(Closed) When to Address Step-Parent Issues???

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: You should...
    Have a talk about it now- don't wait for things to get out of hand : (0 votes)
    Wait for an actual problem- don't put the cart before the horse : (1 votes)
    100 %
    Drop subtle hints and see if she gets the message : (0 votes)
    Other (please explain!) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 4
    3977 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Maybe talk to your dad about it and he can gently open the subject with her. It seems like she’s just excited for you and wants to be a part of it. Make sure she knows your positive feelings, and maybe ask your dad to mention that you probably want your real mom to play a bigger part in the wedding.

    I don’t think you should wait until there’s a problem, but having an “intervention” before anything has really happened seems extreme as well. Subtle hints might work, as long as they aren’t passive aggressive.

    Maybe you can come up with something that can be special for her to look forward to. A reading? A fitting? Jewelry selection? something that you think would help her feel included without stepping on your mom’s toes.

    Until something negative happens, keep everything positive and keep everyone’s good wishes and love for you in your mind so that you (or your mom) don’t overreact.

    Post # 5
    327 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree with kala_way . I think you should talk to your dad. He will be able to talk to her better than you.  He may be able to gently bring the topic up. 

    Post # 6
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I agree with kala way.  Maybe your dad can talk with your step mom if/when the time comes.

    Post # 8
    1370 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Talk to your step mom.  Directly.  The more people you get in the middle, the more hurtful and convoluted the discussion.  Be honest, and explain why you feel the way you do and how you want your mom to feel.  If she can’t understand that, it’s her own issue.  Include her where you can, maybe decide on something special she can do for you that your mom can’t, or won’t do, or is willing to relinquish to step mom.  Could she say a blessing before dinner?  A reading in the ceremony?  Co-host a shower or bachelorette?  Take her shopping just her and you to buy er outfit? (FYI, do this BEFORE you and your mom do it, that way your mom can be sure to have the best outfit)  There are SO many things to be done, find something special she can do so she still feels valued. 

    Post # 11
    193 posts
    Blushing bee

    I would say – Talk to her and be as nice as you possibly can about it. You also need to make it very clear that your mother is ‘the mother of the bride’. Also talk to your mum and let her know whats happening so she doesnt get upset about your stepmum trying to be so involved.

    Horrible situation. Good luck

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