(Closed) When to ask my BMs? Wanting to avoid conflict!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hi fellow Cbuser 🙂

Honestly, I think you should wait.  Not only is there a little drama you’re already worried about, but it’s also pretty soon to ask, IMO.  Wait till your 9-10 months out, THEN ask.  

Happy planning!

Post # 4
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

re: Bridesmaid or Best Man A – I don’t see an issue with you asking – but do it towards the end of the day – AFTER you are done shopping.  Not during shopping and/or no looking for any of your wedding stuff at the same time!

Bridesmaid or Best Man M – is she a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the first wedding too??   That’s a lot of weddings in a short period time for everyone!  She’s going to be feeling those emotions anyway – so I see it as a non-issue (from that perspective).  I think if you focus on telling her how special she is and how much you’d love for her to stand with you – it will highlight the wonderful things about her (vs. how she’s  not getting married).

Can you plan something with Bridesmaid or Best Man A and Bridesmaid or Best Man M after the dress shopping (like – hey, can we go get a coffee or something…) and do it then??

Post # 5
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@teacherandageek:  In the first case, it might be fun to tell her before going shopping for her wedding dress so you can bounce ideas of one another and even take a peek at the bridesmaids dresses that they have at the salons.  I’m sure she knows she’s going to be in your wedding anyway if you are so close that you’re going dress shopping with her! 

The second one is a bit more sensitive.  I think it depends on how distraught she is!  I’ve had friends go through breakups who I was seriously concerned about, as in their mental state was not stable at all…some for a few weeks and in another case many months.  Other people are sad but get over it easier. If she is still really upset and not doing well, I would hold off.  If she’s upset but not out of control upset, it might give her something to get her attention off her problems if you make an effort to make her a part of your planning process and ask for her help on a few things.  Good luck!


ETA:  I just noticed your wedding isn’t until April 2012…in that case I would wait.  You have plenty of time!

Post # 6
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Assuming your wedding date is real and not a fake one, I’d definetly wait.  You have plenty of time before you need to get your bridal party together.  You never know how things might be in a year.

Post # 8
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think the rule of thumb is 6-9 months prior to the wedding… but my sister knew she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor before I was even engaged so there’s always wiggle room 🙂

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