried to get us to be friends, but I think he eventually gave up and added bonus, she moved away!

Post # 12
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@julies1949:   He wasn’t being very polite to his SO by allowing her to be treated with such disrespect and rudeness right in front of her face.     

Being polite to a virtual stranger should never trump allowing someone you care for to be treated rudely. 

Post # 14
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ll play devils advocate. I have so many girlfriends who claim so and so was hitting on their SO right in front of them, and the fights that later ensued, etc.

I’ve been with my Fiance for almost ten years, he’s outrageously handsome, and I’ve never suspected anyone of hitting on him right in front of me! I’m pretty sure girls have flirted with him in my presence, but I honestly wouldn’t have noticed if they did. I tend to think people are just being friendly and I don’t jump to the conclustion that everyone wants my man.

I certainly am not going to blame my Fiance for some poor girls lack of social decency.

Make up your sweetie pie and next time just ignore this type of thing…this is a silly thing to break up over. He might be a little ignorant when someone is getting flirty, and he may not realize you are being put in an akward position, but I think in a way you may have made it akward for yourself….you might have engaged in teh converation or been more friendly, but maybe you just wern’t in the mood and I can understand that…..so unfortunatly you let your blood boil.

I myself probably would have warned my Fiance not to get too friendly with the chick…she may have some agenda he might not suspect but I would probably hae dropped it after that.

Good luck!

 

Post # 15
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Actually – The next time you go in there together, and you head to the front desk together, say this to her:

“Oh hi! Jim was telling me that you’re a stylist in your spare time, that you’re moonlighting, and that you could accommodate a haircut on premises here! I’m REALLY in need of a trim, could you maybe get to me today after we’re done here? I’d REALLY appreciate it!”

I’d just want to see what she says…..

Alternately, you could just complain to her boss and tell him/her that she’s offering to give customers haircuts in the bathrooms. As an employer I’d find that really disrespectful and inappropriate, and I’d discipline her for it. She’d likely figure out if was you or Jim, and cut that shit out.

 

Post # 16
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsPuddingface:  omg yes.  I would choke a b!tch …but only in my head.  over and over and over again.  but in reality, OP, you need to talk to him, and then make sure he explains to her that he is with YOU and HE  does not appreciate her disrespectful behavoior and the fact that she flirts with him AND ignores you.

@Sunfire:  yes. yes. yes.  Haircut in bathroom?  sleeeeez-y.  out of sight?  really girl?  Her brain is clearly not matured.  And….I don’t think this is something your man should break up with you about!!!!  Why is he so sensitive about this?  seems like a big overreaction if it is just “some girl” that was making HIS woman uncomfortable.  He should be comforting you and putting her back in place.  But, I guess it depends how you approached the subject.  If he felt attacked, it might explain why he reacted.  but still…breaking up over it? hmmmmmmm

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