(Closed) When the kids must take care of their parents

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Among siblings, whose responsibility is it to care for elderly parents?

    It's everybody's responsibility,equally, regardless of if you have kids or not

    If you're the sibling with no kids, you should be the primary caregiver

    Other - see below for a more lengthy reason

  • Post # 32
    5785 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    gingerminty:  Its also the very strong opinion of everyone I know, but the fact is, people are living longer and some have limited resources for care. Unless you have saved a boatload of money and make some airtight investments, paying others to take care of you when you no longer are able, will bleed you dry.

    My Father out lived my Mother by ten years, and thought he had plenty to leave to us when he was gone. When he passed away last year we were lucky to have enough of his money left to cover less than 6 more months of care for him. He would have been so upset to know that taking care of him for his dementia took almost everything he had worked and saved for, and that was the only blessing in the entire ordeal…that he was unaware.

    Post # 33
    2368 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    I am 59, and my mom died in 2012. I’m an only child so it was all on me, and my husband. She had a very hard 5 years before the end. Everyone said I did a great job, but I felt I was constantly floundering.

    My advice to those not at that point yet is, don’t think too hard into the future as to what it will be like. It could be very different. Take it one day at a time, because very likely it will be easier – or harder – than you imagine. And the more money available for eldercare, the better it is for everybody.

    Post # 34
    859 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m one of the people who say that nobody has any obligation to take care of their parents. I’m perfectly willing to hire a caregiver or do some research to find a good home, but I feel zero desire to be spoon feeding and sponge bathing old people. If you don’t want to take care of them then don’t. That’s what the social system is for. 

    Post # 35
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee

    I believe its everyone’s responsiblity. However the logistics may make it that one or two are the position for direct care. In that situation, I’d like to see the other siblings support the caretakers. Maybe that means arranging for a housekeeping service every two weeks to clean their home, coordinate with the local grocery store to order/deliver groceries so all the caregiver has to do is unpack/or prepare meals. Maybe it’s offering to pay for some of the extracurricular activities for the caregivers kids. I don’t know. Basically recognizing that being a caregiver is incredibly difficult and doing as much as you can to support them for taking on that hard role.

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