(Closed) When to call child services on an extremely neglectful parent?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 18
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I would make the call, and encourage others who know the situation to make the call.  Since you brought her son for care, you also have paperwork stating he is malnourished.  Bring that to their attention.  I agree with contacting the school as well. 

Post # 19
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

First off, those children are incredibly lucky to have found you.

I wonder that the mother is going through some kind of depression? Sleeping in all day, not taking care of herself, or the kids….now that does not excuse her behaviour in the slightest, but I’m wondering that she is incapable of taking care of the kids (and not just being willfully neglectful). If that is the case though, I would say that is even more reason why you did the right thing by calling child services, because it sounds like she needs help as well. What you and your friends have done is incredibly kind, but she is also an adult, and needs to handle her own responsabilities. If she is unable (or unwilling) to do so, then unfortunately the kids are going to have to be taken away until she can.

 

Post # 20
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@Lindarella:  I second reporting her to the authorities… and I agree that we have it good here, healthcare wise. However… health visitors? Don’t get me started. When was the last time social services did anything except waste time and pass the buck? (Source: bitter battle with social services in the past).

To be honest, I’ve always found the police to be more effective than social services. I recommend that OP get them involved if social services do nothing.

Post # 23
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@TexasSpringBride:  I’d keep calling in order to establish a patterm of behaviour and get lots of visits in writing. What do the other wives say?

Post # 24
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@TexasSpringBride:  Well I still wonder that she might have some mental illness…BUT again, I don’t think that makes what you did any less the right thing to do. Those kids deserve a better life than what she’s giving them, and you 100% did the right thing by giving them a voice. IF she DOES have a mental illness, then hopefully this call will result in her getting help and giving them the life they deserve. If she doesn’t and is just plain nelectful, hopefully they will be taken away. Either way, kudos to you.

Post # 25
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Starting writing these events down and start taking pictures, if you haven’t. Missed school days, how many times hes had breakfast, food in the fridge at home, doctors visit forms, what time they came over. Try getting video of them eating at your house, and saying anything about being hungry at home. You can give photo copy’s of all that to the case worker.

I don’t think I would have had the patience you have. Mom should have gotten help a long time ago.

Post # 26
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

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@Rachel631:  Not to threadjack but from my personal experience health visitors can be amazing at supporting families. I’ve seen it both personally when I was young,pregnant and in need of support from outwith my family and professionally in my work in the Early Years. No agency works in isolation,in this country at least. If the police are involved, it would be referred to Social Services for this type of situation. The multi agency approach is supposed to work best but like you said,sometimes the buck gets passed and ultimately fails the children its supposed to help.

Post # 28
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@TexasSpringBride:  I am so sorry you’re dealing with this as you’re getting ready to move.  It’s obvious that you really care about this boy & being close at least means you can be there if he needs you.  I think it’s wonderful that you have set up a support system when you are gone.  I also think it’s really important for you to continue to have contact with him when you’re gone.  Do they have a phone or is it possible to get him a pre-paid cell or something really low cost that he can use to stay in touch or for emergencies?  That may be wierd if his Mom knows about it or finds it, but it would make me feel better.  And of course maybe you can have one of the people helping out make sure he calls now & then.  It is just so important for children in these types of homes to have a consistant adult in their life who is always there for them & it sounds like that has been you.

I think it’s great that you got in touch with CPS.  I know you said the school deals with a lot of kids but I do think it’s important to let them know.  I work in schools and some of them have a tough time but do take special care with children in tough families & they are mandated to report anything they see, like malnutrition, etc.  I have even met a teacher who was in the process of adopting a student because he was neglected.  

Is there a neighbor or someone else who can be there if he needs them?  You may have already done this, but I would ask him which adults in his life he really likes, like a teacher or neighbor and make sure he knows he can go to them.  Also make sure they are well aware of the situation so that they can step in & help if it’s needed.

I wish you could just take the kids with you.  Custody, adoption, etc. are unfortunately such a long process.  Lots of prayers & hugs to you and the little boy & his sister.  And just know that what you’ve done to this point has a made a huge impact on his life.  He will always remember you caring for him.  Please keep us updated, this will be on my mind for a while.  Lots of good luck & prayers to everyone involved!

Post # 30
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I would notify several agencies.  This sounds like a crisis situation that is very serious, and has had enough bandaids that no one has realized fully what is really going on at home.  I would also talk to the school both administrators and teachers especially if you know that you have a personal relationship with a someone on staff who could reassure others that this is not a parent making waves without cause, but rather someone who knows that the situation has become desperate, and that  the gap you are filling is about  to change, especially since it seems that you have unknowingly resolved issues which may have helped others know how serious things have been getting.

Post # 31
Member
2807 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i’d contact the school. the school probably has more pull than you do (which is sad). it’s just sad that she’s playing off what’s wrong, and the police aren’t doing anything.

either that, or start calling every day, twice a day. start documenting things. have the other wives call. they’ll eventually get the point if people keep calling and keep pushing.

there are kids at stake. the police and cps need to be notified, along with the school. the more agencies that get called, the better, like PP’s said.

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