(Closed) When to ask friends to be in wedding party?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I would wait until you can guess how much it will cost each Bridesmaid or Best Man (BM dress, shoes, hair, makeup, bach party, etc) . That way you can let them know ahead of time instead of letting them commit only to be let down when they cant afford it.


Post # 5
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Do it now. why wait, I had a two year engagement and casually let my bms know they are in my wedding party. Then went out for brunch later on and gave them an official card etc. really, why wait? My other friend just scheduled a dinner and gave us little cards. Go ahead and ask the pastor you want to do your ceremony, there is no official time you need to do that especially since you know the guy. Congrats on your engagement!! 

Post # 6
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with Vic004, I just asked my BMs via a card in the mail (some of them are out of town and I didn’t want to just call on the phone).  For asking your friends and family to be a part of your day, there is no set rule or timeline.  Its your wedding, plan it how you want!  Congrats!!

Post # 7
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I got engaged in July and I am getting married Sep of ’09.  I asked everyone within the first month of being engaged

Post # 8
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

We will have a 20 month engagement when we get married. I waited about 3 months after I was engaged to ask my girls — I wanted to have the exact date and location before asking them.

But with that said I wasn’t sure if I should wait a little longer because friendships do change over that amount of time. I would definitely ask your sisters now because family is family … but if one of the other three is a new friend, or an old friend who recently moved, or a coworker at an office you may or may not be working for in 2 years … you could maybe hold off on them.  By no fault of either you or your potential bridesmaid — friendships change!  People grow up and grow apart … just make sure you’re aware of that.

My sister in law picked a bridesmaid who was a close friend of hers at the time because they were in grad school together — but they graduated just two months after the engagement and she moved away — in the end not only was she not a bridesmaid but she decided not to come to the wedding at all because of the distance.  There was no fight, no hurt or angry feelings, just a move that made their friendship not as strong.

For the readers — I would hold off — maybe mention that you want them to be a part of your special day but with no specifics. 

For the pastor — go for it! I dont think your mind will change on that one! 🙂

 Congrats (almost!) and good luck!

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