Post # 1
Bridesmaid Etiquette question–does it matter WHEN I choose them? I am having an engagement party next month, but my wedding won’t be for another 2 years. My mom said I should choose my bridesmaid before the party. Do I need to? I feel like it is kind of soon to make those decisions for something that is still 2 years away!
Post # 3
WAIT!!!! People change, relationships change, and unfortunately weddings tend to bring out the worst in people. Wait until about 9ish months out from the wedding to officially select wedding party members.
Post # 4
Take your time! Things definitely change and sometimes the people you think you can bank on turn out to be less than reliable!
Post # 5
I would wait as long as possible lol.
Post # 6
Since you’re two years away, there’s time. I chose and asked mine within the first month of getting engaged, but that’s because we’re getting married in March 2013.
Post # 7
Wait as long as possible – I totally agree and can speak from experience that things change, people change, plans change. I had problems with one Bridesmaid or Best Man who then uninvited herself after a very vocal dislike of every plan I was making.
I asked my BM’s about a year ago and looking back it was a decision made too quickly. I don’t know if it would have prevented every problem but perhaps if I had given myself time to consider who should be Bridesmaid or Best Man, I would have not chosen the Bridesmaid or Best Man who let me down. It might have been less upset for all concerned. It is really important to think carefully about who you choose
Post # 8
If I were you, I’d TOTALLY wait. And another thing, I wouldn’t select your Maid/Matron of Honor yet. Pick your bridesmaids, then “promote” one of them later afte ryou see who wants to step up and who’s just in it for the title.
Post # 9
Wait. Like others have said, relationships definitely change over time. I only had a 9 month engagement, so I picked my bridesmaids right away, but if you’re waiting longer, there’s no reason that you need to choose right now.
Post # 10
Definitely wait. At least a year before.
Post # 11
I would highly recommend waiting. I got engaged 3 months ago, and I’m waiting to ask my girls until September.
3 of them are people that if I had gotten married at any time in the last 10 years I would have asked them… part of the reason I’m waiting is in case me being engaged changes something in our friendship, and the other part is because I dont’ want them to be beholden to me for that long as a bridesmaid.
Post # 12
I chose 4 of my bridesmaids a few weeks after getting engaged, we knew we were having the wedding in about a year so that seemed like good timing. I literally just asked another girl to be in my wedding party last night! She and I have been friends forever but drifted apart when she went to college. She came to my shower on sunday and gave the sweetest, most thoughtful card ever. We went to dinner last night and I just had to ask her to join. I felt silly asking so late (the wedding is at the end of October, so I guess it’s not that bad), but I wouldn’t feel right if she wasn’t up there with me
Post # 13
There was never any question in my head about who my BMs were going to be, and I asked them when we were all together over Christmas. If you’re sure you know who you want, I don’t see any harm in asking them whenever you like, but don’t feel pressurised to pick people just because your engagement party is coming up.
Post # 14
Wait as long as you possibly can….think about asking a couple weeks before you need to think about bridesmaid dresses. People change, relationships change, and your wedding will show you who you want by your side by how people react to it. I asked my girls the day after we got engaged, and we’ve had a 3 yr engagement. 2 of my girls have been just useless – their only task was to give me their measurements so I could order and PAY for their Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, and neither complied. After 4 weeks of hounding they both gave me standard dress sizes, and neither of their dresses fit. They are now in the process of replacing them. My Maid/Matron of Honor bailed on wedding dress shopping with me, and the other has been totally MIA for EVERYTHING – it takes her weeks to get back to me on anything, and when she does she never gives me full answers. In the meantime, I’ve thought of other girls who I would like to have standing up there with me who I cannot now include in our day.
I have serious Bridesmaid or Best Man regret, and I don’t think I would have that if I’d waited.
Post # 15
2 years is a long time. Perhaps wait until 10-12 months out?
Post # 16
Thank you all so much for all the responses!! I didn’t want to ask right away because I already see some relationships with my friends changing both for the better and the worse. The wedding is so far off and I thought it was silly of my mom to say I need to choose for the engagement party. I’m not sure at all who I want to ask at this point! I’m glad that you all agree that I should wait and I can now tell my mom I have all the bees to back me up 🙂