Post # 1
When did you disclose your salary to your SO? And when did he tell you his?
I’ve been with Fiance for 3 years and engaged for four months. He pretty much knows my monthly income and I know his because we created a budget together a while ago. He then found out my annual salary (before taxes and everything) because he was with me when I bought my car last September and they asked me in front of him. I didn’t mind, and was kind of relieved that he finally knew.
I’m getting a promotion soon and my salary is going to change. I’m wondering if I should proactively tell him my new salary. I’ve heard people say you’re not obligated tell your SO your salary until you’re actually married.
Post # 3
DH and I were very open while dating/engaged about our salaries. I’d get a raise and call him like 5 minutes later to share the good news.
Post # 4
My husband and I have been together since we were 22 and working right out of college. We are now 29 and have been married for just over a year. We’ve been up front with each other about money and how much we make since the beginning. We have actually worked together for nearly five years now, too. We bought a house together three years ago. There just hasn’t ever been a reason to not disclose that information with us. I think keeping it a secret would make me feel weird. We know just about every single thing about each other.
Post # 5
We’ve shared everything, including our finances, since we moved in together when we’d been together 6 months. I guess everyone does things differently! but to me the idea of my fiancé not knowing how much I earnt until after we were married is quite odd – how do you plan a wedding and know how much you can budget if you’re in the dark about how much you collectively earn??
Post # 6
This is strange to me!
We talked about money immediately and before we owned our own businesses we discussed every penny! We shared money at year two.
11 years in, it’s just habit.
Post # 7
we’ve been together since we were juniors in college (with no salary). He graduated a semester before me and told me his salary and I told him all job offer salaries. He’s always been the first person (in the 5 years I worked before we got married) I call when I get a raise/promotion etc and esp now that we are married.
Post # 8
I personally would not be engaged to someone who I didn’t know their salary. That sounds really strange to me. You trust them enough to promise to spend the rest of your life with them….but not to tell them your salary up front?
I would never promise to be with someone forever if they didn’t know my salary, my debt, my financial goals, etc.
Post # 9
I would tell him as soon as I found out, because I would be excited about it. I don’t see the purpose behind not telling him.
Post # 10
I never thought not to tell him. I think, even when you’re engaged, you should be sharing budgets. Not sharing the same pot, but like, making sure everyone is on the same page when it comes to spending and saving. I would think that would relieve future headaches.
Post # 11
If you created a budget I’m assuming you still have a budget so any income shift should be brought up. That and who cares? 🙂 if you get a raise it gives you both a moment to celebrate and if it’s a pay cut then you need to talk about how that affects your monthly expenses. Don’t over think it.Yeah, there’s no obligation to tell but there’s really no reason not to. That I’m aware of…
Post # 12
My DH and I are both in our thirties and were well-established in our careers when we got together. We dated for a year, then moved in together, but we didn’t tell each other our salaries until we were engaged (10 months later). For me, there were several reasons…I knew I made considerably more than him but didn’t want to talk about exactly how much more until it was obvious that it was now not just my financial situation, but “our” money. It just felt awkward. We knew we had similar spending habits, no debt, etc, but just didn’t talk details until we were committed.
Post # 14
He knows my income and I kind of know his. Sometimes. Well, I have a general idea. We have been together for almost 3.5 years, living together for 3 years and engaged for five months. I budget my paycheck sometimes but we don’t have a household budget. I generally have no clue how much we spend and I don’t ask how much he takes home, although he’ll tell me if it’s a project with a good rate. I don’t know how much he has in his bank account and I don’t really care. I’m very whatever about anything money related in general.
Post # 15
@Reign14: We were very open, because my salary was a joke in comparison to his. He was established in his career and I was a starving student (literally). Since we were long distance for a while, I wanted him to understand why people like me just can’t take time off and waste gas and go on trips and me go see him whenever I pleased. I think it’s important to discuss that stuff early on so you can determine how good the other is at budgeting, paying bills, etc. I learned early on that while he makes a lot, he’s not good at money or paying bills on time, and I am, so I would be taking care of the finances.
Post # 16
Well Fiance was a bartender and a college student when I met him, so I knew I made more than him. We discussed my salary before we moved in together, and he told me automatically when he got his current job what his pay was. We already share a checking account so we are really open about finances.