Post # 1
Ok ladies, I have a question… Sometimes I wonder if i would ever have the strength to leave FI if things turned bad. Now, don’t get me wrong, we have a great, healthy, communicative relationship…I’m happy. I just have these “other” issues that come from my parents divorce. I just worry about these things a lot (unneccessaily). I see so many people who struggle to leave their SO over issues and situations, I like to think I’m strong enough to leave if it were neccessary, but I’m not sure I would! Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else has similar feelings about whether or not they would ever have the strength to leave their SO if the relationship was no longer happy or healthy.
Post # 3
@AlmostMrsShield: I don’t think it’s terribly uncommon to worry about things like this from time to time, but if you’re worrying about these things a lot I think you might benefit from individual therapy/counseling. I have a friend who has similar anxieties stemming from her parents’ divorce and I know therapy has helped her figure out coping strategies so she’s not worrying about these things as much as she used to.
Post # 4
It depends on why we were unhappy.
If it was something that could be fixed I’d fight to fix the relationship and he would as well. If it turned out that we just weren’t right for each other, I’d leave. If everyday I just had a nagging feeling that this relationship wasn’t what I wanted I’d leave.
There are obviously peaks and valleys in all relationships. Sometimes he annoys me so much I can’t even stand to be near him (one time in a hormonal fit I started crying when he tried to kiss me. Oops) However it is always fleeting. If my annoyance with him didn’t cease and therapy didn’t help I would leave. My parents have a miserable marriage, we’ve vowed never to have that.
Post # 5
@AlmostMrsShield: I’ve done it before, and we were married. It was the hardest, most painful thing I have ever done and, hopefully, will ever do. I believe everyone has a limit, but s/he might not necessarily know where that is until the situation gets there. Divorce was never an option until our situation became so unhealthy, unhappy, and toxic that I hit my limit.
You never know how strong you can be until you have to be.
Post # 6
Thanks ladies! We’ve been through all sorts during our 4 years together, difficult times with family, deaths, happy and exciting times, as well as our own struggles in our relationship. We’ve learned to work through our differences and issues and to COMMUNICATE <— this one was hard for me to learn…apparently men arent mind readers? Who would have thought! lol. I just don’t think I have the confidence or sense of worth IF things were to turn bad…not that I anticipate that at all. he’s helping me to develop my sense of self-worth and is actually making ME find myself more…anyway, this has turned into like, “all hail Mr.Shield” haha. But really, he is actually THAT fantabulous! haha
Post # 7
If one of my deal breaker issues came up then I don’t think I would hesitate to leave my DH. Yes it would be hard and heartbreaking, but I have my limits and I don’t think my standards are unfair or outrageous.
My parents are divorced and my mother is a very strong woman. She doesn’t put up with any sh!t and I am very much like her in that regard.
Post # 8
@AlmostMrsShield: Isn’t that funny?! Communication is/was so hard for me too. In the beginning it almost broke up our relationship before we even really began!
My mother is incredibly passive aggressive and it has been so hard for me to break the mold and actually come out and say “Actually it’s not alright” or “I need x,y,z” instead of holding a secret grudge or making digs at the person.
It sounds like you have a great relationship but I don’t doubt that *if* things went sour (knock on wood that that never happens!) you’d pick yourself up and find a man who treated you right 🙂
Post # 9
@FEDORAble: oh! We’re the same person! haha. That sounds like my mother and me! The biggest issue we have in our relationship is that we both want whatever the other wants. This makes any decision, big or small (when to TTC or what’s for dinner lol)very difficult! And dinner time often results in an argument because we genuinely want whatever the other would prefer and then we both get frustrated because neither of us make the decision. Major issues right there! hehe.