Post # 61
hrtsnstrs : IM so sorry, what a jerk. Yes his non-response is very telling and would piss me off. Something short and sweet via text is a good option.
The healthiest and most mature option would be to send him something short and sweet and block his number and move on. Because you don’t even need to hear his response as it is sure to take him forever to do and most likely just be not helpful to hear. You dont’ even really need to know what he was going to say because his actions speak for themselves.
I agree with duchessgummybunns : her response is perfect, “Disregard my previous text. I think it’s best if we call this now. I wish all the best for you.”
Post # 62
ladyjane123 : I love that response.
Thanks for your support, ladies!
Post # 63
hrtsnstrs : Keep us updated!! hugs
Post # 64
Post # 65
hrtsnstrs : If his timeline isn’t matching up with yours, just move on. Not to be crude but there are lots more 40-year-old men who want to date you than 28-year-old women that want to date him, so lmao at this guy acting like he’s some kind of hot stuff.
Also the guy is 40. He knows what he wants/doesn’t want out of life by now (and if he doesn’t taht is a big huge red flag all by itself). So if he seems like he’s not into relationships and just wants to play around and keep his options open, then that’s what he wants to do.
Post # 66
camenae : haha so true! I have thought about that – the way he’s only getting older and I’m still young. You’re so right – I’d have way more 40 year old men lining up for me than he’d have 28 year old women. He’s not going to be hot stuff forever…. he’s lucky he has the attention (or HAD I should say) of an attractive younger woman!!
Post # 67
A guy’s relationship history will give you some HUGE clues as to their level of readiness to be in a relationship or make a commitment. In fact, I find this to be the single most effective indicator, this is why I always ask a couple of subtle questions about a guy’s relationship history on the first date or two.
– Separated, recently divorced or recently out of a long-term, serious relationship
– Late 20s onwards and never had a longer, more serious relationship
– Late 30s onwards and never been married or engaged
– Talks about exes alot and in a very critical or emotionally charged way
– Tends to be the one who hesitates or pulls away in some way in his relationships
– Has had one or more meaningful relationship that he speaks about positively or neutrally
– Speaks about being engaged or married in positive terms
– Has had several significant relationships (relationships of more than a few months)
– Seems to enjoy the role of being a boyfriend/fiance/husband
There are other indications, such as whether he has a good relationship with his parents if his parents have a happy, healthy marriage, and a very BIG one (which other PPs have also pointed out) how good a communicator is he? Does he communicate regularly with you? Does he respond eagerly and willingly to your communication? Is he warm and open and clear when you ask him questions to do with your relationship?
Post # 68
Just ghost. There are so many good guys out there that this one’s behavior does not dignify a “bye” text. There’s nothing to “break off”, he made that pretty clear. You were just sex and short term companionship.
All guys know 2.5 Months in if they want to be exclusive or not. Especially if sex is involved.
Post # 69
dgirl715 : oh, agreed!! I wasn’t opposed to sending something, but it’s been TWO days now with no response. So I really don’t care to send anything if he can’t even reply. Know what’s funny? Especially for his age? He can’t reply (in a timely manner, or at all) to a text but is one of the first to watch my IG stories lately!!! What the heck is the logic in that?! Haha geez.
indigobee : I typed a response earlier but it didn’t submit 😒 but to answer your questions – I don’t know a whole lot about his past. He hasn’t really been forthcoming. I believe his parents are happily married, but he did once allude to the fact that he was mostly raised by the women in his family bc his dad had a problem with drugs while he was growing up. I never pried for more info, but who knows if that bled into his idea of relationships/commitment. It depends on what kind of healing has or hasn’t taken place. I know from my last relationship, my ex went thru childhood family trauma and never did the proper work to heal and BELIEVE ME when I say it sure as hell affected our relationship and his concept of commitment. He’s asked me things though, seemingly signifying his interest, but obviously doesn’t signify much at this rate. I always meant to ask him more questions… it was my intent to know the nitty gritty of who I was dealing with, but tbh I often didn’t feel comfortable enough to do so, or felt like he was closed off, but it could’ve just been me. But now that I put two and two together I think maybe I got vibes, ya know? And as I said in my OG post… I was concerned that we weren’t progressing how much time we spent together… had we been steadily increasing it, as people typically do as they continue to see each other, it would’ve provided more opportunity to find out more about him. Funny thing is, this is what he claims to want to do … get to know me more. Yet hasn’t increased the amount of times per week we see each other…. actions over words, buddy.
Post # 70
hrtsnstrs : I’m sorry this happened. I know you care about this guy. I know his behavior is making you feel rejected, hurt, and angry.
It’s not about you. You are wonderful. He decided to spend time with you because he enjoyed spending time with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. However, he isn’t in this for the long haul. That’s about HIM. Not you. There is no rejection in that for you.
What do YOU want? Do you want to wait on a guy to decide you are ‘good enough’ for him to date exclusively after all? Do you want to continue to see some guy hoping he will finally get to know you enough to want to be with you? OR do you want to date someone who is excited about you, talks to his family and friends about you, prioritizes you, and is anxious to be in a relationship with you because he doesn’t want to share you with anyone else? Do you want to be with someone who ‘isn’t sure’ about you after months, or someone who knows you are the one he wants to be with?
I spent 7 months with ‘not sure’. In my case he did really like me, but he was controlling and I wouldn’t submit to his expectations. I ended up dating someone who knew immediately that I was the one for him. He just bought the diamond for my engagement ring and he’s absolutely ecstatic and in awe that I am dating him. This is a million times better than dating Mr. Notsure.
You are worth more, and you deserve better, than this guy can give you. Move on and find someone worthy of you.
Post # 71
Just block him, bee. (And don’t announce it.) You can’t no-call no-show for two days at most jobs. You shouldn’t even know when he decides to contact you.
Post # 72
At 40 he’s speaking bull crap. He knows exactly what he wants out of life.
Post # 73
He hasn’t responded in two days? Please don’t send him ANY other text; at this point, it means you’re still thinking about him and he’s still important enough to warrant a response. But you’re not important enough to him, so don’t give him the satisfaction. It just feeds his ego.
Post # 74
strawberrysakura : thanks so much for your kind words!!
coffeecakez : pinkcorsage : DeniseSecunda : no texts being sent – no worries. Not worth my time.
Post # 75
I just wanna say thank you to all you ladies who backed me up and supported me! Still haven’t heard from him for 3 days, will be 4 today. He literally couldn’t look like any more of a douchebag than he does now when it is utterly clear that with sex off the table he doesn’t want to see me or talk to me. WOW. I guess he didn’t realize that I don’t put up with bullshit and have standards 🤷🏼♀️ Not sorry!
Not gonna lie, definitely a little hurt, he was what I was looking for in terms of shared interests and background, BUT – his relationship goals CLEARLY don’t align with mine like I thought, AND I didnt consistently feel the way I imagine myself feeling with the right man – adored, secure, comfortable.
While yeah I’m a little hurt I’m just going to love me even harder and make sure that I take this experience and create new boundaries/rules to apply to dating moving forward, and be happy with myself that I nipped this thing in the bud when I did – imagine – I could still be seeing that guy (on his terms of course) and sleeping with him for a few months more and still not know where it’s going and get even more hurt! He may be a douche but at least I made it easy for myself to discern that by setting boundaries and seeing how he reacted.
thanks again, ladies. Hopefully one day I can say I finally met the right guy! Fingers crossed! 🤞🏽