(Closed) When to get married after law school

posted 5 years ago in College
  • poll: Which is the best time for a law student to get married?
    Spring break 3L : (8 votes)
    18 %
    After graduation in May : (2 votes)
    4 %
    After bar in Aug/Sept : (19 votes)
    42 %
    A year after graduation : (16 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    1072 posts
    Bumble bee

    Further, I took a big law firm job after graduation and they wanted me to start in August, not October (they work you while you wait to bar exam results).  

    Post # 47
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee

    mkendrick:  My big law job started in August, too! Make sure you check with whatever employer you are summer associating at to confirm when associates usually start.  

    Post # 48
    Member
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    mdorsogna:  yup yup, same stress here! I’m usually very controlling about details too, but I’m going to opt into an all-inclusive service (one that even includes gratuities/coordinators, etc), because otherwise I know I would jump into wedding things instead of bar studies. I would vote that you go with a planner for sure!

    TheGridMonster:  Kaymar:  thanks ladies for going into further detail. I always wondered how some of the clerkships that started June 1st and July 1st were possible WITH the bar.

    Post # 49
    Member
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    My vote is heavily skewed toward the “year after graduation option”. My Fiance graduated last year, passed the bar and is working for a firm currently. We are getting married more than two years after he graduated. 

    The reason this made the most sense for us was we were relocating to another part of the state after graduation, wanted to have a lot of control over the wedding and be able to financially contribute to our wedding. I have to say it’s been hard to wait but it’s really been wonderful. 

    But not everyone shares our viewpoint. We recently attended a wedding (this spring) of some classmates who graduated at the same time. Having control over their wedding was not a priority, nor were any DIY projects. I know that it made studying for the bar and paying off student debt a little more difficult since they did have to make some decisions during those months. 

    Something to consider- how many of your guests are also law students? In the case of the recent wedding not everyone who graduated was working full-time and could afford their loans and attending the wedding. I’m sure you’re not inviting your entire graduating class but there are probably some classmates you’d like to see on that day. 

    Best of luck! 

    Post # 51
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee

    I think planning during 3L will be no big deal at all. 3L year is kind of a joke. And, you can do a lot to make sure you take easier classes that last semester when you will be doing the bulk of your planning. 

    If you decide to get married during spring break, make sure that you plan to take the MPRE earlier in your law school career. I personally took the MPRE during Spring Break of my 3L year.  It was nice for me because I could study for it during spring break without having to worry about classes, but it would be terrible if you had to take that test immediately before your wedding. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    mdorsogna:  I definitely understand your point about how little time you will have during your first year working! Forgive me, I did a poor job clarifying! We are waiting until after the first year of FI’s law job. His first year is 2014/2015 so by the time our wedding in summer 2016 rolls around, he may have more vacation hours, a better feel for the firm and (fingers crossed here) not be basically living out of his office. I just felt like my answer was closest to the “year after law school” response. Sorry for any confusion! 

    Its been my experience that everyone does it a little differently. In FI’s class alone we know people who married during: Spring break, the summer between 2L and 3L years,  the summer after law school because they were getting their LLMs (and not taking the bar), and the year after the bar. I think you should be commended for being realistic with the amount of control you’d like to have over your wedding and how much work your studies and career will require. 

    Is there season you wanted to get married during? Could that eliminate some options? 

    Best of luck! 

    Post # 53
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee

    Law student here getting married this August after the bar in July. Obviously this is the choice I voted for in your poll.

    Timing depends on 3 main things:

    (1) Where are you getting married? Locally or do you have to travel out of state for planning? I am getting married in my home state (different from where I am now). Because of that, I must make appointments for when I will be home and do long-distance planning in the meantime. Luckily, being in law school means I have breaks in which to get a lot of planning done. 

    (2) How long do you plan to be engaged for? I got engaged during Spring of 2L, meaning we will have been engaged for a grand total of 18 months by the time we get marrried. That also means that I booked my venue, main vendors, and bought my dress last summer. A long engagement allowed me to do a lot of DIY. Granted, I am crafty and look at DIY as a fun project/way to procrastinate schoolwork, so results may vary. Also, if you have a long engagement, the “planning” that you have to do during bar prep should be limited to sending invites, RSVPs, finalizing vendor info, final dress fitting, etc (I anticipated subsisting on swedish fish in a dark cave this summer and thus ridiculously pre-planned everything). Which brings me to (3).

    (3) This is the big one: Do you have someone who is willing to be very involved in helping you plan? I have HEAVILY relied on my mother during this process (my fiance feigns interest in involvement, but when you wait three weeks for a few email addresses….I digress). Thankfully, she is quite enthusiastic and more than willing to help. She ran around and scoped venues for me before we both visited a select few. She scoped hotels for me. She bought and now stores tons of decor. I fully intend to have RSVPs sent to her because I will be knee-deep in bar prep. I think my reliance on her was exacerbated by my distance from the wedding location, but unless you have a fiance, parent, sibling, etc who will really help you, it can be tough. 

    A note about your other options: spring break 3L and right after graduation seem…anti-climactic to me. It’s either, get married then go to class, or get married then study for bar (*vomit*). Also, though 3L is less pressured than the others, and granted a lot of my friends went to the Carribean for spring break (and I’m sure did not pick up a book while there), planning a wedding for spring break requires a much bigger time commitment…and then you have exams. Re a year after working, I’m not at that point yet so I cannot intelligently comment. But my cousin went in biglaw and I’m amazed she did not die of sleep deprivation. 

    My own additional suggestion: what about winter break of 3L? Two friends did this, I think it was more relaxing because there were no lingering exams. At the same time, it still presents the above anti-climactic predicament. That, and if you care about the season…

    I am really looking forward to being on the most euphoric strongest-herion-inducing high after the bar while I look forward to my wedding (that is, after the post-bar-nausia subsides). 

    Post # 54
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee

    Congrats!!! I’m a 2L in a similar position, and my fiance and I chose to get married in mid-August after I take the bar in July. I’m pretty far along in my wedding planning, and I think it’s totally do-able to plan a wedding far in advance, then shelf it for later. We started planning over my winter break, and then I just did another spurt of planning after finals/before my summer associate job started. I think the weeks between the bar and my wedding will be kind of hectic with last minute stuff like table assignments, but I’d rather do that post-bar exam than during finals for a post-graduation wedding, or during the semester for a spring break wedding.

    Either way, good luck planning and good luck with your summer!! 

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