When to do vow renewals [poll]

posted 3 years ago in Vow Renewals
  • poll: When do you want to do your vow renewals?
    >5 years : (5 votes)
    5 %
    5-10 years : (20 votes)
    21 %
    10-15 years : (27 votes)
    28 %
    15-20 years : (45 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    My husband and I are looking at doing a vow REAFFIRMATION at 5 years, in 2019, for a few reasons:

    1. in the span of us being together, both sets of parents have gotten divorced. BOTH. We are SURROUNDED by divorce all over the place. It has been so awful, and we are committed to avoiding those mistakes. One of my parents’ main mistakes was that they stopped “dating” each other and the romance fell by the wayside.

    2. My parents paid for our wedding so pretty much everything was their call/had to be approved which meant my wedding was very small and traditional and that’s not really the wedding I dreamed of growing up

    3. My coordinator sucked and I spent a lot of my own wedding putting out fires and keeping everyone happy

    4. It’ll be 5 years married but 7 years together and I really want to celebrate that with our inner circle, because we have relied on our friends so many times and they have been a huge part of our story. 

    So this is my thought, that we invite people a year ahead of time to join us for an anniversary celebration in Mexico. If they can’t come, it’s okay. If they can, great. Either way, we’re going and having a party. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    1352 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

    I think because you already had a big party for your wedding, if you want to do a vow renewal, it should be a private event. I think it’s fair to have one large wedding/vow renewal. If I attended a wedding and then was invited to the same couple’s vow renewal a few years later, I probably wouldn’t go. Maybe your family/friends will feel differently, but just putting in my 2 cents.

    Post # 18
    Member
    6544 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I, too, assume that a couple who does a vow renewal/affirmation had a major disruption in the marriage almost leading to a break-up/divorce. Because vows don’t expire, it doesn’t make any sense to do it otherwise – especially publically.

    An anniversary party is a nice idea, but not with vow renewals; that seems more like a wedding re-do. I’d be more likely to come to a party celebrating the couple than a staged vow do-over, mainly because that seems like something that should be private (if people feel the need to do it at all). Because you say you had so much fun at your wedding and are already planning this, it sounds more like you just want another wedding. But as wonderful as weddings are, you really can’t go back again.

    Post # 19
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee

    Is this something everyone does? The thought never crossed my mind and honestly I don’t plan on ever doing it. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1286 posts
    Bumble bee

    Is this like an actual thing that is perfectly normal thing that people do? Only times I’ve ever heard people doing it is when the couple has been legally separated. Or if the bride was pregnant in the 50’s and only could have small wedding so now for 60th anniversary the couple has a wedding. That’s sweet in my opinion.

    If wanting the recreate the feeling of the wedding party then why not have  a big summer party, anniversary party or birthday party?

    Post # 21
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I know mine personally I want to feel more like a big party than a wedding- we aren’t inviting that many people, just our nearest and dearest. I don’t really know what else to call it though except “big anniversary trip/party with our friends”. 

    Also everyone I’ve talked to about it that would be invited has responded both positively and enthusiastically so *shrug*

    And if some ladies do a vow renewal to finally get the wedding of their dreams when they couldn’t have it the first time around, they should have what they want. No registry, no expectations placed on the guests- what’s the harm?

    Post # 22
    Member
    3876 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I don’t get vow renewals at all. As PPs have said, wedding vows are supposed to be ’til death do us part’… they don’t expire! If you do want to ‘remind’ yourself of your vows that’s cool but it would be a private thing. Inviting everyone like you’re getting married for a second time seems weird. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    2331 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    Never

    Post # 24
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee

    Nope. Not for us. I don’t think anyone is invested in our relationship enough to celebrate us just being together TWICE. And definately not before a milestone anniversary like 60th. 

    It seems attention seeking, but that is just my opinion.

    Post # 25
    Member
    986 posts
    Busy bee

    Never.  Our wedding was an amazing weekend but it happened.  Now if our kids want to throw us a 50th anniversary party in a few decades, I’m sure that would be lovely.

     

    And I agree with pp’s – if I heard someone was having a “vow renewal”, I would assume that their vows had been broken (affair, separation, etc) and they had decided to stay married.

    Post # 26
    Member
    745 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t see a vow renewal being any more self indulgent than having a wedding in the first place. A wedding is a celebration of love, so is a renewal.

    I say do it anytime you want. Call me selfish, rather than drop a big load of money on a party I’d take a dream trip and renew the vows that way. Not because I think there’s anything wrong with the party way, I’d just prefer it myself.

    some people have issues with vow renewals because they think that they are just done because the vows got ‘broken’ in some way. At least that’s what I’ve been told some believe.

    Post # 27
    Member
    498 posts
    Helper bee

    FutureMrsBex :  i totally agree. i mean, private vow renewals or nice anniversary weekend away – yeah each year. social dinner party for anniversary – every 5 years. big blow out party – maybe every ten years. but a ceremony with wedding dress and cake and speeches? every 25 years. any more often i would not bother to go

    Post # 28
    Hostess
    3882 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I like the idea of doing something privately between the two of you (I’ve seen cute ones of a couple on the beach while I’ve been on vacation) but not having a huge second wedding.  A party was thrown for my grandparents on their 50th anniversary, but it was big family party, not a vow renewal.  

    Post # 29
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    We plan on doing ours on our 10th year. It’s going to be a double celebration because by then, we’ll be together for 25 years total (we got married after 15 years of dating). Our boyfriend-girlfriend and wedding anniversaries both fall in April. I guess that’s something that we should celebrate and share with our family, friends and hopefully, future kids (still praying for those…)  laughing

    Post # 30
    Member
    3514 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    kaelasoul :  never. Our vows didn’t have an expiration date. Honestly, when i see vow renewals, i typically think someone must have cheated. 

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