(Closed) When to Cut Addict Mother Out of Life: NWR

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

AHJ:  I suggest a little more reading and research might give you a better understanding of your mother. Dual diagnosis= mental health diagnosis and addiction are very common. People aren’t addicts because they are stupid. They are addicts because of other things going on in their lives and because of  the consequences of decisions they made at one time or another.

If you live across the country for your mother, is she really going to play any significant role in your life and the lives of your children?

Post # 3
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

AHJ:  This is tough because she is your mother. I have a brother who has had issues with addiction and i work with a lot of addicts. It seems like once you’ve “gone to the dark side”, it is very hard to stay away. 

I think your main issue will be how your family plans to handle this? I let my brother know that I hated how he was hurting the family and that didn’t want to deal with all his issue. I told him I hope he gets himself straight and that I love him too much to watch him destroy his own life(over and over and after many chances and opportunities). I do not speak to my brother. However,if I go to a holiday event at my parents,I know he may be there. I’m polite and I’ll say hello but we do not talk. If I hear he’s doing well I am truly happy for him. 

I think with your family giving your mother an ultimatum,she may come to her senses. Let her know that you want to have your own family and that,unfortunately,she cannot be involved in your lives because of her addiction and behavior. You also have to realize that this may act as a trigger. I’m not an addiction specialist And i don’t know if anything I wrote will help but I wish you all the best.

Post # 5
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If she’s self medicating an underlying psychiatric condition there not much you can do. Generally life has to become unmanageable for the addict to seek help. Until that happens they often live in denial as to how bad Its gotten. It sounds like your Mom is in a bad place, But that’s not your fault nor it it in your control. I think that going to a support group for families dealing with addiction might be helpful. Look up an Alanon family group in your area. They may also help you to find more resources to help. No matter what Bee, I’m sorry this happened to your mom and I’m sorry for what your going through.

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