(Closed) When to pick a fight and when not to… FSIL vent

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I hate confrontation, so I would probably just get them a little something to shut her up. Is it ridiculous? Absolutely. 

Post # 3
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

eshhhh that is a pickle of a conundrum!!!!

Personally, I would not get them gifts because YOU are right, at that age you shouldnt just get gifts because the others are.  I would politely remind her that she was the one that suggested they all wear the same outfits as well, 

Then I would leave it at that.

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Amerie27.
Post # 4
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Honestly, for the sake of family harmony, if you can possibly squeeze out the time to buy them something, I’d do it. Could it be something super-simple like an iTunes gift card or similar? I would not say you don’t have a right to be annoyed, though.

Post # 5
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

In my mind I’m thinking, no, I absolutely wouldn’t get the other two kids a gift.  If the mother thinks they need one, then she can pick one out for them.  But in reality, I would probably get them a gift but in a really bitchy way, like get them something really cheap or lame, like get them each a few toys from the dollar store or like a $5 gift card to somewhere.  Or just tell them to share.

But it is so rude that someone would tell you that you need to get her kids a gift!  

Post # 6
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My response- “So sorry, I don’t have time to do that.  If they will truly be upset, maybe you could pick them up a gift yourself.”  

Post # 7
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

yeah they may be right actually lol. Pick your battles I guess, if its gona be some catastrophy then I would do it.. just so she didnt stress you out more unnecessarily during the week of your wedding. [ which i still think is silly anyway for her to ask this of you since your wedding is SO soon]

ps congratulations 🙂

Post # 8
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

netto614:  what she said is PERFECT!! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

 

cls9q:  Here’s the thing…I 100% agree with you. They’re old enough that they generally shouldn’t be upset that their siblings got gifts and they didn’t.

It does get tricky here, though. The obvious question will be “Why to X & Y get gifts” and the answer will be “because they were in the wedding”…..which leads to the simple fact that (whether it was your intention or not) They are in your wedding, too. They’re walking down the aisle, escorting Grandma, and wearing matching suits. You may have been put in a corner on this one, but the fact is, for the kids’ standpoint, they are participating, just like their siblings.

You have every right to choose who does and does not get a gift. So, you can absolutely choose not to give one to the two boys, but as far as keeping the peace in the family, it may be easier to get them something small….and I mean really small. A card saying thanks and a small trinket should be enough just to keep everyone happy.

Post # 10
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

cls9q:  They’re your nephews. I realize that Future Sister-In-Law pushed for them to be included in the wedding, but do you really want to make your future nephews upset over something like this? Is it too late for you just to get them the same thing you got the ring bearer? It just seems silly to fight over something small like this when, at the end of the day, it is the boys who will feel left out. 

Post # 12
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, I would probably get them something. Yes, Future Sister-In-Law asked that they wear the same outfit and that they walk Grandma down the aisle but the kids may not be aware of that. To them, they will probably feel like they have just as much responsibility as the flower girl and they probably wouldn’t understand why they weren’t given a gift. I agree that 10 and 12 is old enough to understand that you don’t get something just because your sister did, but in this case I can see them genuinely thinking they “earned it” the same way.

Post # 13
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

During Christmas, my sister and I would get gifts from our godparents on my mom’s side, but my brother didn’t have a godparent on that side of the family, so my parents would buy him a gift so he didn’t feel left out.

Suggest something like that to her! 😉

Post # 14
Member
6448 posts
Bee Keeper

cls9q:  I feel like that’s highly inappropriate of her to ask!  to me, my first reaction would be, get the mother to buy the other two kids gifts if it means that much to her.  But I’m more of a stand my ground, I don’t care what you think (and I am terrible at picking my battles).  I think in all honesty, while it was highly inappropriate for her to ask, I would either tell her that you don’t have the money, or buy something very small for them.  I’m mean they’re old enough to realize that sometimes presents aren’t everything.

Post # 15
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Two of your future nephews/nieces were excluded from the wedding party.  Were they disappointed with that decision?  I think it’s tough enough being excluded from participating in the wedding while having to watch your siblings included plus watch them get a gift.  Was there a specific reason why did you exclude the 10 and 12 year olds from the wedding or didn’t find something for them to do? 

In your shoes, I’d just get them a smaller gift each and keep the peace.  This is not the battle I would pick.  Especially since it’s about the kids.  I’d want my nieces and nephews to like me, not resent me for not being asked to be in the wedding when my two siblings were invited. 

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