Post # 1
My daughter is getting married inFeb. We are a large latino family with 14 grandchildren. My niece has 2 adopted girls 17 and 19 by marriage which are the ages of the grandchldren. We see them on half the holidays because the other half they are with their mom. We are already over 200 on the guest list and hoping we can stick to that number, providing not everyone will come. The problem is that if I invite these 2 girls, my niece on my side of the family has 2 high schoolers that I would also have to invite. These are technically the “great children” and I would like to not invite them. But is that wrong not to include them even though they are the same ages as the grandchildren? The grandchildren ages are 18 to 33 yrs old.
Post # 3
Welcome to the board, @56lauren! I am not sure the answer really matters, but is it you that has the fourteen grandchildren? Or is it your parents — meaning you have fourteen nieces, nephews, sons and daughters all combined, plus an additional four grand-nieces?
In general, you cut the guest list where you choose, and then apply that rule consistently. You should not differentiate, however, between adoptive children and non-adoptive children, or between step-children and non-step children. So if you choose not to invite grand-neices, simply do not invite any of them. Or if you choose to invite only people you regularly visit with, and not people who have grown distant, make that rule. Just be careful that you are not asking — at a wedding! — for guests to choose between their loyalty to the family they married into, that is, their step-children; and their loyalty to their birth family! At a wedding of all events, they should choose the former!