(Closed) FILs spend TOO MUCH on my gifts!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
9782 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@laureneliz87:  this year I would just say thank you with a nice card. Maybe next year your hubs could propose a spending cap? You don’t have to say its because of them explicitly. You could say you’re trying to focus on saving for a house/babies/more babies/whatever. If they say no- well then they’re adults and can be irresponsible if they want and at least you tried! 

Post # 4
2685 posts
Sugar bee

Sounds a lot like my parents.  They probably spent $500 per person this year, even though they are about to retire and Fiance and I have a great combined income.  The items we received are really awesome, but we do feel a bit odd accepting them.  With some parents, telling them to stop giving so many gifts is like trying to stop a freight train by standing in front of it.  My Fiance and I have been toying with the idea of changing how we do gifts in future years.  Instead of the usual gift exchange, we may impose rules such as a spending limit or only giving handmade gifts.  It would even the playing field for everyone and would ensure that family members are not spreading themselves too thin.  If the entire family is in on it, nobody’s feelings are hurt and everyone is happy.

Post # 5
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We don’t get gifts but still expected to give lol

Post # 6
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Make a contest out of it? I managed to get everyone a gift this year at about $20/person. I DIYed a ton of stuff. I’d have to say my mickey mouse shaped wreath made out of dollar tree ornaments was probably the biggest hit this year!

Post # 8
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Future In-Laws spend about $400 a year on me too, but they are very well off. I used to feel awkward about it but now I just graciously thank them. I know that they love to give gifts (maybe that’s how your Future In-Laws are too) and you can’t exactly make smart financial decisions for them. You could suggest making Christmas gift giving into a game… Like a $50 white elephant instead of personal gifts or my extended family all buys about $20 worth of little gifts (instead of buying gifts for every aunt, uncle and cousin) and then we play bingo (we’re a little redneck) to win the gifts. Maybe you could propose something like this?

Post # 9
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

My parents spend around $750 on each of us (myself, my siblings and our SO’s). Yes it’s excessive and we feel bad about it (they can afford it but it’s still a lot), but honestly, they love doing it, so it’ll never stop. 

Post # 10
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@laureneliz87:  I don’t know that there is anything that you can really do- except be grateful.

My Fiance comes from a VERY modest family.  I have wondered if the way my families (divorced parents) have done Christmas bothers him- or makes him uncomfortable.  But he’s never expected anything from anyone- and I think he’s just grateful for what he recieves.

And to top it off, my grandparents give my husband a check for a ridiculous amount.  We weren’t married last year at Christmas- and my jaw dropped this year.

I don’t think your inlaws would be buying things they can’t afford, technically- I’m sure they know you’d love them just as much as if they didn’t get you anything!  Don’t fret about it- and if it’s something that seriously bothers you, perhaps talk to your Fiance and have him tell his parents next year you guys just want to spend time together- sans gifts!  That way, you guys can shower them with whatever you please, but maybe they won’t buy 🙂

Post # 11
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Windstar on Naples bay

Some parents just like to do that. I struggled for a long while feeling guilty for my parents taking money out of their retirement fund to pay for my wedding but a friend Told me not to because they just want me to be happy and this is their way of providing for me. The explanation really made sense to me so it kind helped me get over the guilt. Maybe his parents are the same way. Like previous users have said discuss it with your fi if it really bothers you. 

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