Post # 1
I’d like to preface this with the fact that I’ve been married for over 2 years, and I’m still blissfully happy. I was out at a holiday dinner with one of our vendors, and our account manager who got married a little over a year and a half ago made an announcement that she’s getting divorced. This was her second marriage, and she was a little older (50s).
At this dinner was myself (obviously), a co-worker who was married just a year ago, and one of our consultants who is in her early 30s, been with her boyfriend for the last 5 years and is geting ready to take the next step with him (she hopes to be engaged in the next year). We’re all very happy with our men, but definitely don’t rub it in anyone’s face.
Throughout the entire dinner, this woman constantly commented to our consultant that she “shouldn’t do it…never get married.” Meanwhile, she’s saying to my married co-worker and I, “Just wait…it’s only a matter of time before you will get divorced. Make sure you have your stash for when it’s time to run.”
I’m not going to lie, I was a little offended. I know I shouldn’t have been and I should have just chalked it up to her being in a bad place in her life, but I feel that she was totally raining on all of our parades. I don’t think that anyone goes into their marriage thinking that they would ever get divorced (if they did, why get married to begin with), but I understand that it happens, and you never think it will happen to you. I don’t think that it’s cause to tell married women that it’s only a matter of time until they get divorced!
Sorry gals…I’m still a bit miffed about this and just needed to vent. Hopefully I didn’t offend anyone…it was more me just being offended that someone was basically telling me that I should’ve never married my husband b/c we’ll eventually get divorced
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
I’d be annoyed, too. For sure. But you’re right–she’s just bitter, in a bad place right now, etc. She is likely jealous of the relationships that you and your coworkers have with your husbands/boyfriends.
Post # 4
I feel sorry that she’s in a bad place, but I would have been annoyed too.
Similarly, when we were having breakfast the morning of my best friend’s wedding, the waitress moaned on for over a minute about how getting married was the worst mistake she’d ever made, and that my friend would “regret it someday”. Total buzz-kill!
Post # 5
I’m always offended when people make those comments. When I got engaged, my coworkers started making the, “I’m never getting married, what an outdated tradition” comments. I was like, “Whaa?” I work with a lot of young people (recent college grads) or women who are older, but have never been in a good relationship (no judgment, just sayin’), and I knew they would react that way. For the most part, people have been supportive to my face, but yeah, I heard the side comments. And I was offended.
I’ve just decided that people who make comments like that probably are very jaded, or have simply never experienced a solid connection with someone where marriage is an amazing thing. They just don’t understand, and that’s okay. I just let the comments roll right off my back. But yeah, I totally get where you’re coming from.
Post # 6
I would be upset too. Just because she is in a bad relationship doesn’t mean everyone is in a bad relationship! And telling people that they shouldn’t get married because they are going to get divorced? That’s just rude.
Post # 7
BF’s mom started in on this one day.
We chalk it up to her being unhappy about her situation. Just because she’s unhappy and doesn’t know why anyone would ever get married doesn’t mean that everyone else is unhappy.
I mean, certainly you got married for a reason? I would hope someone doing all of this complaining wouldn’t get married to someone that makes them complain and kvetch, you know? Surely there were good moments, the whole thing couldn’t have been so bad as to wish bad things upon other people…
Post # 8
OMG, this is one of my biggest pet peeves!! I think it is so rude and SELFISH of people to tell you your marriage isn’t going to last or that marriage is a bad idea.
Since when is it acceptable to make such comments to people? You wouldn’t walk into someone’s house and say it was worthless and they’re never going to get back what they paid because the neighborhood is going downhill – you say “Lovely Home, thanks for having me over!”.
I really think these are bitter, angry people who got married for the wrong reasons, had a bad relationship and don’t want anyone else to be happy.
Post # 9
I would feel the same way. Just chalk it up to her bad situation, though, especially since it was aimed at an entire group of people, not just you. Right before I got engaged a “work friend” started commenting on what a waste of $ a wedding is, etc etc, and I just stayed quiet. She just seemed bitter overall in life. I still tried to help her find a new job, bc *shockingly, she wasn’t happy in her job, and she never updated her resume how I asked her to in order to customize it for my department. Then, she got laid off…but I digress. I think some people want to just think that everything else is bad, or that it’s something else’s fault “marriage” in this case, instead of taking a good hard look at themselves, which is so much harder to do!
I just look at both sets of our parents. Are they perfect and never fight…NO!…but both sides have been married for ~40 years and are still married, so that makes me believe in the future.
Post # 10
Thanks girls…you’re making me feel better! I was feeling a little guilty for being annoyed b/c she is going through a hard time, but I’m so with moderndaisy. That was a great analogy with the house. I would never tell anyone that their marriage wouldn’t last even if that’s what i was thinking in the back of my mind!
I would have been fine if she had made the snide comment once, maybe even twice, but it was all through dinner…multiple times. And I could see our consultant getting uncomfortable b/c she was ready to gush to my co-worker and I about how she’s finally ready to get married!
Post # 11
oh, and @moderndaisy my BIL would, hahaha
Our house used to be a rental, and instead of buying a more expensive house, we just fix it up when we have the extra $$$, instead of being tied down to a more expensive mortgage for 30 years! We are getting our kitchen remodeled (on the cheap) and my BIL said something like “you need to quit throwing money away on that house and just move” OUCH!
Post # 12
Not offended at ALL! This sounds just like my boss, who, whenever I talk about our upcoming wedding tells me 1. not to do it, 2. my fiance’s flaws will “only get worse with age” 3. “these things never work out” 4. “most marriages end in divorce” etc etc blah blah blah. I used to think that maybe I talked about mine and my fiance’s relationship too much, maybe if I stopped talking about it, or only glossed over things, she’d stop, but as the wedding approaches, it’s worse than ever. She taken to asking me if I’m “really going to do this ‘thing’ “What I hate most is the tone of her voice, it’s almost hopeful that we’ll fail or break up or cancel the wedding!!
You’re all right, these people are bitter and angry and have sadly had bad relationship experience. I feel bad that some people have had such bad experiences that they feel the need to project them onto other people. It does not excuse the behavior though. It took me a looong time not to take these comments to heart, because they do hurt and can be offensive!!
Post # 13
You know what really annoys me? H & I are very affectionate and always holding hands and stuff. Lots of older married couples (including his stepdad!) are like “oh, yeah you’re all lovey-dovey now just wait a couple years! Then you won’t be able to stand each other!” (or a similar comment.) Ughh…
For the record, my parents have been married over 30 years and are still lovey-dovey. So, while rare, it does happen!
Post # 14
@hello: I hate that too! Maybe because my parents and grandparents are still like that – I’ve caught my grandparents holding hands while watching the Bruins game – I melt every time I see it, so sweet….despite the decided lack of romance in a hockey game, LOL.
Post # 15
@hello – that’s another one that irks me as well! We’re not overly affectionate in public either, but we do get that a lot from older firends. “Oh…you two being considerate of each other will stop soon after you have kids.” It didn’t stop for my brother and SIL after they had kids! And I know a lot of older couples who are still adorably affectionate and considerate of each other…
Post # 16
Trust me. I feel you on this one. Parade rainers suck.
Last Thursday evening (the day before my wedding) we were at the tux shop and (then) FH was trying on his tux, and this woman who was in there with her kids, asked me what the occasion was and I told her we were getting married the next day.
She told me “Good luck” and “I’ll never do that again” blah blah blah, then proceeded to stare me down the rest of the time we were there.
I swallowed the urge to punch her in the face but I did tell her “that’s not something you want to hear right before you get married” and looked at her challengingly, waiting for her next remark.
Luckily FH came out of the dressing room so I was distracted, and when I turned back around she was gone.
Ugh. Some people.