(Closed) When the guy you’re seeing wants to take a long time to commit

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

hrtsnstrs :  IM so sorry, what a jerk. Yes his non-response is very telling and would piss me off. Something short and sweet via text is a good option. 

The healthiest and most mature option would be to send him something short and sweet and block his number and move on. Because you don’t even need to hear his response as it is sure to take him forever to do and most likely just be not helpful to hear. You dont’ even really need to know what he was going to say because his actions speak for themselves. 

 

I agree with duchessgummybunns :  her response is perfect, “Disregard my previous text. I think it’s best if we call this now. I wish all the best for you.”

then block. 

Post # 65
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

hrtsnstrs : If his timeline isn’t matching up with yours, just move on.  Not to be crude but there are lots more 40-year-old men who want to date you than 28-year-old women that want to date him, so lmao at this guy acting like he’s some kind of hot stuff.

Also the guy is 40.  He knows what he wants/doesn’t want out of life by now (and if he doesn’t taht is a big huge red flag all by itself).  So if he seems like he’s not into relationships and just wants to play around and keep his options open, then that’s what he wants to do.  

Post # 67
Member
486 posts
Helper bee

hrtsnstrs :  

A guy’s relationship history will give you some HUGE clues as to their level of readiness to be in a relationship or make a commitment. In fact, I find this to be the single most effective indicator, this is why I always ask a couple of subtle questions about a guy’s relationship history on the first date or two.

Bad signs:

– Separated, recently divorced or recently out of a long-term, serious relationship

– Late 20s onwards and never had a longer, more serious relationship

– Late 30s onwards and never been married or engaged

– Talks about exes alot and in a very critical or emotionally charged way

– Tends to be the one who hesitates or pulls away in some way in his relationships

Good signs:

– Has had one or more meaningful relationship that he speaks about positively or neutrally

– Speaks about being engaged or married in positive terms

– Has had several significant relationships (relationships of more than a few months)

– Seems to enjoy the role of being a boyfriend/fiance/husband

There are other indications, such as whether he has a good relationship with his parents if his parents have a happy, healthy marriage, and a very BIG one (which other PPs have also pointed out) how good a communicator is he? Does he communicate regularly with you? Does he respond eagerly and willingly to your communication? Is he warm and open and clear when you ask him questions to do with your relationship?

Post # 68
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

Just ghost. There are so many good guys out there that this one’s behavior does not dignify a “bye” text. There’s nothing to “break off”, he made that pretty clear. You were just sex and short term companionship.  

 

All guys know 2.5 Months in if they want to be exclusive or not. Especially if sex is involved.

Post # 70
Member
678 posts
Busy bee

hrtsnstrs :  I’m sorry this happened. I know you care about this guy. I know his behavior is making you feel rejected, hurt, and angry. 

It’s not about you. You are wonderful. He decided to spend time with you because he enjoyed spending time with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. However, he isn’t in this for the long haul. That’s about HIM. Not you. There is no rejection in that for you. 

What do YOU want? Do you want to wait on a guy to decide you are ‘good enough’ for him to date exclusively after all? Do you want to continue to see some guy hoping he will finally get to know you enough to want to be with you? OR do you want to date someone who is excited about you, talks to his family and friends about you, prioritizes you, and is anxious to be in a relationship with you because he doesn’t want to share you with anyone else? Do you want to be with someone who ‘isn’t sure’ about you after months, or someone who knows you are the one he wants to be with?

I spent 7 months with ‘not sure’. In my case he did really like me, but he was controlling and I wouldn’t submit to his expectations. I ended up dating someone who knew immediately that I was the one for him. He just bought the diamond for my engagement ring and he’s absolutely ecstatic and in awe that I am dating him. This is a million times better than dating Mr. Notsure. 

You are worth more, and you deserve better, than this guy can give you. Move on and find someone worthy of you. 

Post # 71
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Just block him, bee. (And don’t announce it.) You can’t no-call no-show for two days at most jobs.  You shouldn’t even know when he decides to contact you.  

Post # 72
Member
6361 posts
Bee Keeper

At 40 he’s speaking bull crap.  He knows exactly what he wants out of life.

Post # 73
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee

He hasn’t responded in two days? Please don’t send him ANY other text; at this point, it means you’re still thinking about him and he’s still important enough to warrant a response. But you’re not important enough to him, so don’t give him the satisfaction. It just feeds his ego. 

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