Post # 1
My wedding is August 14.
I really wanted to have my bridesmaid “thank-you” luncheon before the wedding, like in July. Anyway my bridesmaids have done a lot for me throughout the engagement period so a thank-you party beforehand is definitely warranted.
I want to have it at my parents’. I can’t afford to take them out, our apartment is too small, and my parents’ is perfect for a small party. There would be six girls. My mom agreed to it months ago.
But I just got off the phone with my mother and she said she would prefer to do it in the fall — September or October b/c she’ll be really busy in June and July. But I start school and other major things in the fall, and so do the girls.
Now I’ve heard that some brides do it AFTER the wedding, but it just doesn’t feel right — I’m concerned they, working in schools, moms with kids in school) will no longer be in “wedding mode.” Not to mention I probably won’t be either! But then again, I’m not them so I don’t know for sure.
So my mother told me to “think about it”. I think if she absolutely had to she’d do it before the wedding but I have to say I’m feeling some guilt about pushing it….
Thanks so much!!!
Post # 3
I think you can do it before or after the wedding. Can you ask your bridesmaids and see if they have a preference? Your mom says she is busy and July doesn’t work well. I’m curious, what role will your mom play? What will she have to do?
If it were me, I would prefer to do it before the wedding. It keeps it “in the season” and would let me know how appreciated I am.
Post # 4
To answer your question, I don’t expect her to do anything. It’s a party hosted by me. My fiance will cook the food (though I’ll transport it, I won’t have any guys around!:)
One thing that’s always gotten on my nerves about my mom is that just about anyone (who aren’t family or partners) being present in the house is a big deal, a big affair.
I’m thinking I’ll emphasize to her that she doesn’t have to do anything (if she doesn’t want to). I don’t think I’ve ever said that to her before. Maybe that will help.
Post # 5
Is your mom worried about having to make sure the house is spotless before the party? I know that’s what my mom would be concerned about in this situation. Maybe you could offer to come clean it beforehand so she doesn’t have to? Or hire someone to do it the day before?
Post # 6
Good point @bryce234. If it works better for the girls and you, you should try to do it before. If your mom cannot accommodate that, can you host at one of the girls’ homes with the same deal? Is part of the issue that your mom is uncomfortable having people at the house without her there? Has she met these women before? Could you explain to her why you want it before the wedding and talk to her about what your vision of the event is, asking what her concerns are and addressing them as appropriate?
Sorry to raise so many questions – I know that’s not always helpful. 🙂