(Closed) When the guy you’re seeing wants to take a long time to commit

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee

You will meet the right guy because you are not allowing time-wasting losers to occupy your time and headspace. You have a winning attitude and if you keep dating with purpose and weeding out the wrong guys, you will find the right one.

Don’t let this loser knock down your self-esteem for even a second: he’s a 40-year old douchebag with the emotional availability and maturity of a 20-year old who will keep getting older and his antics of stringing along women and using them for his own sexual gratification won’t work anymore one day: he’ll be that 50-something-year-old creep trying to get with 20 year olds and no one his age will want him either because of his sleaziness lol. Meanwhile, you will be with your new man, happy and in love! Don’t get discouraged- onwards and upwards!

Post # 77
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee

After separation from my first husb, I was seeing a guy I knew for 5 years. It lasted 4 months. I felt and knew we were not progressing. I broke it off once, then for good 2 months later. 

I am an all or nothing person, I have no walls. His walls bothered me, prevented us from getting closed and made me feel unvalued. I really really liked him, and could see a future. But his nonchalance did us in. 

As women we tend to always,’hope’, even if we know in our gut we are mismatched. I regret not calling it off sooner, actually. 

Just my own experience, but don’t overthink. Don’t justify or rationalize.  If you feel good in this relationship, stay. If you don’t and it’s niggling… you may want to really consider that. 

 

Post # 80
Member
3264 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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hrtsnstrs :  stop replying at all, even on social media.  He’s a tool. It was obviously only sex and the bare minimum definition of “friendship”. Don’t waste another second on him, it’s only feeding his ego. You deserve far better. 

Post # 81
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

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hrtsnstrs :  I’m late to this thread, but I’m all caught up. Please don’t reply to this man-child anymore! You need to block him on Facebook and Instagram. You are feeding his ego when you essentially admit that you are still paying attention to his movements and whereabouts. He doesn’t deserve communication from you. In his mind, the door is still open, and it opens a little wider with every response you give. You are still thinking about him. Stop it!!! He knows exactly what game he’s playing, and you’re still falling for it.

My boyfriend and I slept together 1 month in to dating. I confirmed that neither of us were seeing other people at that time, explaining that I only have sex in monogamous situations, but I did not mention labels. Less than a week later, he asked me if he could refer to me as his girlfriend.  I can understand a guy not wanting to commit to bf+gf labels until finding out if there is sexually compatibility, and I wouldn’t want to either.  But if he had waited much longer I would’ve brought it up myself, and if he wasn’t totally excited about the prospect, I would’ve ended it. One month of consistent dating + sex and a guys knows what he wants, or doesn’t want. (It’s not like it’s an engagement!) Luckily, we both knew we’d found someone really special.  Moved in together at 11 months, will be engaged in under 2 yrs. Oh, and we’re the same age, give or take 6 months.

I once read a study about the average age that men want to settle down. Men were most likely to want to marry when they were in their in late 20s and early 30s, decreasing by about age 34, and after age 38, their chances of ever marrying dropped dramatically. If a man hadn’t found a partner by that time, he became less and less likely to ever want to commit. That seems to fall in line with your experiences and with mine.

Here is an article summarizing the study: https://www.today.com/health/reason-why-men-marry-some-women-not-others-t74671

It’s quite interesting. 

Post # 83
Member
3264 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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hrtsnstrs :  good for you.  *His* loss. If it were me, in the future, I would wait for exclusivity before adding sex, unless you’re just looking to scratch an itch.  Lol!

Post # 84
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t feel too bad I think we have all dated a guy like that at some point, or maybe a few! Haha. He is a total asshole. He really thought he could ignore you but message you on social media asking where his invite was? Hahha what a loser. You were nicer than I would have been. I would have been super petty and said some super cutting remark and hit him in his insecurity before I unfriended him. Something like, “ looks like I dodged a bullet, now I see what my friends were talking about when they asked why I was seeing some creepy old dude. Maybe at some point you’ll learn how social media works.” 

Haha. But then again I’d be petty because he knowingly wasted your time and used you for sex. You are so much better off bee. 

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hrtsnstrs :  

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