When sposes try to "fix" instead of just listening to you vent..

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

I’m the fixer. 

When my husband doesn’t want me to fix the issue he tells me “it’s not about the nail” and I stop. (Ocasionally I tell him that as well). 

Watch “It’s Not About the Nail” with your husband on Youtube.

Post # 32
Member
3264 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

My dh does it too. It can be annoying af! I think it’s in their genes… but I’ve been guilty of doing it too!

Post # 33
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

Anyone here watch Modern Family? Because this scene sums it up perfectly lol.

 

Post # 35
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

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futuremrss17 :  My Fiance used to do this. It used to be very aggravating. What helped was relationship counselling and identifying what I actually wanted from him.

A situation would happen that I wanted to talk about with him.

Before, I would just spew whatever was on my mind, and get upset like you. “I just want you to listen, stop problem solving!” And he would get upset that I was upset.

Now, I think about what I need to talk about, and what I want from him.

What do I want him to do?

Do I truly want to vent and I just want a sympathetic ear to listen to me? Or am I confused about what to do and I want his input on what to do?

I tell him straight up.

If say “I need to vent because XYZ…”, he knows that vent is the magic word and he will listen and nod and be supportive.

If I leave out the magic word, he knows that I am looking for his input on what to do and am open to bouncing ideas around and problem solving.

We’re much happier since that got sorted out.

Post # 36
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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futuremrss17 :  geez that sounds awful I hope everything gets cleared up for you 🙂 

Post # 37
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

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jessiebear85 :  My Fiance is learning haha…previously I would go to my girlfriends for this kind of stuff but I’ve learned recently that most of them really don’t care and my venting can sometimes be too much for them. So now I’m trying to find a best friend in my fixer Fiance 🙂

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