(Closed) When to do the deed~ (Two Weddings)

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: When to do it?

    After the first wedding

    After the second wedding

    Do it as soon as he arrives in the country haha

    On some random day between the first and the second

  • Post # 3
    3580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you should go with your instincts.  OR, if we must use a crude metaphor started by you, think of it like buying a house.  You sign for it, get the deed, but you don’t get the keys (wink nudge) for sometimes up to a couple of months (gasp!).  πŸ˜‰

    Edit: I just wanted to add that it all sounds incredibly romantic and wanted to wish you good luck!

    Post # 5
    7288 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think whatever you guys feel most comfortable with.

    If your religious, there is siding with waiting till your pastor/religious offical marries you as the Church won’t recognize the govt. part  but it depends on your beliefs

    I am a “Christian” however, I believe once you make vows in public and swear by them ( hence the courthouse) you are married and bound and therefore could consummate your marriage! Its about making the commitment in front of others and having a little acknowledgement celebration πŸ˜‰


    Post # 6
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    This is a tough one – My thoughts are: getting married is both a legal and a religious/spiritual thing. Saving yourself for marriage is on the religious/spiritual end, so I personally would wait until after your ‘real’ (second) wedding, you will already be legally married but in the eyes of God you will now be married and will be able to consummate on the same day. And you note that you will consider that your anniversary so that would make me lean towards that day as well.

    Post # 8
    101 posts
    Blushing bee

    The blending of government and religion can be tricky.

    So,being Christian, you are waiting to have sex because of your relationship with God. When does God consider you married? Is it the paper? Why does God need a piece of tangible material to view you as bound together for eternity? 

    I say pray some and listen is what God tells you in your heart.

    Post # 9
    1100 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Honestly, I think this is something you and your fi need to figure out. I don’t think we should help make the decision for you, because it is SOO personal and something that you can’t take back. Decide between the two of you and it will be perfect. 

    Post # 10
    7288 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    View original reply
    @Steampunk Angel:  I did a huge bible study and basic hunt on the question of WHAT in Gods eyes makes you married? It was intense lol. And the bible obviously doesn’t explicitly say like do this this and this or that and you are married in my eyes! 

    Basically back in the day people were betrothed which was like the legal binding engagement/courtship, and when they came together and vowed in front of others and whatever record keeping that was it. they celebrated. In fact, you wouldn’t even know which day your wedding day was  in most cases Your parents planned it for you ( like a surprise party) and basically your girl friends abducted you and told you to get ready πŸ˜‰ then they made a big fuss in the streets about you husband arriving You didn’t have to do the white dress and the big ” church” wedding, as the “church” was a totally different thing than it is today.

    Obviously courtship and tradition has changed a ton throughout the years. So  pray about it, read the scriptures and do what feels right. Either way you guys will be ” married” so it can’t be wrong πŸ˜‰

    Post # 11
    194 posts
    Blushing bee

    Go with your gut instinct.  When my DH and I were about to get married I posed the question to him — what if we somehow weren’t legally married?  Like, something happened with our marriage license?  We decided that having the church marry us would have been significantly more important and meaningful (for us — we are both quite religious) than the government, so we would have considered ourselves married if the church married us.

    Wow, good luck to the both of you!  It truly does sound so sweet and romantic…and congratulations on waiting for your sweetheart!  My husband and I waited and I am so grateful we did! πŸ™‚

    Post # 13
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I love that you’re waiting! I think that sounds super sweet! I would say that anytime after the first wedding that you feel comfortable with it would be a good time.  

    Post # 14
    2063 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It’s up to you πŸ™‚ Are you living together after the 1st wedding or waiting until the 2nd? Of course, I’m assuming you won’t be living together as soon as he moves here…

    Basically, I can’t imagine living together and not having sex πŸ™‚ So – If you’re moving in together (because you got married), then have sex (because you got married)

    Post # 15
    11500 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Honestly, as much as you two really want to be together sooner, it just seems to make the most sense to delay having him come to the U.S. on his Fiance visa closer to your September wedding date. That way, you won’t have to have two weddings, you can accomplish the paperwork in the required timeframe with your church wedding being your only wedding, and you can consummate your marriage after having the big church wedding that you and your Fiance and your families really want to have. Is there any legal snag that would technically prevent you from doing this?

    Post # 16
    7288 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Steampunk Angel: Here is a look at the Jewish marriage customs, as they were practiced in the time of Jesus Christ.



    I am trying to find this awesome story from a dad who did this with his daughter and her husband to be and it was amazing! I will post it when /if I find it! Obviously today we don’t buy brides or anything, but the wedding event traditions are exciting non the less. 


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