(Closed) When to pick a fight and when not to… FSIL vent

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 17
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would buy them gifts – just to make your futyre SIL happy. It would be so much easier for you to buy the two kids gifts and prevent your relationship with your in laws starting off on a bad foot. 

Post # 20
7819 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

She was so rude to ask you this! It might have been nice for you to get them a little something- but it’s so rude for her to bring it up to you!

Post # 21
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I would be upset, but I’d also get them something, you don’t want the kids feeling bad because their parents are obnoxious.  I’d get them something very small like a cheap ($10-$20) tie clip or something they could wear the day-of.  

Post # 22
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

cls9q:  I would probably do it just so I didn’t have to deal with it but I completely agree that you shouldn’t have to.  Also – our mini-ushers (who were 7 & 8) didn’t get gifts.  They did get a colouring set and candy kabob as their favours instead of the boxed chocolates the adults all got but no thank you gifts.

Post # 23
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I understand your FSIL’s concern but that’s her problem and her responsibility. I would suggest to her that she get gifts for the other two kids and say the gifts are for participating in the wedding. Say that you’re really sorry but right now you’re too busy with taking care of last minute details for the wedding.

Post # 24
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think you are in the right. If they were 3 or 4, I would understand, but 10/12? They probably won’t even care!

Post # 25
6239 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

cls9q:  How about “that’s a great idea, i didn’t even think about that! I don’t really have any spare time before Saturday, so if you can pick up some things they would like, I will make sure they all hey presents at the same time.”

Post # 26
12217 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Personally, I would either  involve all the nieces or nephews  in some way or none of them. It  would be one thing if there were only one flowergirl or ringbearer  aged child, but once you opened the door to the other roles, it gets a little more problematic, IMO. 

I disagree that 10 and 12 is necessarily too young.  I’ve been to many weddings that featured junior bridesmaids and groomsmen. That said, if it’s not an easy dividing line,  I don’t see the need for the children to be in the wedding party at all. 

If there are other nieces and nephews, too, I’d be concerned about offending those siblings and making those kids feel left out. 

If that’s not an issue, just get all  four kids low key gifts and call it a day. 

Post # 27
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

cls9q:  She sounds like a pill. Unfortunately I think that door opened when you agreed to have them walk grandmas down the aisle. I would get them something, and file that away as a lesson learned next time she wants to steamroll your plans.

Post # 28
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

FutureBride625:  this!

She can buy them a gift if she feels the need.

Not your problem or your responsiblity.

How I feel with in-laws is, if you allow them to railroad you in the beginning it will never stop. I say you should politely let her know you are only buying gifts for the bridal party due to budget. As the other poster said  if she feells they need a gift she can pony up – Also, why not just give the gifts to those two kids away from ther others or before/after the wedding (the other children will be none the wiser)

Post # 29
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I see where she’s coming from. She’s just trying to avoid a shitstorm with her kids. I would suggest to her that she provide those gifts herself, but she may not agree to that.

Just get them something small and call it a day. Don’t sweat the small stuff. You have enough on your plate.

Post # 30
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Stillwell House

Yep, pretty sure you were manipulated – the 10 and 12 prolly do not realize they are not a part of the wedding party and her insistance on matching attire for them perpetuated it.  Have you also been manuevered to include them in the honorary seating arrangements?  

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