Post # 1
Ok a bit of background: yes we are having two weddings. I know some people have strong opinions on “well you should only have one because the second one doesn’t mean anything” and such, but our situation is complicated. He is immigrating here on a fiance visa, and we will only have 3 months to get married or else they are sending him back. I haven’t seen him in going on 7 months, so we don’t want to delay him coming over until closer to Sept. Basically, we will have to get married well before Sept, also because he is not allowed to work or leave the country until his status is finished adjusting (which is around 3 months after filing wedding paperwork) and we want to honeymoon in Australia. So we have to get married for the paperwork asap, and I don’t feel like we should just settle for a courthouse wedding just because we have an unusual situation (plus I’m my dad’s first daughter getting married and he wants to do it up right).
So basically the first wedding is just my immediate family witnessing us basically doing the paperwork. Second wedding is what I would consider our real anniversary and ‘spiritual’ wedding.
Now, we are both virgins so hence the question: when to consummate. We originally thought after the second one since thats the ‘real’ one, but we would be married after the first one, So I don’t know? Fiance and I have both talked about it and we aren’t really sure either atm…
So I guess, what would you do?
Post # 3
I think you should go with your instincts. OR, if we must use a crude metaphor started by you, think of it like buying a house. You sign for it, get the deed, but you don’t get the keys (wink nudge) for sometimes up to a couple of months (gasp!). 😉
Edit: I just wanted to add that it all sounds incredibly romantic and wanted to wish you good luck!
Post # 4
@WillyNilly: XDDD I love it! Yeah we are a bit nervous hence our uncertainty 😡 Thank you :3
Post # 5
I think whatever you guys feel most comfortable with.
If your religious, there is siding with waiting till your pastor/religious offical marries you as the Church won’t recognize the govt. part but it depends on your beliefs
I am a “Christian” however, I believe once you make vows in public and swear by them ( hence the courthouse) you are married and bound and therefore could consummate your marriage! Its about making the commitment in front of others and having a little acknowledgement celebration 😉
Post # 6
This is a tough one – My thoughts are: getting married is both a legal and a religious/spiritual thing. Saving yourself for marriage is on the religious/spiritual end, so I personally would wait until after your ‘real’ (second) wedding, you will already be legally married but in the eyes of God you will now be married and will be able to consummate on the same day. And you note that you will consider that your anniversary so that would make me lean towards that day as well.
Post # 7
@Eva Peron: @canadianplum: Yeah we are religious, but we don’t really have a church (he’s technically roman catholic, but not strong on the catholic end and his parents aren’t pressuring the whole catholic wedding). I actually had given him the choice months ago of which wedding to consummate it on, and he picked the second one because he said it would be more romantic :3 he’s so sweet lol But when I had told my dad we were waiting for that one, my dad said, “you will be 28 soon and he is 24, you guys have waited just about a quarter of a century, I think you have waited long enough” and that was embarrassing lol Also it made me think well we have waited a really long time, so that pretty much confused me about what to do, When I told Fiance about that he just laughed and didn’t say one way or another, I think he is confused too XD
Post # 8
The blending of government and religion can be tricky.
So,being Christian, you are waiting to have sex because of your relationship with God. When does God consider you married? Is it the paper? Why does God need a piece of tangible material to view you as bound together for eternity?
I say pray some and listen is what God tells you in your heart.
Post # 9
Honestly, I think this is something you and your fi need to figure out. I don’t think we should help make the decision for you, because it is SOO personal and something that you can’t take back. Decide between the two of you and it will be perfect.
Post # 10
@Steampunk Angel: I did a huge bible study and basic hunt on the question of WHAT in Gods eyes makes you married? It was intense lol. And the bible obviously doesn’t explicitly say like do this this and this or that and you are married in my eyes!
Basically back in the day people were betrothed which was like the legal binding engagement/courtship, and when they came together and vowed in front of others and whatever record keeping that was it. they celebrated. In fact, you wouldn’t even know which day your wedding day was in most cases Your parents planned it for you ( like a surprise party) and basically your girl friends abducted you and told you to get ready 😉 then they made a big fuss in the streets about you husband arriving You didn’t have to do the white dress and the big ” church” wedding, as the “church” was a totally different thing than it is today.
Obviously courtship and tradition has changed a ton throughout the years. So pray about it, read the scriptures and do what feels right. Either way you guys will be ” married” so it can’t be wrong 😉
Post # 11
Go with your gut instinct. When my Darling Husband and I were about to get married I posed the question to him — what if we somehow weren’t legally married? Like, something happened with our marriage license? We decided that having the church marry us would have been significantly more important and meaningful (for us — we are both quite religious) than the government, so we would have considered ourselves married if the church married us.
Wow, good luck to the both of you! It truly does sound so sweet and romantic…and congratulations on waiting for your sweetheart! My husband and I waited and I am so grateful we did! 🙂
Post # 12
@Ashenstar: It’s not exactly that I waited because God wants me to, its a rule I made for myself when I was young and I have never broken it. Now though I consider my wonderful fiance a reward for my self control though :3
@JlovesM: In the end we will be the ones to decide don’t worry, we are just so on the fence atm it helps to talk about it with other people and get some feedback to hear views we might not have previously considered 🙂
@Eva Peron: Thanks for that, that’s interesting and gives me a lot to think about 🙂 I’d be interested to learn more if you don’t mind!
@wbninja: Thank you!! Glad to see we aren’t alone lol :3 And that is true, we see the legal wedding as being different than the actual bonding wedding part.
Wow, it looks like its even on the polls for first and second, and [email protected] those 5 people telling me to jump him as soon as he gets off the plane XD not going to lie, it will be tempting! haha
Post # 13
I love that you’re waiting! I think that sounds super sweet! I would say that anytime after the first wedding that you feel comfortable with it would be a good time.
Post # 14
It’s up to you 🙂 Are you living together after the 1st wedding or waiting until the 2nd? Of course, I’m assuming you won’t be living together as soon as he moves here…
Basically, I can’t imagine living together and not having sex 🙂 So – If you’re moving in together (because you got married), then have sex (because you got married)
Post # 15
Honestly, as much as you two really want to be together sooner, it just seems to make the most sense to delay having him come to the U.S. on his Fiance visa closer to your September wedding date. That way, you won’t have to have two weddings, you can accomplish the paperwork in the required timeframe with your church wedding being your only wedding, and you can consummate your marriage after having the big church wedding that you and your Fiance and your families really want to have. Is there any legal snag that would technically prevent you from doing this?
Post # 16
@Steampunk Angel: Here is a look at the Jewish marriage customs, as they were practiced in the time of Jesus Christ.
I am trying to find this awesome story from a dad who did this with his daughter and her husband to be and it was amazing! I will post it when /if I find it! Obviously today we don’t buy brides or anything, but the wedding event traditions are exciting non the less.